carhill Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 He shouldn't try and censor your wardrobe Yes, conversely, he should actively shop with you and encourage you to always look your best OP, a good friend of wife's and I works in the "biz" in LV and she can eat any man she chooses to have for lunch. Yet, when we're together, I sense "professional distance because, at the minimum, you're married"; she's friendly, but establishes that distance. It doesn't matter what she's wearing. That's irrelevant. She shuts men down with a look and her body language. That clear understanding of her power and mature use of it is part of why I like her so much. That and she gets us great tickets to shows March is a long way off. A bit early to get another 500 post thread going, eh?
RunAway88 Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 If the dress is no big deal... why is he objecting to it? Unless he is kind of mental that doesn't make sense. He is an insecure chump who is trying to control his girlfriend because he doesn't trust that she won't cheat on him. If she cheats then she cheats, there are plenty more women out there.
Trialbyfire Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 Yet, when we're together, I sense "professional distance because, at the minimum, you're married"; she's friendly, but establishes that distance. It doesn't matter what she's wearing. That's irrelevant. She shuts men down with a look and her body language. Most women are born with the inherent ability to drop men at 1000 paces with the "frozen tundra look".
RunAway88 Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 Most women are born with the inherent ability to drop men at 1000 paces with the "frozen tundra look". Most women are only good for one thing, so us men get the better deal at the end of the day. Hence why more women are lonely, single while older men chase the younger women.
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 He is an insecure chump who is trying to control his girlfriend because he doesn't trust that she won't cheat on him. If she cheats then she cheats, there are plenty more women out there. Are you assuming that there is some kind of cheat detector? Just waive your wand and the truth appears? It doesn't exist. He could be super insecure... but I doubt he thinks his GF is going to cheat on him. More than likely this has to do with the dress in particular. LB, at least he cares enough about you to offer his input. I think if you feel like he is controlling you... you would feel that way in other situations as well.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 26, 2009 Author Posted January 26, 2009 Are you assuming that there is some kind of cheat detector? Just waive your wand and the truth appears? It doesn't exist. He could be super insecure... but I doubt he thinks his GF is going to cheat on him. More than likely this has to do with the dress in particular. LB, at least he cares enough about you to offer his input. I think if you feel like he is controlling you... you would feel that way in other situations as well. I don't think he thinks I am going to cheat on him..I'm def. not that type of a person to do that to someone they love. I read that book "Why Men Marry Bitches" and it's been interesting lately because when I act independent (hence going to Las Vegas), he tends to get a little more insecure and worried about me finding another guy instead of being dependent on him. It's interesting all the different opinions and the difference between male and female responses. That's kind of what I was going for with this thread.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 26, 2009 Author Posted January 26, 2009 If the dress is no big deal... why is he objecting to it? Unless he is kind of mental that doesn't make sense. Yes, we do tend to think your fair game if your out alone. However, don't think we do not pay attention to the way you dress as well. Jeans and a Tshirt say something different than a cocktail dress. Does he have a reason to feel insecure/jealous? Have you been fighting with him? How have you treated him recently? Sometimes the state of the relationship can trigger a jealous reaction more than any internal issues. Plus the chick your going to hang out with is suspect. Well, like I said in the other post, I have been trying to act a little more independent lately and have my own life. I was obsessing over marriage and acting dependent on him. So I started doing other things, ignoring stupid comments he makes, ect. Now I think he is getting paranoid that I could just leave at any moment, so he needs to "chase me" a little more. I think he's just jealous at the thought of guys trying to pick me up in Vegas I'm sure.
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 I don't think he thinks I am going to cheat on him..I'm def. not that type of a person to do that to someone they love. I read that book "Why Men Marry Bitches" and it's been interesting lately because when I act independent (hence going to Las Vegas), he tends to get a little more insecure and worried about me finding another guy instead of being dependent on him. Note, that some guys just don't like change, so when you change your behavior patterns they get weirded out. Well, like I said in the other post, I have been trying to act a little more independent lately and have my own life. I was obsessing over marriage and acting dependent on him. So I started doing other things, ignoring stupid comments he makes, ect. Now I think he is getting paranoid that I could just leave at any moment, so he needs to "chase me" a little more. I think he's just jealous at the thought of guys trying to pick me up in Vegas I'm sure. Make sure he is just jealous. If you were dealing with me, I would feel disrespected... depending on the dress of course. Very different emotions, with different consequences.
