joel Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 well previously i have been doing odd jobs like driver, lot attendant, cashier...etc and now i have a intern doing a entry level tech support job which i did go to school for. i never bought a girl home to my folks before, but my problem is much more . i grew up very shy and quiete and sheltered up alot. i came from a very very strict chinese family. i was expected to come home right after school, and wasn;t even allowed to hang out after school or on weekend. i even been told by 2 ppl a co worker i worked with pretty close and a classmate who i talked to with a lot -both about dating and girls and they both said i had aspergers sydrome. taht was the reason why i had so much trouble dating and getting a gf and it had nothing to do with myself not having a car or access to one. well my chinese immirgrant old fashioned mom said that a reason girls won;t take me seriously or want to date me or have me as a bf is b/c i don't have a POWER JOB. POWER JOB=making lot of money , and the top dog in the position. computer engineer in a big company, financial planner in the bank, CGA, CA,-pretty much a prestige job that rolls in the dough to the girls out there how important is the guys job to you. i mean for sure he needs a job right. but do you care about the position title and what he does --- prestige and how much he makes. i mean how important is this to a guy your seeing. i mean what happens if your making decent money and yoiu like the job you have. do you really have to push yourself to the top to make more money to gain more woman in your dating life. like do women these days really attracted to men with lot of power in their job.
RRyan65 Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 POWER JOB? Sure that will work, but only because you're compensating for other things you lack. If you make over 100k a year, this will attract interest. I grew up the same way you described. No dates in H/S. No going out after school or weekends. No drugs, alcohol, money. Zilch. Nada. An old bible thumping grandmother, who despite having obedient kids, drilled in us the belief that if we continued our "evilways" we'd end up dead or in jail. THe main reason you can't get a date is your ****ed up upbringing. Once you realize that being brought up old-fashioned the way we did is what is screwing up your belief in yourself, you can break free. You can shoot for big bucks, but that may not happen, however go for it as best you can. A more sure thing you can do, is to tell your parents to **** off with their advice (if only in your mind). I was lucky; my rearers are dead. Good riddance.
Author joel Posted January 26, 2009 Author Posted January 26, 2009 POWER JOB? Sure that will work, but only because you're compensating for other things you lack. If you make over 100k a year, this will attract interest. I grew up the same way you described. No dates in H/S. No going out after school or weekends. No drugs, alcohol, money. Zilch. Nada. An old bible thumping grandmother, who despite having obedient kids, drilled in us the belief that if we continued our "evilways" we'd end up dead or in jail. THe main reason you can't get a date is your ****ed up upbringing. Once you realize that being brought up old-fashioned the way we did is what is screwing up your belief in yourself, you can break free. You can shoot for big bucks, but that may not happen, however go for it as best you can. A more sure thing you can do, is to tell your parents to **** off with their advice (if only in your mind). I was lucky; my rearers are dead. Good riddance. but how do you now its the upbringing and not something else. i like to explain this to them you see
Surfer Dude Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 reason i have trouble with women is b/c i don't have a POWER job Sounds like a typical frustrated and misogynist attitude, blaming women for your own shortcomings. What exactly are you doing to attract women? And no, women don't care if you have a job where you sit 12 hours like a slave and have no life whatsoever, only parents care (those who project their own failures on their children).
Island Girl Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 Nope. Absolutely not. A power job guy is actually not my type. I don't go for the stressed out three piece suit guy - I have a power job myself so maybe that has something to do with it. I go for the blue collar worker type. Construction guys, etc. Great bodies, strong arms that make me feel safe, and a way I can give up thinking about work at least in one area of my life! At least when I am thinking about it now that is what pops into my head. Perhaps there are even deeper reasons... In any event, some women go for the guy with the job - others won't. You just need to find the right girl.
prettybaby Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 That's such BS lol I personally don't care about power jobs. In fact, the man I'm dating right now makes less money than me. I don't care. He's smart, funny and sexy, treats me so well, and he does work, so that's all that matters.
