beautiful_stranger Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 My situation with this guy is really confusing me. We see each other once a week, and when we do, we hold hands in public. Other than that, there is to me minimal contact during other times. If I dont call him, he would call after two days of no contact. But even if he calls, our conversation lasts no more than 5 min, i.e. something like what we did for the day etc.. which would then be followed by him saying he needs to go and resume to what he was doing... When I call, he pretty much does the same, makes a few brief exchanges and then hurries to something else, so I have decided to not initiating calling him at all.. as it makes me feel like im hassling him. Also we never meet up on weekends, only after work, as our work places are close to each other. Sometimes he'd email me at work, and when i reply, he wouldnt reply back... This mixture of messages is really confusing me. At times I feel that he's really busy, so I should give him space.. but how much space is healthy? Also I get paranoid that he contacts this girl he had a massive crush on beforehand, and that she might still be leading him on... which i know is out of my hand, and is futile to think about.. but i cant keep my mind away from wondering... anyway, because I like this guy alot, I get upset if i dont hear from him for a day or two, especially Friday nights and the weekend when it really should be an opportunity to spend quality time together.. yet i dont want to confront him about our situation, as im afraid to come across as being needy... Can someone please offer me some insight as to what I should do??
prettybaby Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 You left the most important detail out: how long have you guys been going out together?
Island Girl Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 If you guys are dating and not spending time together on the weekends, that'd be a red flag for sure. Do you know if he has another relationship? It sounds like he might. He may be keeping you at arm's length because of that - and a possible reason why he isn't demonstrative in public. If you are sure he is absolutely 100% single, then he could be using the "men's rules" on you. There is some e-book online that tells guys to keep phone calls short and direct. It tells them to get off the phone because they are doing something because that is supposed to generate interest in women, etc. If I were you I would not contact (never would have if he hasn't stepped up the contact). I'd put him at the bottom of the pile as far as my idea of a boyfriend goes and I'd be scouting other men right now. I'd make him chase and step up his game if he wanted time with me and I'd start dictating when that was going to be. If the no time on the weekends thing remained unexplained, had a pitiful explanation, or continued to cease to happen I'd fire him and get a new boyfriend.
xjadex Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 I agree with IslandGirl....if he isn't contacting, then I wouldn't be contacting him. I'd be of the attitude that if he wants me, he knows where to find me and I'd only a contact a guy, who was going out of his way to contact me and on a regular basis. And if someone has a *real* interest, there is no such thing as being too busy for you.
Author beautiful_stranger Posted January 26, 2009 Author Posted January 26, 2009 You left the most important detail out: how long have you guys been going out together? We have been doing this since december.. but i went overseas for 2.5 weeks... initially i thought us seeing each other little was because it was just the start.. yet after i came back it resumed its original pattern.
prettybaby Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 We have been doing this since december.. but i went overseas for 2.5 weeks... initially i thought us seeing each other little was because it was just the start.. yet after i came back it resumed its original pattern. Did you ever ask him if he wants to go out on a Saturday night?
Author beautiful_stranger Posted January 26, 2009 Author Posted January 26, 2009 If you guys are dating and not spending time together on the weekends, that'd be a red flag for sure. Do you know if he has another relationship? It sounds like he might. He may be keeping you at arm's length because of that - and a possible reason why he isn't demonstrative in public. If you are sure he is absolutely 100% single, then he could be using the "men's rules" on you. There is some e-book online that tells guys to keep phone calls short and direct. It tells them to get off the phone because they are doing something because that is supposed to generate interest in women, etc. If I were you I would not contact (never would have if he hasn't stepped up the contact). I'd put him at the bottom of the pile as far as my idea of a boyfriend goes and I'd be scouting other men right now. I'd make him chase and step up his game if he wanted time with me and I'd start dictating when that was going to be. If the no time on the weekends thing remained unexplained, had a pitiful explanation, or continued to cease to happen I'd fire him and get a new boyfriend. I know him pretty well, as we were friends beforehand. So im pretty sure he's single, but i can't be sure if he's dating other girls... What I presume is that he's incredibly busy with work and his sport... as i know he works overtime etc... I am not sure if i should confront him about the weekend issue... Guys can be oblivious sometimes right? in terms of dating... maybe he doesnt even realize i'm at issues with not seeing him enough.. yet at the same time, i worry that it might backfire...
prettybaby Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 Just ask him if he wants to go out on Saturday and see what he says. No need to complicate things. You'll know right away if he's making up excuses or not. You really don't want to confront him in an accusatory way. Simply asking is the way to go in my opinion. You can't go wrong with that.
SoulSearch_CO Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 As has been said many times before: Never make somebody a priority when they only make you an option. And that is exactly what you're doing. It's a HUGE red flag if a guy will not get together with you on a weekend. He wants to keep them free for other women, or quite possibly his real girlfriend. If he was really that into you, he'd make the time if it was just work or "sport" keeping him busy. I'm betting on another woman.
Chinook Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 As has been said many times before: Never make somebody a priority when they only make you an option. And that is exactly what you're doing. It's a HUGE red flag if a guy will not get together with you on a weekend. He wants to keep them free for other women, or quite possibly his real girlfriend. If he was really that into you, he'd make the time if it was just work or "sport" keeping him busy. I'm betting on another woman. Have to agree with SS. Sorry.
Oliveman Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 Well if you've only been hanging out since December then I really don't see a problem here. I'm dating a girl I met in November and we rarely hang out on the weekend. I'm busy most weekends doing stuff with my friends and what not. If she asked me I'd probably go though, but I usually have plans pretty far in advance. That doesn't mean I'm not into her, just that we're not married or anything and we should both have our own lives. Dating for a month or so doesn't equal a full blown relationship to most guys, just the needy clingy ones that most girls don't like. And like prettybaby said, you can always ask him. The few times we have hung out on the weekend she asked me and I said yes.
carhill Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 OP, any thoughts on the lack of affection in private? IME, when I'm into a woman (attracted), the PDA's are only the tip of the iceberg. Irrespective of the rest of the dynamic, this seems odd to me. Carry on
LovieDove24 Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 I agree with Oliveman but also I think you need to keep your guard up a bit here. He certainly is keeping his distance, why not do the same? He's right, one or two months into the relationship it is not uncommon to only see each other once or twice a week and to talk on the phone once or twice a week. Anything faster tends to burn and fade. To be quite honest I know plenty of men that don't enjoy talking on the phone, whether its to their mom or their girlfriend. So don't be too worried that he's keeping it short. I would however suggest that you bring this situation to his attention at some point. Maybe not now, but when the time feels right say something like "Hey I'd like it if we could spend some time together on the weekends since we don't get to see each other much." This is not a needy statement, it just expresses interest. In a couple of months from now no improvements have been made, dump him please. Things should be progressive in a relationship, not stagnant.
Author beautiful_stranger Posted January 27, 2009 Author Posted January 27, 2009 Do guys ever test girls like that? I can hardly imagine two people who are genuinely interested could last for a week without seeing each other yet not miss one another. Sometimes he would hint that he's looking forward to seeing me, yet doesn't make a plan with me... So I thought maybe he is hinting I should ask him out more than I am now? (I do ask him to go out occasionally) but isn't this behavior strange if this is the case? or am i just imagining things and that he's just not really interested?
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