Author 39388 Posted January 29, 2009 Author Posted January 29, 2009 Ummm, yeah. Not so much with me. I would not be leaving with happy thoughts, but I don't know...I'm a prude by average standards...so maybe it's just me That's good! I'm hoping most women are like you. I can't stand it when other men get rewarded for such things. I need to find that elusive middle ground since I'm the type that is likely to be afraid to touch at all.
fishtaco Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 If the girl ends up playing a game with you then just play the game back HARDER...that's the only way you'll learn and experience it... Yep. By default I prefer no games. But once things aren't going in a straight forward manner, it's time for games. A lot of women would proclaim "no games", but they tend to be the first to throw in the gauntlet. Action speaks louder than words. There are all types of women out there. For non-naturals (like the OP and me), we have to learn to recognize situations. It's pattern recognition basically. Don't try to make sense out of it, it'll never work. You see these signs, and you respond these ways. There's only one way to learn that - go out there and meet a lot of women. Try and fail and try again. You learn more from failures than successes. The key is not to just block off the failures, like oh she's just a biotch anyway, or some other excuse. Try to learn what went wrong and what you should have done better. And next time you're in the same situation with a different girl, now you know what to do, and the right thing to do includes running away should the situation demands it - there are a lot of psycho chicks out there. As for the women that only flirt for fun, yes, there are a lot of them out there. So you flirt right back at them. You go through your process. You flirt, and then you get number, and then you try to get a date out of them. If they're just flirting for fun, when it time to move to the next step, they'll disappear. So you shrug and you move on to the next one. What did you get out of it? You practiced your flirting skills. Or maybe you detected too much drama? Well now it's your turn to disappear. Again, pattern recognition. You can't avoid women like that; there's no way to tell unless you go in there and get your hands dirty. But learn to watch for the signs, know how to respond, learn not to place your bets too high, believe in actions not words, and know when to high tail it outta there. Why do you get you ass whooped by 13 year old kids at video games? Because they play that damn thing all day long. Dating isn't much different. It's a game too. The more you play, the better you'll get at it.
Author 39388 Posted January 30, 2009 Author Posted January 30, 2009 I can try, but I expect if the games get intense, the relationship will be over. There may be some things I can do to play along with some types of games. One of the worst types of games out there is when I'm told "everything is ok" when she does not like one of my behaviors. I think we all know what happens eventually in this case and it is not good. I do have a chance if the games don't get too intense, which is a lot more than I thought a month ago.
Author 39388 Posted January 30, 2009 Author Posted January 30, 2009 If the girl ends up playing a game with you then just play the game back HARDER...that's the only way you'll learn and experience it...that's when you'll start to pick up on cues if she's playing games with you. Trust your instincts in this types of situation. It's usually correct. Remember, "Don't hate the playah'. Hate the game" That would mean I'm not being myself. I have to be honest with others and if they don't respect me for that, there is little I can do. If some women want extreme gamess and extreme drama, they should look somewhere else. I will never agree with that quote either.
fishtaco Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 I can try, but I expect if the games get intense, the relationship will be over. I'm confused? You're in a relationship? I thought you were single and dating? Relationships are a whole different beast. What I said ONLY applies to pre-relationship dating, which is what I thought this whole thread was about. And by relationship I mean exclusive relationship. Anything that's not exclusive is automatically assumed to be casual in my books, but that's because I'm not into that poly-amorous thing. I can have many women I date casually, or only one that I date seriously. Don't assume you have a relationship when you haven't talked about being exclusive with each other. Doesn't matter if you've been having wild monkey sex five times a day during a vacation together to Paris. If you both have not talked about being exclusive and agreed to it, it doesn't count, and you have to use your pre-relationship casual dating mindset/approach. That would mean I'm not being myself. That's great and all, but that line can be abused. Extreme example would be a person with poor hygiene. Oh, I'm just being myself, taking shower more than once is a week is just not me. I have friends that play video games at home all day and are destined to become 40 year old virgins. Are they just being themselves too, or are they escaping something they're afraid of and hiding behind that "being myself" line? It's a gradient between being 100% honest and 100% effective at the other end. Pick your spot, but you can't have both. Personally I wouldn't recommend either extreme. Somewhere in the middle is the best. The game is here to stay, whether you play it or not. Many things in life are like this. Why do I need a college degree? I'm not even doing something I went to school for. It's not about what you learned, it's about getting that check mark. Otherwise your boss would low-ball your salary. Does that make sense? Nope, but that's the system. If you get lucky and win the lotto or get a fat inheritance, then you can afford to stay out of that game. Otherwise, you either play ball or you'll be at an disadvantage. That's life. Dating is only one aspect of life, and is no exception - play ball, or you'll be doing twice the work (unless you're banking on your luck).
Author 39388 Posted January 31, 2009 Author Posted January 31, 2009 I'm not in a relationship and have not found a date. Dating doesn't seem like a casual thing to me. It would certainly be non casual if I got as far as kissing. It would be anything but casual if I slept with her. Maybe it is a problem that I think this way. Clearly the rest of the population has had more success than me at this. It would not be out of line to call myself a spectacular failure up until now. Yes the "being myself" line can be abused. Yes, I am willing to improve myself and work on changing some things. But no, I will not do a 180 on my personality and be something I am not. I will not pretend not to want someone when I do or vice versa. I'm not banking on luck. I have had none. 5 years and 40 year old virgin is coming for me unless I change something. Maybe it is either make a dramatic change or get nothing.
