Ezekiel1337 Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 So for anyone who hasnt followed my story, here is the super truncated version. 1 month ago today, i called my ex and figured out she wasnt where she said she was, she was with a guy. She broke up with me that day saying that she wasnt happy with me anymore, and that i just was boring and a few other things. Well, the next day after that, we got back together to try again. A fine week went by, but when i left to mexico that weekend... things went back to how they were when she first broke up. Over the phone and when i got back, she was distant and obviously lying about where she was. I couldn't take that kind of abuse and that level of lies. So i broke up with her. We promised we wouldnt get into any relationships until a month later. Well, i kept my end of the deal, but i knew she wasnt. She lied and said she was, but as i recently found out due to her own admittance, she was actually living with a guy the entire time she was telling me she was keeping her promise. Well, when i called her and told her lets just move on, she was glad to hear it. But so was I, because i met the most fantastic girl ever. The new girl has actually been a childhood friend of mine, and has been there for me the entire time. She was actually my first girlfriend ever. Anyways, we have almost 90% similar interests and habbits. So its easy to be with her. She was crazy about me, i could tell. So after i called the ex and settled that, i made my move. I'm extremly happy with her. The new girl happened to be a somewhat of a friend/acuaintance of my ex. But somehow, my ex had the nerve to tell me she was hurt by me getting with this new girl. Despite the fact she was living with someone else after breaking up with ME. Well, school has started, and my ex and my new GF go to the same school. I actually let go of my ex for sometime, i was glad i stopped thinking about her, i didnt want to put my new relationship in jepordy by being stuck on an emotionally abusive, lying, cheating, b*tch of an ex. Love is wierd that way. So i actually complelty stopped talking to the ex, she hadnt sent texts like she had been for a few days. After i ignored enough of them, she left me alone. But, about 5 days ago my ex txt me and told me that her BF had hit her. She was getting yelled at and sort of imprisoned (he takes her keys and doesnt let her go anywhere) by him. I told her im sorry, but i cant do anything about it. I did tell her however, to get out of that relationship, because what he is doing will not stop. As a matter of fact it is just the beggining. She tired to say it was an accident, but she is nieve. I knew it wasnt. She changed her tune very quick. Now she would randomly txt me that she had made a huge mistake, or that she regreted leaving me, or that i was right about the fact that her decision was going to be a bad one, or that i really was a unique guy. Anything to kiss my ass. Although i was intoxicated with the feeling of being correct with a hint of revenge on my tounge, i did not let it show. I, for the most part, would ignore her. My ex had the nerve to talk to my GF at school, she told her that she had made a mistake leaving me, and that she was "glad" I found someone. My GF didnt tell me everything she said. But, i can kind of see my ex's agenda. Well, the frequency at which the ex would txt me to tell me that her BF was getting worse and worse was increasing. The night before last, she even started to call repetedly. I kept ignoring the calls, she kept calling. I had to turn my phone off. When i turned it back on later... she was still calling. I answered and told her not to call me anymore, but she begged me to listen. Well, after a few real senteces, i heard her BF walk in and she tried to act like she hated me. I just hung up. Last night she text me while i was asleep next to my GF. She was asking us to go pick her up because her BF had imprisoned her and who knows what else. Well... again, I said i couldnt do anything... and had to turn my phone off. The last thing she text me was the she was going to sleep in her car and that she has no one left. Not even her family. Do i block her number? Do i cuss her out and tell her to leave me alone? What she is doing is affecting my relationship right now. My GF deserves all of my heart. LIke i said, i can see my ex's agenda starting to emerge. My current GF is real good to me, and very smart. In no way shape or form do i want to exchange that for what i had. But the simple fact that i was with my ex for 3 1/2 years is why these feelings are comming up. LIke the fact that i want to help her, or that i feel sorry for her, or that i feel mad that her BF is hitting her. I want to get her out of my life, so i can dedicate myself to my current GF.... but how do i go about it?
