Dressing sexy while in relationship

[Lauriebell82]

:lmao:Shall I start a thread for you?

 

HAHA, then I won't get in trouble for posting too much on the same topic!

[carhill]

oops, the dress you're *going to wear*

 

Crikey, I need a Xanax...

[Star Gazer]

A hobby????? He spends hours, days, on end playing that "hobby." I think he is too old, plus acts like a jerk when I want him to stop. When we go home to his parents he plays that game for 9 hours with his friends! And I just sit there! Finally the last time I went there I just stayed at his families house and hung out with them.

 

WTF? This really does need a thread all its own.

 

Actually, have you made a LIST of all the things he does that bother you and make him NOT relationship material? I can, if you need help or reminding...

[Lishy]

OMG LB, my son played Warhammer and now he has grown out of it, he is 12!!

 

I agree that you were right to stand your ground and I would also like to add that I am well impressed at your change of attitude and improved confidence!! Go you!!

[MindoverMatter]

But my compromise will be that they can go to a bar and watch the superbowl if he doesn't want to come to my parents.

 

Good.

 

His friend is NOT coming over so that is not an option. If they opt to go to a bar together he will be sleeping on the couch.

 

Not good. If your compromise is that he can go to a bar with his friend, then you have to accept that fully. You can't offer a compromise and then punish him for taking it. If you want to be taken seriously, you have to be good on your words and actions as well as he.

 

A hobby????? He spends hours, days, on end playing that "hobby." I think he is too old, plus acts like a jerk when I want him to stop. When we go home to his parents he plays that game for 9 hours with his friends! And I just sit there! Finally the last time I went there I just stayed at his families house and hung out with them.

 

I have a friend who does it too. A very sophisticated man, with great manners and very well rounded. He loves the strategic appeal and the complexity. Keeps his mind sharp according to him. His games will also last many many hours, but he only plays it 3 times a year or so. If your boyfriend does it on a regular basis, then it would be a case of neglect towards you. However, if he only indulges himself a couple of times a year then I think it doesn't really matter if you like the game or not. Its nothing dirty or immoral. Would he be woodworking or painting for hours a couple of times a year, then you probably wouldn't take issue?

[Lauriebell82]

WTF? This really does need a thread all its own.

 

Actually, have you made a LIST of all the things he does that bother you and make him NOT relationship material? I can, if you need help or reminding...

 

LOL it would be pretty extensive. Off the top of my head:

 

1. cheap/controlling with money

2. control freak

3. bossy

4. lays guilt trips

5. doesn't fight fair

6. neat freak

7. won't perform oral

8. tries to tell me how to dress

[Lauriebell82]

I'm pretty much just going to tell him to do whatever and leave and go spend the night at my parents. I'm sure he'll do whatever he wants, but forcing him to do something isn't going to make either of us happy. This just revolves around the fact that I'm ready for marriage and he isn't.

 

Oh to put the thread back on topic. I like the idea of wearing the dress for V-day whoever suggested it lol.

[Treasa]

I'm pretty much just going to tell him to do whatever and leave and go spend the night at my parents. I'm sure he'll do whatever he wants, but forcing him to do something isn't going to make either of us happy. This just revolves around the fact that I'm ready for marriage and he isn't.

 

Oh to put the thread back on topic. I like the idea of wearing the dress for V-day whoever suggested it lol.

 

I think it's a blessing that he isn't ready. The more I hear about this guy, the more I secretly hope that you'll break up with him. I know you love him, but it really seems like the bad outweighs the good.

 

However, lately it seems like you're less willing to take his crap, and more willing to go out and do what makes you happy, which makes me smile.

[Lauriebell82]

Can you live with all these things for the rest of your life? I know I couldn't.

 

No. And he won't be able to change them either...*tear*

[Lauriebell82]

I think it's a blessing that he isn't ready. The more I hear about this guy, the more I secretly hope that you'll break up with him. I know you love him, but it really seems like the bad outweighs the good.

 

However, lately it seems like you're less willing to take his crap, and more willing to go out and do what makes you happy, which makes me smile.

 

Yeah, I think I'm starting to grow a backbone. The book I read really helped A LOT as well as everyone here.

