premiumjet Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 Well my xgf and I finally are seeing each other again. I cheated on her about 7 months ago, and she stopped talkin to me for a while but then she started again, and we went out bar hoppin the other night. Everything was great but then she suddenly turned to me and said "if you ever f me over like that again I will f you over twice as hard you SOB!" I was shocked it came out of no where! I got defensive but then calmed down and we had wild sex but then I had to leave early for a job in the morning. She kept texting me about when I was coming back and at first I was mad but then I chilled and came over after work and we had a great night together, just hangin and watchin movies and such. No sex we went to sleep and it was cool. But what did she mean by what she said and why did it come out of no where like that?
fanou22 Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 Translation: If you cheat on me again, I am going to sleep with the first man that crosses my path. She might have forgiven you but she definitely didn't forget about it. My question to you: What did you expect to get out of cheating on her?
Author premiumjet Posted January 26, 2009 Author Posted January 26, 2009 I was stupid for cheating on her. I realized later it has something to do with being scared to comit and kind of always wanting an option open for me if I need to bail. Whick is why her threat scared me now I feel like she might be setting me up to hurt me? But if she was would she really say that to me?
Chinook Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 I was stupid for cheating on her. I realized later it has something to do with being scared to comit and kind of always wanting an option open for me if I need to bail. Whick is why her threat scared me now I feel like she might be setting me up to hurt me? But if she was would she really say that to me? No, it's only a VERY callous and cold person who could pull off getting back together, wild sex, falling for you again.... only to kick you to the kurb. I sincerely doubt that's what she's doing. What she's saying to you is that she has forgiven but if it happens again, there will not be any second chance.
Author premiumjet Posted January 26, 2009 Author Posted January 26, 2009 No, it's only a VERY callous and cold person who could pull off getting back together, wild sex, falling for you again.... only to kick you to the kurb. I sincerely doubt that's what she's doing. What she's saying to you is that she has forgiven but if it happens again, there will not be any second chance. yea I don't think she could be that callous but who knows? It kind of makes me want to run though to be honest. She says she loves me but when I ask her why she says "I dont know" kind of in a sad way. Otherwise she is always happy to see me and we have a great time, so thats why her saying that the other night was so out of the blue and shocked me and threw me off. Is there anything else she could've meant when she said it?
BCCA Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 Is this the same girl you treated horribly time and time again and then were surprised when she finally told you off? Shes probably kicking herself for even talking to you again, but wants to make it clear that this time shes not just going to run off crying. Do you even care about her at all? It kind of seems like you just want to know what to expect, so that when you dump on her again you'll be prepared. Is that about right?
Author premiumjet Posted January 26, 2009 Author Posted January 26, 2009 Yea its the same one. She cut me off and I'd call an text once in a while and she just ignored me, til finally one day she answered back and we had nice talks. I even invited her away for a week end, but she said no after thinking about it, but the next week end she said yes to going out together. I do care about her a lot. More then I'd like to if that makes sense? And yea sure I do want to be prepared, I dont think thats so wrong is it? I've learned to try and see things her way too, so I'm not so selfish. And why do you think she's kickin herself for talking to me again? She doesn't act like it, except for that hardcore thing she said?
BCCA Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 Well, the thing that strikes me as interesting is that youre kind of already looking at what the worst case scenario is going to be. She said if you F her over again, theres going to be hell to pay. So, you would really only have to worry IF you screwed her over again. And youre worrying...which tells me you know that shes not your long term mate, shes just something to pass the time right now. If you dont intend to screw her over, you have nothing to worry about, right? Shes probably kicking herself because you havent exactly been good to her, and yet here she is again putting her neck on the chopping block and hoping this time will be different. But in the back of her mind she probably knows that youre not going to change. If I can be blunt, I think you care about you more than you do about her. I think you care about her in the context of what she can do for you and how she can help your life, but probably not really in the 'whats best for both of us' way. She seems to want you to be her long term boyfriend, to be there for her through thick and thin. And it seems like you want to live in the moment, and not think things through. You worrying about what shes going to do when you F her over tells me that you know thats whats going to happen. Does that make sense? I dont mean to beat you up, but try not to hurt this girl anymore.
