Author my body is a cage Posted January 28, 2009 Author Posted January 28, 2009 anyone? still no text.... my roomate thinks hes trying to keep it casual / show he doesn't want a relationship or anything with me
oceangrl Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 Well I know I'll probably get flamed for this, but I don't think he pursued you enough.....so IMO it wasn't your turn to initiate. And I think you initially had the right idea - that you don't want to come across as being needy. And just because you turn him down once when you are busy, shouldn't interfere with his interest in you. If a guy really likes a girl, he'll do whatever it takes to be with her and he doesn't have to persue him because his intentions will be made clear. Also, it could be that hes just busy right now with his friends...I wouldn't get worked up over this. Just give him some time to make his move.
Author my body is a cage Posted January 29, 2009 Author Posted January 29, 2009 Well I know I'll probably get flamed for this, but I don't think he pursued you enough.....so IMO it wasn't your turn to initiate. And I think you initially had the right idea - that you don't want to come across as being needy. And just because you turn him down once when you are busy, shouldn't interfere with his interest in you. If a guy really likes a girl, he'll do whatever it takes to be with her and he doesn't have to persue him because his intentions will be made clear. Also, it could be that hes just busy right now with his friends...I wouldn't get worked up over this. Just give him some time to make his move. ok thank you i appreciate this alternate perspective... so you don't think this is a big deal, but he still may not be that into it?
Lucky_One Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 I am not really sure what to tell you in terms of this guy, but I would like to suggest that maybe you slow down on the hooking up with guys at parties. If you stress on whether or not to sit beside him in class the next day, then maybe you should stress more about whether or not to take your clothes off in front of him and be intimate? Let some time pass the next time you meet a guy you are interested in - and date. That way you will know whether or not he is interested in YOU or just interested in your booty.
Star Gazer Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 If you stress on whether or not to sit beside him in class the next day, then maybe you should stress more about whether or not to take your clothes off in front of him and be intimate? Pretty blunt, but great point nonetheless.
citizen67 Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 Do college kids even go on dates anymore? Do they have boyfriends/girlfriends, or do they just hook up?
Author my body is a cage Posted January 29, 2009 Author Posted January 29, 2009 Do college kids even go on dates anymore? Do they have boyfriends/girlfriends, or do they just hook up? hardly. dates are pretty rare, relationships are rarer, but it does happen. frankly the whole situation blows, especially for girls. anyway, this guy texted me a whopping 7 hours? later saying sorry i was fell asleep and didnt wake up until recently, i cant make it to the movie bc i have to get dinner with my friend but are you going out tonight? i responded about two hours ago that i may or may not go out tonight, what about him no response. sigh.
Author my body is a cage Posted January 29, 2009 Author Posted January 29, 2009 Do you people speak? yeahhh... what do you mean? we talk, we have three classes together that we walk back and forth from and we talk when we hang out. i didnt put any of the details of last semester but there was quite a lot of buildup before we hooked up too. i can see that you guys arent taking this very seriously. i do like him and this situation is making me feel like ****. last night he never responded to the second text message. i saw him out, but we only talked VERY briefly, a high how are you sort of a thing. i think its fair to say hes just not that into me at this point.
carhill Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 See, it's like this....if the two of you are diving into a corner for a chat when you're out and the others are going "whaz up wit them??", then you're getting somewhere. Texting is fine as adjunct communication to the in-person, eyes-locked, no one else exists real kind of discourse between a man and woman who are attracted to each other. Capiche?
confused_2008 Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 "whaz up wit them??" haha are you getting in touch with your youth, carhill? He brings up a good point though, OP. If he feels no need to really connect with you other than small talk, it's probably looking bleak.