Chinook Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 Joel, I have news for you, your Mom is wrong. Granted, it is important that a guy should have a job. Yes, she's right about that - but she's wrong that it has to be a power job with big bucks. Most girls (not all) want a guy who has good ethics and who can provide at least for himself. Most girls don't want a relationship with a guy where they have to bail him out. It takes away from the balance in a relationship. Likewise, a girl usually does not want to get into a relationship where a guy has to work all hours of the day and night in order to make a buck. How is that going to help and build a relationship...? It doesn't. There are some girls who want a guy with big bucks (gold diggers) but then those girls are usually inherently selfish and will complain and whinge about the hours he puts in to get the big bucks. Joel do me a favour, go to the library or Amazon 2nd hand store and pick up "They F**k you up" by Oliver James. This book talks about the impact of upbringing on our adult lives. Sometimes our upbring actually is screwed up... but even in nice, good stable, balanced upbringing of children, there are still problems. As surfer dude says, your parents DO have expectations of you and part of the problem is your wanting to live up to them. Equally, if you actually DO have Asperger's Syndrome, I would recommend visiting your medic and getting it properly diagnosed and there are enormous amounts of support groups out there which will help with assisting in devloping your social skills and interactions. I'm not saying you DO have it, but IF you do there is a way around some of the challenges which Aspergers individuals face day to day. Trust me, I have a good friend with 4 Aspergers children and they live well and happily!
winnieloveshunny Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 If this is true, then I think all toilet cleaners, cashiers, etc. will be single!
SoulSearch_CO Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 Um, no. I don't care about job title. As long as the guy is happy in his job and is making his own money, I don't care what he does.
Trialbyfire Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 Power comes from within you. Everyone has it but not everyone taps into it. Take two managers from different departments. One is someone who you and everyone respects, the other lame and hated. Why?
EnigmaXOXO Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 to the girls out there how important is the guys job to you. i mean for sure he needs a job right. but do you care about the position title and what he does --- prestige and how much he makes. i mean how important is this to a guy your seeing. The only time what someone did for a living would be of any concern is if it were illegal. Or if it took too much time away from their family, relationships or private life. How much someone makes is of no concern either, so long as that individual was able to provide for themselves in the event that no one else could afford to step up and become financially responsible for them. I admire folks who follow their passions. Whatever that might be. And if you’re getting your bills paid doing what you love... all the better! After all, happy people make for happier partners.
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 well my chinese immirgrant old fashioned mom said that a reason girls won;t take me seriously or want to date me or have me as a bf is b/c i don't have a POWER JOB. POWER JOB=making lot of money , and the top dog in the position. computer engineer in a big company, financial planner in the bank, CGA, CA,-pretty much a prestige job that rolls in the dough Joel, The truth is that having a great job WILL help, but it won't do the work for you. You will still have to be confident. You have to be very realistic in your approach to this. You should pursue a career very hard, with the understanding that it won't automatically translate into a date. It will help though. It will help provide you with confidence, and you will absolutely be more attractive to women. Don't misunderstand me, there are types of men out there who can get women with no money. You are not one of them. Also, when reading replies to your post, you need to understand that women are often not honest with themselves... so they can't really be honest with you on this topic.
carhill Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 OP, I closed out your thread on this topic, about a year ago, shortly after joining LS. My advice then, as a newbie, still stands. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t145073/
Trialbyfire Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 I still stand firm about power coming from within. It's more to do with how the man views himself, than how women view you. A "power" job appears to create confidence in certain men because they define themselves by their own personal "success" grid. Confidence equates to success with women.
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 I still stand firm about power coming from within. It's more to do with how the man views himself, than how women view you. A "power" job appears to create confidence in certain men because they define themselves by their own personal "success" grid. Confidence equates to success with women. Yes, raw confidence works well when meeting women, but I don't think that is something OP can manufacture. Besides, if you have nothing to back up that confidence, most females will lose interest quick. With the exception of the low self image girls. It has been proven that the more attractive a woman believes herself to be, the more she will want from a man. So, having the worlds best personality and confidence just wont cut it. You have to have cash, or award winning looks.