Cabernet34 Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 LB, I don't know either of you. but a previous poster mentioned feeling disrespected. And I would agree that while you may think he is feeling jealosy, that he may actually be feeling disrespected. And let me state, it's is EASY PEASY for everyone to say, "he's being controlling. you wear what you want to wear. He's insecure and jealous, etc, etc" Question, is this a dress you own already or did you go out and look for dresses JUST BECAUSE you are going to Vegas? So you planned a vacation to take a break from you two and visit a friend who could use the visit. GREAT! Oh wait, it's in Vegas? Well...that's cool. Oh wait.... your shopping for sexy clothes? See my point? He shouldn't be controlling you and dictating what you are wearing. At the same time, you are going to Vegas and shopping for clothes that apparently are sexier than anything you currently own. In his eyes, it might look like you are trying to garner the attention of other men. And if that is the case, one might argue that that IS disrespectful. Is he jealous? Are you trying to make him jealous? Just questions to ask.
allina Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 I don't think being in a relationship should have any impact on what you wear. I'm not suggesting you dress like a tacky skank, but I don't think you would, relationship or not. It is absolutely ok to wear a dress that makes you feel attractive, even if it shows some skin. Wearing a dress when you go out with friends should not be an issue and is unrelated to being faithful.
Star Gazer Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 I don't think being in a relationship should have any impact on what you wear. I'm not suggesting you dress like a tacky skank, but I don't think you would, relationship or not. It is absolutely ok to wear a dress that makes you feel attractive, even if it shows some skin. Wearing a dress when you go out with friends should not be an issue and is unrelated to being faithful. I agree. I'm amazed that your BF is censoring your wardrobe, LB.
Stockalone Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 My boyfriend said the one looked too "revealing" and that I may give people "the wrong idea." This dress was NOT revealing at all. It was not low cut, it covered pretty much everything! It was tight and form fitting though. It's not like I'm trying to score with a bunch of dudes! He's afraid I'll cheat or something? Plus my married friend wears sexy dresses like that! She's not going to go cheat on her husband or anything! Laurie, is that dress different than the other dresses you own? More revealing? You say the dress is appropriate, have you guys talked about why he disagrees with you on that? Depending on how the topic is brought up, I don't think it is wrong to raise concerns about certain clothes if they make you uncomfortable. I have sometimes asked a gf in the past to please not wear certain pieces of clothing. She wasn't too happy about it, but she did me that favour. For instance, we did argue over what she called a skirt, I called it a belt. That thing was fricking short. I thought it looked a bit tacky. Another time, I was told that I could no longer wear my old sweater in public because it made me look like a bum. In her opinion, it was falling apart at the seams. I would have described it as a nice, obviously worn, but still comfy sweater. I stopped wearing it in public.
MindoverMatter Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 I would never censor a partner's wardrobe. If you're missing a button or so, I'd point it out, but that's not censoring.
sb129 Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 The shoe is on the other foot right now, isn't it? ! It sure is! I remember the song and dance and 20+ page thread that eventuated when HE went to Vegas. how does it feel LB? Sorry, sorry, just couldn't resist that sweetheart. I don't think being in a relationship should have any impact on what you wear. I'm not suggesting you dress like a tacky skank, but I don't think you would, relationship or not. It is absolutely ok to wear a dress that makes you feel attractive, even if it shows some skin. Wearing a dress when you go out with friends should not be an issue and is unrelated to being faithful. Absolutely 100% true.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 27, 2009 Author Posted January 27, 2009 Wow, lots of different opinions. I'll try to respond to everyone. I actually only have 2 dresses, one winter, one summer. I wore them when we went to weddings this year. I don't own a lot of dresses, sexy or otherwise. I have a few skirts but that's about it. I'm really not into the whole "lets go dress sexy" deal. I told him I was going to go shopping for some new clothes for Vegas and he didn't seem to care. I have never been there so I really have no idea what people wear.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 27, 2009 Author Posted January 27, 2009 It sure is! I remember the song and dance and 20+ page thread that eventuated when HE went to Vegas. how does it feel LB? Sorry, sorry, just couldn't resist that sweetheart. Haha, it feels good. I haven't taken a trip anywhere with just friends since spring break in 2005. So I'm extremely excited. Plus it's nice, I don't have to pay for a hotel and my plane ticket was so cheap.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 27, 2009 Author Posted January 27, 2009 LB, I don't know either of you. but a previous poster mentioned feeling disrespected. And I would agree that while you may think he is feeling jealosy, that he may actually be feeling disrespected. And let me state, it's is EASY PEASY for everyone to say, "he's being controlling. you wear what you want to wear. He's insecure and jealous, etc, etc" Question, is this a dress you own already or did you go out and look for dresses JUST BECAUSE you are going to Vegas? So you planned a vacation to take a break from you two and visit a friend who could use the visit. GREAT! Oh wait, it's in Vegas? Well...that's cool. Oh wait.... your shopping for sexy clothes? See my point? He shouldn't be controlling you and dictating what you are wearing. At the same time, you are going to Vegas and shopping for clothes that apparently are sexier than anything you currently own. In his eyes, it might look like you are trying to garner the attention of other men. And if that is the case, one might argue that that IS disrespectful. Is he jealous? Are you trying to make him jealous? Just questions to ask. I'm not trying to make him jealous, just show him that I can have my own life and I don't need to depend on him to make me happy, to make me have fun, ect. Maybe you are right he may think I'm trying to get other men's attention but I'm not. I guess I want to prove to him that I basically can have my own life away from him and that I don't NEED him to validate me. Hence, I can wear what I want and he shouldn't be able to censor what I wear and when I wear it. I didn't tell him he shouldn't wear certain clothes when HE went to Vegas! I invest my heart and soul in this relationship so he doesn't think I'm going anywhere. He thinks I will stay no matter what and be so dependent on him that I don't care if he marries me or not. Fat chance.
