jandrze Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 Hi, I'm a 21 year old female and I've struggled with jealousy and hatred of other women my whole life. It's becomes particularly severe when I'm in a relationship. Hate is a strong word, but that's the best I know how to describe it. I get jealous of women my boyfriend has had sex with, the women he sees in porn, girls he checks out on the street, etc. etc. Sometimes it totally consumes me and it's depressing. I find myself putting down girls all around me to feel better about myself. When I see one particular girl my boyfriend used to sleep with (an ex-stripper), I want to beat the **** out of her. (this is partially because when I was nice to her she was dismissing and cruel to me, but still I would probably feel jealous anyway.) I am ready to stop feeling this way. Does anyone know of any good books on the subject? Has anyone conquered this problem? Thanks for reading this, looking forward to your responses.
clv0116 Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 I'm a ... female and I've struggled with jealousy and hatred of other women my whole life. It's nice you are honest with yourself about this. One meant-to-be-funny-while-still-a-little-true definition of misogynist is "A man who hates women as much as women do" and there is a shred of truth there. You seem to be a little extreme though, so maybe the realistic expectation is to try and tone it down while accepting that some of that is normal. How to do that? I'm not a chick so I can't help you there. Sorry.
armywife915 Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 :oI am the same way and I am 23 and married. I get mostly jealous of women on tv, how horrible is that? I do the same thing though, make fun of girls all the time even if they have the "perfect body." I made an appointment today with my doctor to see about some counseling. I feel like if my self esteem was better then it wouldn't be so bad. I have been struggling with this for over a year and I will tell you that I couldn't do it on my own.
2sure Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 Hi, I am ready to stop feeling this way. That alone is huge. You are just 21, and having just recognized your behavior and not liking it is a major step not just towards acting differently but feeling differently. The next step is to not verbalize these thoughts even though you may feel them. Stop giving them light, stop making them part of conversation. Stop making disparaging remarks about other women and this line of thought will not be as interesting to you. Its just another step, but your on the right path!
andwhoknew Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 It is really great you are ready to work on this. Our society is often misogynistic and I have a hunch many women share your troubles. I think it's a more common issue than is given credit. I am sorry I don't have recommendations for a specific program you might try. You might try heading to the library and checking out books on jealousy and competitiveness. If that doesn't give you some ideas, maybe counseling. One thing I can speak to from experience as helping with self-acceptance and acceptance of others is yoga and meditation. Sure the first few classes you may find yourself being jealous of the other women in the class. But they practice a consistent message of being who you are, and letting others be who they are, and clearing your mind of all thoughts. And if it doesn't help, at least it's some good exercise.
pinkie_fille Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 Sometimes, i am jealous of beautiful girls. It's normal.isn't it?
sisi Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 I used to be exactly like you.I hated all the pretty women my bf likes.And often puts them down to raise myself up.And often get mad when my bf mentions something like,"oh she's cute",etc...But now i'm 23 and it doesn't affect me that much.Sure i get jelouse at times but it just gets better. I don't know about any self help book on that subject but in my case i just worked on it.It eventually just gets better:)
Nikki Sahagin Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 I think women on women jealousy is definately fostered. Women are meant to have a certain amount of jealousy towards women just as men are meant to have a certain amount of jealousy towards men. It's natural because women compete for the attentions of men and men compete for the attentions of women. I'm not sure why jealousy seems to be more of an affliction for women. That said I know many jealous, insecure, controlling, possessive men so I think these qualities are 'asexual' as it were. Anyone can have these qualities and traits. I sometimes catch myself feeling the same. But I think (just my 2 cents) that women have become quite...dehumanised/depersonalised. It's easy for men (and other women) to see women as just sexual objects. Things that dress up and put some slap on and go out to steal your man. The group of girls YOU talk to you see as people because you talk about your worries and your happiness etc. But with women you don't know, that veil comes over your eyes of 'she's competition'. You see these women in that depersonalised light and probably make assumptions about them. I think the fear/insecurity lies either in you or in the behaviour of your boyfriend. Some men are quite insensitive and don't show any compassion or awareness of how what they do may effect the feelings of their girlfriends. Women are much more emotionally complex. Men are quite simple for want of a better word. That's why God made us second in my mind (to make us that bit more advanced ). If it's you then you can work on that. But if it is your boyfriend - then i'd say get rid of him. If you're boyfriend is adding to your insecurity then no amount of work you do on yourself will make the slightest difference as he will constantly be chipping it away. Remember the beauty you usually see is actually only make-up, straighteners, extensions, surgery, padded bras etc. It's all a dress-up game!
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