anijanoki Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 Wow! Your story hit a core in me. It does hurt. It hurts so much for me, that I want to crawl in a hole. I feel like how can I trust my judgement anymore, and why would anyone want me. ANd how amany people are affected and hurt by it, gosh, no one should cheat ever! The heart ache is just so unbearing. I know now that what I should have known before I cheated, that I love my spouse and HE IS the one. So if you feel the same way about your wife, maybe get your act together and show her that you know now? Or maybe you want to punish yourself because you feel you deserve all this. I know that's how I feel. You said I do and she said I do. I know it's cliche, but all the real good things in life are worth fighting for and worth the suffering to have them.
kyflyingbutterfly Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 too bad you didn't figure out before your entire world was turned upset down...sickens me for your wife.
Author DaBastert Posted January 29, 2009 Author Posted January 29, 2009 ...I posted my story. In the hopes that my actions might resonate with someone and they change their mind before all hell breaks loose and their spouse has to go through what mine has (is). Thanks to all who posted in this thread. I was never looking for help, validation, judgment or sympathy. To those who offered help and encouragement for the future, it is truly and deeply appreciated. All comments were read and absorbed. I leave you all simply as someone looking at a clean slate and the hopes that I can become someone I'm happy to see staring back in the mirror. If I wake up one day and realise my wife is, and always WAS the one for me, rest assured I will do everything in my power to win her back and never look back. If I don't, or she finds the happiness she deserves with another, well...I'll cross all these bridges when I come to them. Peace and happiness to all. C
desertmoon Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 ...I posted my story. In the hopes that my actions might resonate with someone and they change their mind before all hell breaks loose and their spouse has to go through what mine has (is). Thanks to all who posted in this thread. I was never looking for help, validation, judgment or sympathy. To those who offered help and encouragement for the future, it is truly and deeply appreciated. All comments were read and absorbed. I leave you all simply as someone looking at a clean slate and the hopes that I can become someone I'm happy to see staring back in the mirror. If I wake up one day and realise my wife is, and always WAS the one for me, rest assured I will do everything in my power to win her back and never look back. If I don't, or she finds the happiness she deserves with another, well...I'll cross all these bridges when I come to them. Peace and happiness to all. C Hi Dabastert! thank you for sharing your story. I am sure you have touched many hearts and have made some people re-think their actions/plans. I understood you were "never looking for help, validation, judgment or sympathy", disturbingly, many of us here cannot grasp that concept. They believe that surely you MUST need all of that, for why would you post on this board? To them it is unnerving to know that someone so utterly flawed (a serial cheater!) has the audacity to not beg for mercy to be forgiven-not beg for the wife to stay instead you are just "letting your wife go" (one day she will make some lucky guy very happy) and letting the OW go (even though,"the grass was indeed greener on her side") ...you are sad and saddened but you are courageous for giving up practically everything so you can start on a "blank slate"---hopefully, a better person-a better man...good luck!
Author DaBastert Posted April 5, 2009 Author Posted April 5, 2009 Well...it's been 10 weeks since my "life" ended. I have had NC with the OW and boy is it AMAZING the clarity you gain when life isn't viewed through the "fantasy specs". I've been able to see how that relationship clouded all rational thought and judgment, and been able to answer some of my own questions about the viability of it all. My wife and I didn't speak for 3 weeks. She'd made her position perfectly clear and we both went on with our new lives. But on the week-end of the 4th week totally incommunicado, something interesting happened. I'd been away with the kids and came back on Sunday to drop them off. I had to come into the house for a reason and she was there...standing on the steps looking at us. No hatred. No anger. A nice smile and welcome home to the kids. I was able to see her clearly as the beautiful woman I'd married for the first time in a long time. She invited me in for coffee and we talked for several hours. It was light. It was fun. We joked. We talked seriously. We talked of the last few weeks. We generally just got "caught up". Since then, we've danced around our situation, but our hormones have gotten the better of both of us on several occasions. We're like the horny teenagers who can't keep their hands off each other, and in the case of my wife, this is NEW for her! Clearly there was still something there for us. We've talked openly about the possibility of "us" but we always concluded that we were both scared, and clearly she was "gun shy" from my past behaviour. But as the weeks have gone by, the door for "us" has gradually opened more and more. We went out on a date this past Friday night and it was fabulous! Great conversation. Great food. And in the end...incredible sex! So today...we went for a two hour walk...discussed all of our wants / needs and what we both want out of life, and as of an hour ago, we decided to give us a shot. Not the old "us"... but starting fresh as the NEW "US". Moving ahead with eyes wide open on what it's going to take to make us work. Making a REAL effort and seeing where the road takes us. It may work out to be 10x better than we ever could have been in the past, or it may fail. But at least we BOTH want this now and it's exciting to see what happens next. Peace! OP
whichwayisup Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 Glad to hear that you and your wife are slowly working together. If you both want it to work, it will! Count your blessings daily and show your wife in actions as well as words that you love her and are worthy of her respect, trust and faith again. Don't EVER contact the OW and definately ignore her if she tries to contact you. Good luck DB.
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