StartingOver07 Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 I think you have created a FWB situation here and it is going to be very difficult to move it to another ground. If what you are after is a relationship (with this guy or any future guy) you would be better off waiting to see if that is a mutual goal before hooking up. Otherwise, what you have signaled, albeit unintentionally, is that you are looking for a f***buddy, not a bf. I'd sya you should cut your losses here. Be friendly, but avoid future hool-ups unless you are ok with FWB. One of two things will happen: He will cool off (most likely) or he will decide to pursue you for real (less likely, imo). But I do not believe you can turn this ship around single-handedly.
carhill Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 haha are you getting in touch with your youth, carhill? He brings up a good point though, OP. If he feels no need to really connect with you other than small talk, it's probably looking bleak. LOL, more than you know It's really about signals. If they're strong enough, everyone notices. I personally think the OP is trying too hard. Remember, carefree college life
Author my body is a cage Posted January 29, 2009 Author Posted January 29, 2009 oh well i forgot to say, his friend (who is in one of our classes) asked is a good friend of mines ex boyfriend. they arent really on good terms, but she went over to chat with him at his house yesterday and he actually mentioned me and this kid. he was like so i think theres something going on they sit together blah blah and basically asked her how he could help, saying that this guy hasnt said anything about it but he noticed something. she just said that we had hooked up before and im interested but just trying to see where it goes. her ex boyfriend thinks im really awesome so he said he was gonna like be subtle and talk me up, i guess. just thought i would point that out because that goes along with what you were saying. but yeah, i feel like ive made my own bed here i guess. hes probably not going to see me as anything more than a FWB and i guess thats my fault. i feel like if things had been less weird last semester there would be potential but once again i messed things up. sigh. oh and also its upsetting because it felt like there was potential with him like sitting next to me and being affectionate with me in front of his friends etc, but i suppose not. i learned my lesson though, i suppose. casual hook ups are not for me. i hope he knows this isnt something i do with any random guy. at this point im just going to stop trying, and see how he acts. if hooking up comes up in the future i will say to him that casual sex is not for me and that i think we should get to know each other better before continuing anything and see how he reacts.
Author my body is a cage Posted January 30, 2009 Author Posted January 30, 2009 sigh so do you guys think hes just not that into me?
Star Gazer Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 I think you have created a FWB situation here and it is going to be very difficult to move it to another ground. If what you are after is a relationship (with this guy or any future guy) you would be better off waiting to see if that is a mutual goal before hooking up. Otherwise, what you have signaled, albeit unintentionally, is that you are looking for a f***buddy, not a bf. I'd sya you should cut your losses here. Be friendly, but avoid future hool-ups unless you are ok with FWB. One of two things will happen: He will cool off (most likely) or he will decide to pursue you for real (less likely, imo). But I do not believe you can turn this ship around single-handedly. I agree completely. OP - he will most certainly contact you again... when he wants to get laid. There's really nothing you can do to change the dynamics of your relationship now. So when he contacts you - which he will - it will be up to you to decide whether you can handle strictly FWB (and don't think you can convince him otherwise!), or nothing at all.
Miranda1 Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 I hate text messaging - I think it's the devil! It really does ruin relationships before they've even begun! It seems like I've ruined a friendship with a guy a met a few months ago, because of text messaging! I'll say the wrong thing at the wrong time, and then you can't take it back. The only time this guy replied to my text messages is when I asked him if he wanted to catch up - if it's anything else, I'll be lucky to get a reply at all! The other thing is, I think he wanted to be more than friends, and I'm afraid I've broken his heart! Grr...text messaging!
unacceptable62 Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Are you so sure that he wasn't just in it for the poon from the get-go? I mean a lot of the things he said/did/didn't do sound like the classic sweet talk that is obligatory with hooking up for girls that aren't as "easy". And another lesson to be learned is that you should ALWAYS call if you are stressing like this. Text messaging is so impersonal and so easy to blow off. If you call and he doesn't answer, chances are that he's not that into you.
dreamergrl Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 I don't think this guy has a relationship interest in you. It's possible that it is because of how things played off, it's also possible that it is just he was after sex from the get go. Either way, I think it's time to move on. He doesn't want a relationship, it's time to find someone who does since that is what you want.
oceangrl Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 And another lesson to be learned is that you should ALWAYS call if you are stressing like this. I would always let the guy call first - by not answering the text in the first place. And if he texts multiple times, text him back and tell him you prefer phone calls. Calling (when your stressed about him not texting back) just makes a girl look overly eager and stirs up drama IMO.