[Trialbyfire]

LB, next time, don't hide behind excuses for why he should or shouldn't do things.

 

Express how his actions make you feel, right at the point it happens:

 

"We've already made plans with my parents for the Superbowl. It hurts me when you push aside the feelings of myself and my family. It makes me feel discarded and unworthy of your time, respect and consideration."

[boldjack]

Wear what you want but communicate your faithfulness to your Bf. If he's still bugged it's his problem.

[Star Gazer]

LOL it would be pretty extensive. Off the top of my head:

 

1. cheap/controlling with money - CONTROLLING, SELFISH

2. control freak - CONTROLLING

3. bossy - CONTROLLING

4. lays guilt trips - CONTROLLING

5. doesn't fight fair - CONTROLLING AND IMMATURE

6. neat freak - CONTROLLING

7. won't perform oral - CONTROLLING, SELFISH

8. tries to tell me how to dress - CONTROLLING

 

And...

 

9. Puts his friends before you ("guys night" and now the Super Bowl) - SELFISH, IMMATURE

10. Puts playing with figurines before you - SELFISH, MMATURE

11. Calls you names and otherwise insults you - CONTROLLING, IMMATURE

 

I'm sure there are more...

[Star Gazer]

Awww, honey! Let me tell you (and sorry for going SO off topic), it's much harder after you're married, have kids, and have finally come to the realization after several more years that you can't waste any more of your life battling in an unhappy relationship.

 

I believe this to be true.

 

LB, my ex-ex was identical to yours in almost every way. The only difference is I let it go on and on and on and on, until HE left ME, brokenhearted.

 

How I wish I had left when I had the chance, when I had the control... I wouldn't have spent the last 5 years as effed up as I have been!

[Treasa]

And...

 

9. Puts his friends before you ("guys night" and now the Super Bowl) - SELFISH, IMMATURE

10. Puts playing with figurines before you - SELFISH, MMATURE

11. Calls you names and otherwise insults you - CONTROLLING, IMMATURE

 

I'm sure there are more...

 

You left out:

 

12. Teases her with wedding questions but then says it'll be a "surprise" and makes her feel bad for wanting to talk about it.

[MindoverMatter]

I am not going to judge the guy, because I don't know him. From your list...how is he cheap with money? As far as I remember, he used to pay more than his share when you were a student and now you share the expenses?

 

Also, maybe he is a neat freak, but if he were to make a list of his own, couldn't he just call you messy? It might be a compatibility issue, but is it really a charactre flaw?

 

How fair do you fight? Have you called him names? And has he tried to control the way you dress in any other way?

 

I am asking this because I have the feeling that you're getting worked up right now, and that when you get home, you won't address the issue (putting friends before you) but instead be fueled by anger about other issues. Your boyfriend won't know this and will be surprised at the intensity of your reaction.

[Star Gazer]

I am not going to judge the guy, because I don't know him. From your list...how is he cheap with money? As far as I remember, he used to pay more than his share when you were a student and now you share the expenses?

 

Also, maybe he is a neat freak, but if he were to make a list of his own, couldn't he just call you messy? It might be a compatibility issue, but is it really a charactre flaw?

 

How fair do you fight? Have you called him names? And has he tried to control the way you dress in any other way?

 

I am asking this because I have the feeling that you're getting worked up right now, and that when you get home, you won't address the issue (putting friends before you) but instead be fueled by anger about other issues. Your boyfriend won't know this and will be surprised at the intensity of your reaction.

 

Oh no, please don't do this. Instead, please do a search for LB's past threads. Each of your questions has been addressed AT LENGTH in individual 200+ post threads.

[MindoverMatter]

I know. I read them. This is not my first account on loveshack.

 

My questions were intended for Lauriebell to think about. And in the past she has spoken differently (and flipfloped) about many things on her list. He has not been cheap with his money (albeit controlling) while she studied. I don't recall a recent thread about money issues so I wondered where that came from now. Also the name calling. Didn't she use foul language also?

 

Why do you notice the splinter in your brother's eye, but do not perceive the wooden beam in your own eye?