turnshyness Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 In the beginning it'll be casual dating. Lighten up and just have fun w/ it. When I started dating, I also looked at it sooo seriously but once you hit the first date you start realizing that you're just "hanging out" and if something turns into a serious relationship then great if not move on to the next one. Dating also teaches your values, your weaknesses - how to exploit your weakness and improve those. Just have fun w/ it and just look at it as hanging out..that way you'll enjoy the date instead of focusing too much on stupid things. Dating doesn't seem like a casual thing to me. It would certainly be non casual if I got as far as kissing. It would be anything but casual if I slept with her. Maybe it is a problem that I think this way. Clearly the rest of the population has had more success than me at this. It would not be out of line to call myself a spectacular failure up until now. You're not changing your personality or who you are but rather you are merely changing the presentation of things. Think of it this way. You show up on a lot filled with luxury cars... Salesman shows you two exact same cars...same engine, interior, specs, etc. Ok? There is a slight catch/difference. The other car has a faded exterior paint...you wouldnt buy that right? Same price same everything but just faded paint. By default/instinct you'd go w/ the one that is not fading. Same thing applies when you're trying to present yourself in a different manner. All you're doing is changing the presentation and perhaps by doing so increases your opportunity and make it easier to walk up to women and talk to them etc. Doing this also takes you out of your comfort zone. By trying different styles you learn how to be more comfortable w/ urself more. Yes the "being myself" line can be abused. Yes, I am willing to improve myself and work on changing some things. But no, I will not do a 180 on my personality and be something I am not. I will not pretend not to want someone when I do or vice versa. Right. I agree. Sometimes we have to create our own luck. Sometimes things just doesnt fall on our lap and we have to pursue things BUT you're doing something abt a situation so that counts a lot towards something. Be patient and keep pushing hard. This is not an overnight turnaround thing. It's a process for everyone... I'm not banking on luck. I have had none. 5 years and 40 year old virgin is coming for me unless I change something. Maybe it is either make a dramatic change or get nothing.
Author 39388 Posted January 31, 2009 Author Posted January 31, 2009 turnshyness, good luck with your dating. You were close to becoming like me. 24 and nothing and now you have a couple dates. 34 and nothing may as well be 84 and nothing. I'm so angry with this, so angry with so many people right now. There isn't anyone to talk to about this. Would be nice if someone were to ever give me a chance. haha I could pay ten thousand to a prostitute and she would run.
You'reasian Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 "Touching a woman inappropriately on the first date will get you further with her than not touching her at all. Don’t let a woman’s faux indignation at your boldness sway you; they secretly love it when a man aggressively pursues what he wants and makes his sexual intentions known. You don’t have to be an *******, but if you have no choice, being an inconsiderate ******* beats being a polite beta, every time." I see this advice given all the time on dating sites and I don't get it. Wouldn't touching a woman inappropriately land someone in jail? I have gotten myself in big trouble with friends and on jobs for making a slightly off color joke. Touching on a first date would seem far far worse. Why is it encouraged? You can't and shouldn't force yourself on a woman. If there's chemistry, definitely move closer to her and hold her hand. Feel it. Keep your eyes locked on hers. If there's no chemistry, just be respectful and back off. It takes practice to build your instincts. You don't have to be a brute about it but you have to know how to assert yourself when your woman is interested in you. When you do, do it with romance and passion - let her know she is the only thing in the room that's worth paying any attention to and kiss her like its the last time you'll ever get to kiss her...
Author 39388 Posted January 31, 2009 Author Posted January 31, 2009 You can't and shouldn't force yourself on a woman. If there's chemistry, definitely move closer to her and hold her hand. Feel it. Keep your eyes locked on hers. If there's no chemistry, just be respectful and back off. It takes practice to build your instincts. You don't have to be a brute about it but you have to know how to assert yourself when your woman is interested in you. When you do, do it with romance and passion - let her know she is the only thing in the room that's worth paying any attention to and kiss her like its the last time you'll ever get to kiss her... There is no chemistry. Clearly women don't want anything to do with me. 35th birthday and zero dates. Even the laughable 40 year old virgin surley has more of a clue. I just don't get it. There won't be date date. Even if tehre was and there's a chance at a kiss, she would call 911 if I tried and have me arrested. It is also funny how you call yourself weak. Was that some joke too? 3x stronger than me and still weak. What does that make me?
fishtaco Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 I'm not in a relationship and have not found a date. Dating doesn't seem like a casual thing to me. It would certainly be non casual if I got as far as kissing. It would be anything but casual if I slept with her. Maybe it is a problem that I think this way. Clearly the rest of the population has had more success than me at this. It would not be out of line to call myself a spectacular failure up until now. Isn't that a big hint? How about you jump on the band wagon and be like the rest of the population?
turnshyness Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 Thanks 39388. I appreciate it. You know I just realized w/ these postings..the one principe I kinda started to forget: dont compare yourself to other people. There's always a faster gun in town so comparing yourself to other people means you're always going to loose. We all have different resources, different situation so it's not really fair if we compare ourselves to other people. This isnt abt a competition w/ other people. You should look at this as a competition against YOURSELF. When you were getting your Ph.D, that was a goal right? and you achieved it. Did you achieve that it one month, one day, one hour? No. You had to work your way through grad school and post graduate school. Same thing w/ dating. You need to work your way through it. I see you're hitting some set backs and self defeating thoughts. That's fine. Sometimes you gotta take 2 steps back to move 3 steps forward. Dont ever regress and keep moving forward! You can do this dude! turnshyness, good luck with your dating. You were close to becoming like me. 24 and nothing and now you have a couple dates. 34 and nothing may as well be 84 and nothing. You seriously need to stop doing this. Let go of this angry thoughts dude! Hang in there! I'm so angry with this, so angry with so many people right now. There isn't anyone to talk to about this. Would be nice if someone were to ever give me a chance. haha I could pay ten thousand to a prostitute and she would run.
Recommended Posts