Author my body is a cage Posted January 30, 2009 Author Posted January 30, 2009 the reason i think he MIGHT have wanted a relationship before is because right when we hooked up the first time, last semester, i wasnt expecting anything to come of it necessarily but he sat down next to me in this TA session three days later and told me to call him that night. i ended up texting him, he came to this bar to see me but right as it was closing. then he got a ride home to his house and told me to come over, but i drunkenly said i would and then was like oops im at home... after that things were kind of nebulous for a while, but eventually he pulled through with effort but now we are where we are now. i guess this is the way things in college work tho. had class with him today, went quite well, we joked around alot, i got a few laughs from him which is good (and his friends when i told them i thought i got locked in his friends bathroom last night and had to jump out the window). ended with a bye/see you! soooo yeah. i mean, im going to try to take things slow, not give up necesarily but try to keep myself occupied with other things, see where stuff goes, not contact him and see if he contacts me, and talk to him if need be.
unacceptable62 Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 I know that I am not in a place to judge you or your relationships. But I think that it is smarter to try to connect with someone before you hook up with them. Of course, if you are just looking for ONS or FWB, then ignore that advice. As a guy, if I had a girl that hooked up with me when we first met, and continued to hook up with me afterwards, I wouldn't necessarily want to put forth the effort of a relationship if I knew that the sex could be had just as easily with out one.
Author my body is a cage Posted January 30, 2009 Author Posted January 30, 2009 I know that I am not in a place to judge you or your relationships. But I think that it is smarter to try to connect with someone before you hook up with them. Of course, if you are just looking for ONS or FWB, then ignore that advice. As a guy, if I had a girl that hooked up with me when we first met, and continued to hook up with me afterwards, I wouldn't necessarily want to put forth the effort of a relationship if I knew that the sex could be had just as easily with out one. right, well, it wasn't when we first met first of all, there was quite a lot of buildup. but yes, that makes sense, i know i messed things up in those regards. but on the flipside, i wouldnt want him to be putting in effort for a relationship if what he really wanted was just sex. my logic is, first of all, its ****ing 2009. if a guy is not going to want a relation ship with me because i as a girl also happen to have a sex drive, i wouldnt want a relationship with him anyway. what i gather is that if you like someone, sex or no sex shouldnt make a difference. obviously for me, in this situation, its causing me a lot of anguish so now i know that this is not something that i should do. but if people can have sex without getting attached and then decide that they enjoy spending time with each other enough to be exclusive then yes that a roundabout way of starting a relationship sure, but i dont think theres anything wrong with it.
confused_2008 Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 right, well, it wasn't when we first met first of all, there was quite a lot of buildup. but yes, that makes sense, i know i messed things up in those regards. but on the flipside, i wouldnt want him to be putting in effort for a relationship if what he really wanted was just sex. my logic is, first of all, its ****ing 2009. if a guy is not going to want a relation ship with me because i as a girl also happen to have a sex drive, i wouldnt want a relationship with him anyway. what i gather is that if you like someone, sex or no sex shouldnt make a difference. obviously for me, in this situation, its causing me a lot of anguish so now i know that this is not something that i should do. but if people can have sex without getting attached and then decide that they enjoy spending time with each other enough to be exclusive then yes that a roundabout way of starting a relationship sure, but i dont think theres anything wrong with it. My opinion is you're beating yourself up way too much over this. If he was really interested in a relationship, you giving it up right away isn't what's stopping him. If he was genuinely interested in you, he would be making the effort. And besides, the burden shouldn't be on the woman to determine what's going to come of the relationship by how soon she has sex with the man (but I guess that's usually the case, huh?). I think you two are at a disconnect with what you want and that's not due to mistakes from either party.
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