EnigmaXOXO Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 I read that book "Why Men Marry Bitches" and it's been interesting lately because when I act independent (hence going to Las Vegas), he tends to get a little more insecure and worried about me finding another guy instead of being dependent on him. It's interesting all the different opinions and the difference between male and female responses. That's kind of what I was going for with this thread. Well, here’s a very different “female” opinion. Hope I’m not disclosing any secrets and the gals force me to shred my membership card. Translation: “I’m miffed at my boyfriend’s hesitancy to propose, so I’m turning up the pressure by dangling the jealousy bait.” The problem is, if you work it too hard it might have the exact opposite effect that your going for. Be careful & good luck!... and if I’m way off the mark on this, than I hereby apologize in advance.
Star Gazer Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 LB, did you buy the dress at a store that has a website? Could you post an example of it?
IfWishesWereHorses Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 I don't think he thinks I am going to cheat on him..I'm def. not that type of a person to do that to someone they love. I read that book "Why Men Marry Bitches" and it's been interesting lately because when I act independent (hence going to Las Vegas), he tends to get a little more insecure and worried about me finding another guy instead of being dependent on him. It's interesting all the different opinions and the difference between male and female responses. That's kind of what I was going for with this thread. I am SO glad that you read that book! I've started to suggest it to you several times but people usually have a bad taste in their mouth when they hear the title. Don't go sleezy but wear something that makes you feel sexy. Your opinion of yourself is what other people see when they first notice you. Your boyfriend should notice men observing you, that's actually healthy as long as you pretend not to notice! Its also important to be unpredictable in his eyes (again, in a good way) and for him to see you striving (and succeeding) to please yourself. I think its great that you are reaching for some independence!
JamesM Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 Don't go sleezy but wear something that makes you feel sexy. Your opinion of yourself is what other people see when they first notice you. Your boyfriend should notice men observing you, that's actually healthy as long as you pretend not to notice! I agree. And as a guy, he should be pleased that men look at you. If they did not, then he should be wondering why. The fact that men look at my wife affirms my opinion of her (no, I don't NEED that affirmation), and it "makes me" proud of her beauty. I have to say that if he is jealous of how you dress when you go to Las Vegas, then one must wonder what HIS trip was like to Las Vegas. What all happened that he thinks every man is out to have sex with his woman? And I am with SG....do you have a picture of this dress?
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 27, 2009 Author Posted January 27, 2009 I agree. And as a guy, he should be pleased that men look at you. If they did not, then he should be wondering why. The fact that men look at my wife affirms my opinion of her (no, I don't NEED that affirmation), and it "makes me" proud of her beauty. I have to say that if he is jealous of how you dress when you go to Las Vegas, then one must wonder what HIS trip was like to Las Vegas. What all happened that he thinks every man is out to have sex with his woman? And I am with SG....do you have a picture of this dress? Here is the dress. It is a little longer on me because I am only 5'2. http://www.bodyc.com/BodyCentral/womens.fashion/itemdetl.html?lvl1=NewArrivals&lvl2=NewArrivals2&item=3415
Star Gazer Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 Here is the dress. It is a little longer on me because I am only 5'2. http://www.bodyc.com/BodyCentral/womens.fashion/itemdetl.html?lvl1=NewArrivals&lvl2=NewArrivals2&item=3415 Oh PLEASE! He's threatened by THAT?!?! He needs to chill the eff out. That's a very typical, and still tasteful, Vegas dress. Your ass isn't hanging out, there's no cleavage... Oh jeez. This is the sort of dress most young women will be wearing there: http://www.bodyc.com/BodyCentral/womens.fashion/itemdetl.html?lvl1=Dresses&lvl2=Party&item=3382 (In other words, something that looks like a shirt, worn as a dress.) Your dress is perfectly appropriate.
JamesM Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 Here is the dress. It is a little longer on me because I am only 5'2. http://www.bodyc.com/BodyCentral/womens.fashion/itemdetl.html?lvl1=NewArrivals&lvl2=NewArrivals2&item=3415 Unless you have big boobs with lots of cleavage showing...based on your picture, you look similar sized to this model...this dress is not sleazy or slutty IMO. And I have a pretty conservative opinion. However, if he is uncomfortable with your shoulders showing, then that would be why he is concerned. The other thing is that he may actually be "excited" by seeing you in it, and then this translates to all men being excited when they see you in it. Compared to what will be showing in Vegas, I doubt you will be considered "slutty."
Trialbyfire Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 Reliant on how tightly you wear it, that's not a hoochie dress.
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