WiseOne1 Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 I think you should leave it alone, you seem to be doing jus fine, don't let her bother you in any kind of way. I know you care about her or might even love her but it can only lead to trouble, you and him might get into a fight, or anything could happen. Its true that everyone makes mistakes but its also true there's somethings you just need to do on your own, trust me if she really wanted out she would get out, she would sneak out or call the cops or even calls some males in her famliy, she wants attention.
nature Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 Your ex is manipulating you becasue she knows you are kind. Tell her to call the police next time she texts or phones you that she is being "imprisoned". It is not your issue to deal with. If it is as serious as she says, the police should be involved. And she can go stay wtih a girlfriend.
smookie Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 I would let her know that what she is doing is not acceptable anymore and that you are not going to allow her life affect your current relationship. You should not even put into thought that there is any chance for the 2 of you getting back together, Tell her that you have moved on and can not be there for her anymore. Now for the feelings that you still hold, Of course you feel bad for her situation, my worst ememy I would not want that to happen with but please remember we all have ways to get out of anything if we want to, If she CHOOSES to sstay with him then thats now her problem not yours. Please do not feel bad about having feelings for her and feeling bad for her, you must however think in a different way. Her Choice not yours. If she see's that you are not reacting to her situation then she will leave you alone. ACTION / REACTION. Have fun with your new girl, love her and give her your energy, she is the one that deserves you think abpout her not the one that did not want to be with you. Good Luck Buddy
eDave Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 Dude, in reality, she made her own bed and I am sure she was very secure in her part of the decision. You have been very mature in being polite with her. That is all you need to do at this point. She is either seeking attention or knows she really did make a mistake. We all have but seldom are we allowed that second chance, especially when that second chance just is not there anymore. I have half a mind to tell you, next time she calls, to find out where she is or where he lives and call the cops on her behalf. Either you will save her or you will 'out' her. Your story is sad from her stand point but it proves 2 things: The grass IS NOT greener on the other sideThey tend to come back when you have moved on. Also, good for you for keeping you current GF in the loop.
Author Ezekiel1337 Posted January 26, 2009 Author Posted January 26, 2009 I appreciate all the comments and suggestions. They all fall withing the scope of my current approach to the situation. Although i have not CLEARLY stated that i am not able to be there for her anymore, i have alluded to it. I can tell that her contacting me is severely affecting her current relationship. The guy is even straight up saying that she is putting me first. Well, i told her that all ive ever wanted for her is the best. And if we keep talking, her happiness will be at stake. Although this guy has issues, clearly i (unwillingly) am part of the cause. I told her to give herself some room with this guy. I mean, litterally 1 week after breaking up with me she moved in with him. IN my opinion, way way way way to fast. I told her to go back to her home with her parents, and spend maximum 4 out of 7 nights a week there. That way they can give eachother some breathing space. If the guy is the same, even after the changes, then it's not the environment or me that is the problem, it is him. And that if she doesnt leave him after knowing it is him, then that there is nothing she can complain about. Because at that point she is willingly participating and allwoing this drama fiasco to be part of her life. I also told she is going to have to chill out on the talking to me, for the sake of her relationship and herself. She is not moving on because she is still talking to me. Im sure if she stopped talking to me, she could begin the process of letting go, as i have. But the communication just stops that process all together. I have never lied to my ex, i have never cheated on her (except one time that her former best friend drugged my ex with xanax and alcohol to put her to sleep, drugged me with ecstacy, and then took me into the next room and coaxed me into having sex with her but that is a different story) even though she has cheated on my 3 times already. And i intend to be the same way with my current GF. Therefore, i do not lie to her about when she contacts me and what she says. I feel bad that she has to watch my phone go off knowning who it is. For the most part, today has been better. She seems to have taken my advice, spent the night with her parents... and is willing to change things and stop trying to drag me into her personal life that does not matter to me. Thanks again for the advice guys.
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