Trialbyfire Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 Yes, raw confidence works well when meeting women, but I don't think that is something OP can manufacture. Besides, if you have nothing to back up that confidence, most females will lose interest quick. With the exception of the low self image girls. It has been proven that the more attractive a woman believes herself to be, the more she will want from a man. So, having the worlds best personality and confidence just wont cut it. You have to have cash, or award winning looks. You're confusing confidence with brashness. When a man has confidence in himself, as a man, it's shines through. Confidence isn't about bringing out the bank-roll or flashing bling. If he's solely targeting looks, he deserves what he can or can't get. Shallow is, as shallow does.
RunAway88 Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 The reason you have problems with women is because you have no attractive traits that charm the girls, so you aim to compensate with money. Money attracts one type of woman that any rationally intellectual man would steer well clear from.
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 You're confusing confidence with brashness. When a man has confidence in himself, as a man, it's shines through. Confidence isn't about bringing out the bank-roll or flashing bling. If he's solely targeting looks, he deserves what he can or can't get. Shallow is, as shallow does. Well, he said nothing in particular about targeting only attractive women... that was probably a poor assumption on my part. I think it is very clear that while confidence is an important trait... you need to have much more, and money is a part of that equation. You can't really deny that. Perhaps for you... due to personal success or internal contentment you don't care what a man has in terms of power and money. That puts you in the minority.
Trialbyfire Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 Well, he said nothing in particular about targeting only attractive women... that was probably a poor assumption on my part. I think it is very clear that while confidence is an important trait... you need to have much more, and money is a part of that equation. You can't really deny that. Perhaps for you... due to personal success or internal contentment you don't care what a man has in terms of power and money. That puts you in the minority. Hold on. Let's clarify something. I'm financially stable and won't support a man. I don't date men who can't bring the same or similar to the table. It's a way to weed out gold diggers and guys who aren't driven, like I am.
RunAway88 Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 Hold on. Let's clarify something. I'm financially stable and won't support a man. I don't date men who can't bring the same or similar to the table. It's a way to weed out gold diggers and guys who aren't driven, like I am. And I bet you are still single?
Trialbyfire Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 And I bet you are still single? Wrong! In a relationship with an amazing man.
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 Hold on. Let's clarify something. I'm financially stable and won't support a man. I don't date men who can't bring the same or similar to the table. It's a way to weed out gold diggers and guys who aren't driven, like I am. OK, so I get it... your using a different term for the same thing. You require a man who is "driven" or ambitious? Isn't that pretty much the same as a guy who is successful and has a "power job"? Bottom line is that it should be clear to Joel (OP) that he needs to get his career going, because working odd jobs shows a woman that you are not "driven".
Trialbyfire Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 OK, so I get it... your using a different term for the same thing. You require a man who is "driven" or ambitious? Isn't that pretty much the same as a guy who is successful and has a "power job"? Bottom line is that it should be clear to Joel (OP) that he needs to get his career going, because working odd jobs shows a woman that you are not "driven". Not necessarily. Let's pretend we have a stupid man who's had his "power" job handed to him by his family. This is not attractive, regardless if he has power and money. It just makes him stupid and useless. A man who can step up to the plate and self-motivate/drive himself, is mucho sexy.
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 Not necessarily. Let's pretend we have a stupid man who's had his "power" job handed to him by his family. This is not attractive, regardless if he has power and money. It just makes him stupid and useless. A man who can step up to the plate and self-motivate/drive himself, is mucho sexy. Of course having a nice career does not guarantee success with women, but OP is having 0% luck. His mom says that is because he essentially lacks the application requirements (a respectable career). Consider the basics that you want from a man. I don't think you are out of line with the rest of the women out there. Does a career working as a cashier fit that requirement? I think we can all agree that he will do much better if he steps up and gets one. Plus he will be happier with himself!
Trialbyfire Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 Of course having a nice career does not guarantee success with women, but OP is having 0% luck. His mom says that is because he essentially lacks the application requirements (a respectable career). Consider the basics that you want from a man. I don't think you are out of line with the rest of the women out there. Does a career working as a cashier fit that requirement? I think we can all agree that he will do much better if he steps up and gets one. Plus he will be happier with himself! The only person who can make the OP happy, is himself. He has to believe in his personal power and tap into it. No job, career, money or looks can change that.
Recommended Posts