 

I don't think LB has a wooden beam in her eye. Far from it. But it's always good to step back for a second evulate the situation at hand and address it properly. Try to see both sides, past and present. Getting worked up about bigger issues won't help her deal with the superbowl problem right now. What's more: her bf won't understand where she is coming from, if she doesn't let him in on it.

[Star Gazer]

The dude won't perform oral and showers after sex (sexuality issues), freaks out if she doesn't iron his shirts correctly (control freak looking for a June Cleaver), prefers to play with juvenile toys over keeping his commitments to her (immature and selfish), kicked her out of the apartment for "guys weekend" (again, immature and selfish), and told her she'd be a horrible wife despite knowing how badly she wants to marry him (just plain cruel).

 

Now, regardless of money issues or being messy or any of LB's purported "flaws," the above is in and of itself sufficient grounds to do some SERIOUS thinking about ending the relationship.

[Jersey Shortie]

Ohh, I remember that thread about the guy kicking her out for guys night... Geez girl, you could do better. millions and millons of men out there.

[MindoverMatter]

StarGazer: I am NOT saying that there isn't a valid point in her list or that she shouldn't think about the general incompatibility here. But I think it is unwise to get heated up now and over react on the issue at hand. She already offered a compromise, and if she wants to be a woman of her word, she should stick to it. Then, the general issues should be discussed.

 

On a sidenote, didn't you post in favour of the bf having a guy weekend? My memory sucks sometimes and the thread is way too long for me to go and recheck.

[Star Gazer]

On a sidenote, didn't you post in favour of the bf having a guy weekend? My memory sucks sometimes and the thread is way too long for me to go and recheck.

 

I did. But in a different context, and long before any of these other NUMEROUS issues came to the surface.

 

I suggested she make herself scarce without him even having to ask, as a matter of courtesy. But that opportunity didn't even arise. And now so many other issues have arisen.

 

This is simply the last straw. I think it's worthy of getting heated over.

[Lauriebell82]

I know. I read them. This is not my first account on loveshack.

 

My questions were intended for Lauriebell to think about. And in the past she has spoken differently (and flipfloped) about many things on her list. He has not been cheap with his money (albeit controlling) while she studied. I don't recall a recent thread about money issues so I wondered where that came from now. Also the name calling. Didn't she use foul language also?

 

I think I make excuses for him because I love him. The issue with money WAS control more than cheapness. We had a HUGE blow out fight (multiple actually) because he constantly thought I was trying to mooch off in when in reality I was broke. But yes he did get over that and we didn't really fight after that. Also when I started to make good money at my full time job it hasn't been a problem. So really that's not a CURRENT problem but I think I may harbor some resentment. Yes I used "foul language" if you can "go screw yourself." Yes, not the most mature, but I don't make that a habit.

 

Why do you notice the splinter in your brother's eye, but do not perceive the wooden beam in your own eye?

 

I don't think LB has a wooden beam in her eye. Far from it. But it's always good to step back for a second evulate the situation at hand and address it properly. Try to see both sides, past and present. Getting worked up about bigger issues won't help her deal with the superbowl problem right now. What's more: her bf won't understand where she is coming from, if she doesn't let him in on it.

 

Our biggest issue is that he is not ready to get married and I am. All these minor issues stem from the big one. We aren't on the same page.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

Do you want to get married to him,

 

or do you just really want to get married?

 

It seems like there are many areas of incompatibility here. You're young, why don't you hold out for someone who will love you for who you are? Someone who won't constantly criticize you? Someone who won't make plans with his buddies for Super Bowl because he WANTS to be with his woman? Someone who doesn't play with figurines all day (chuckle chuckle)?

[Lauriebell82]

Do you want to get married to him,

 

or do you just really want to get married?

 

It seems like there are many areas of incompatibility here. You're young, why don't you hold out for someone who will love you for who you are? Someone who won't constantly criticize you? Someone who won't make plans with his buddies for Super Bowl because he WANTS to be with his woman? Someone who doesn't play with figurines all day (chuckle chuckle)?

 

I don't know anymore. I love him and there are times when I want to marry him and just can't imagine being without him. But when these things happen it just shatters all my hopes and feelings and I begin to think there is someone better out there for me who is worthy of me. I was talking to my mom and she said I am selling myself short.