Author premiumjet Posted January 26, 2009 Author Posted January 26, 2009 Its fine BCCA, I dont think your beating me up. Its I am selfish and look out for myself first, even my mom told me that. And my buddy told me too that I have a cheaters head, I guess like I am paranoid about that stuff because I've done it myself. Part of the bad karma I guess? I do want to change and I dont want to hurt her again. I get that she's worried about it too. She said I'm a runner, I avoid talking thru things and do stuff to make me happy, distract myself instead. Its like she's so calm 90% of the time, and then can just blow up like that the other night and it scares me. Is that normal for her to be like that?
BCCA Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 She's really the one taking the risk. And shes taking the same risk thats blown up in her face several times before, so its actually quite amazing that shes ok 90% of the time. I would say its normal for her to be on guard. What I really think is that you like her, you like how she makes you feel when youre with her and all that, but that you really dont want to be with her long term. So, the 'running' shes reffering to is a lack of commitment to her. As soon as things arent good, youre done, because thats all youre there for: the good times. I think its a pretty simple question to ask yourself: do you want to be with her long term? I dont know is not an acceptable answer, its a way to not say no even though thats what you mean. It just buys time. You either do or you dont, and if I can be frank, you dont. I think you should work on bettering yourself BEFORE you get involved with her again. Being with her makes it too easy to resort right back to doing what youve always done before, especially since shes not really doing a lot to stop you.
movingonandon Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 Dude, you're a lil' too sensitive That's not a threat "I'll cut your effin balls off and stuff them where you eyes used to be, after breaking your knee caps" - that's getting there . If i ever hear girl say that I'll probably fall in love with her
Author premiumjet Posted January 26, 2009 Author Posted January 26, 2009 She's really the one taking the risk. And shes taking the same risk thats blown up in her face several times before, so its actually quite amazing that shes ok 90% of the time. I would say its normal for her to be on guard. What I really think is that you like her, you like how she makes you feel when youre with her and all that, but that you really dont want to be with her long term. So, the 'running' shes reffering to is a lack of commitment to her. As soon as things arent good, youre done, because thats all youre there for: the good times. I think its a pretty simple question to ask yourself: do you want to be with her long term? I dont know is not an acceptable answer, its a way to not say no even though thats what you mean. It just buys time. You either do or you dont, and if I can be frank, you dont. I think you should work on bettering yourself BEFORE you get involved with her again. Being with her makes it too easy to resort right back to doing what youve always done before, especially since shes not really doing a lot to stop you. I hear ya but I'm hoping to better my self and be with her. I dont want her to forget about me and meet another guy. We really have been broken up about 7 months, and she cut me off completely for 3 or 4 of the last months. What do you mean about her not doing a lot to stop me?
Author premiumjet Posted January 26, 2009 Author Posted January 26, 2009 Dude, you're a lil' too sensitive That's not a threat "I'll cut your effin balls off and stuff them where you eyes used to be, after breaking your knee caps" - that's getting there . If i ever hear girl say that I'll probably fall in love with her LOL True! Why would u fall in love with a girl that would say that to u? Because it means she got backbone?
BCCA Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 I hear ya but I'm hoping to better my self and be with her. I dont want her to forget about me and meet another guy. We really have been broken up about 7 months, and she cut me off completely for 3 or 4 of the last months. What do you mean about her not doing a lot to stop me? Dude, you've burned her repeatedly. Instead of making you work for anything, shes giving in and slept with you right off the bat. If it was me, you wouldnt have gotten any for long enough to make sure it was ME you wanted, and not my sexual organs. Chances are, you probably wouldnt have waited, and would have gone elsewhere if she did that, though. If you really think 3-4 months of not talking to you is punishment enough for what youve done to her in the past, you really just have no idea. You dont think its kind of selfish for you to say you dont want her to meet someone else, when even you have to admit you havent really treated her well enough to keep her around? If you were a good guy, you wouldnt be in this situation, but instead of realizing that and doing what you can to make things right, you just want her back now, and youll work on the other stuff later. Seriously, you probably wont change at all. And Im not saying that because I hope you dont, I really want you to, but look at your actions here. Youve been extremely short sighted. Remember your first post her? "I treated this girl like crap tons of times, but now shes actually mad - what gives?" That right there told me that this girl is of little value to you past whether or not she'll put out. And youre not answering my question, which is exactly what I expected. Do you want to be her long term boyfriend? Its really as simple as that. If its a no (or I dunno), then you should really just leave her alone.
Author premiumjet Posted January 26, 2009 Author Posted January 26, 2009 Yea it is selfish when u put it that way. Its not like I'm looking for anyone else tho. And about her making me work for sex, well, I just know she has a real high sex drive and the chemistry we have together is amazing. I do want to be long term with her. I have other worries now, like her friends and such arent happy with how Ive treated her (like u pointed out) so now I think there's that wall to overcome.
Dexter Morgan Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 Well my xgf and I finally are seeing each other again. I cheated on her about 7 months ago, and she stopped talkin to me for a while but then she started again, and we went out bar hoppin the other night. Everything was great but then she suddenly turned to me and said "if you ever f me over like that again I will f you over twice as hard you SOB!" I was shocked it came out of no where! I got defensive but then calmed down and we had wild sex but then I had to leave early for a job in the morning. She kept texting me about when I was coming back and at first I was mad but then I chilled and came over after work and we had a great night together, just hangin and watchin movies and such. No sex we went to sleep and it was cool. But what did she mean by what she said and why did it come out of no where like that? My guess is she meant she will have sex with a few of your best buddies. But my concern is with your defensiveness when she did that. You betrayed her, jilted her, and just flat out f#cked her over. She is entitled to get pissed off about it. And since you were the cheater, when she fires back like this, and she may do this here and there for a while, then honestly......you need to be humble and take it. This is the consequences of your actions. So the next time she says something like that, you say, "honey, I've learned my lesson and I assure you it isn't going to happen again"(but only if you really mean it and you can keep it in your pants) You don't say, "DON'T YOU THREATEN ME!!" You have to understand you scarred her with what you did and she is entitled to give you some grief over it.
Author premiumjet Posted January 26, 2009 Author Posted January 26, 2009 My guess is she meant she will have sex with a few of your best buddies. But my concern is with your defensiveness when she did that. You betrayed her, jilted her, and just flat out f#cked her over. She is entitled to get pissed off about it. And since you were the cheater, when she fires back like this, and she may do this here and there for a while, then honestly......you need to be humble and take it. This is the consequences of your actions. So the next time she says something like that, you say, "honey, I've learned my lesson and I assure you it isn't going to happen again"(but only if you really mean it and you can keep it in your pants) You don't say, "DON'T YOU THREATEN ME!!" You have to understand you scarred her with what you did and she is entitled to give you some grief over it. Yea I did get mad but I eventually calmed down. I'll know better next time.
BCCA Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 Yea I did get mad but I eventually calmed down. I'll know better next time. I just want to take a moment to acknowledge that you seem to be much more mature about this then you were the first time. No offense, but I almost thought it was a troll post last time. It seems as though you are trying to take things seriously this time, and admitting your faults. Thats definitely a start. As for the cheating thing, its like someone told me before: they may forgive, but theyll never forget. Youre going to have to grin and bear it a few more times before shes 100% sure youre not full of it. Cant blame her there. If you want to make something work with this girl, just move slowly and be careful. If you feel yourself starting to fall off, think about what youre doing and the consequences. If you eventually decide shes not the one, be as upfront as possible. Hell hath no fury, friend...
smookie Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 I qouls look at it like this, She si being honest with you, she is tired of putting up with your crap and She is forwarning you that if you continue with this towards her she will give it right back to you. People can only take so much crap and then they snap, I put up with enough and even though he is still in my house I went on a dte lastnight because he can not take me out, Sorry but I did warn him that this was going to happen. All I can say is that listen to her words, If you intend on being the way you were in the past do not expect her to sit down and cry about it, she will be laughing. TRUST ME!
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