my body is a cage Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 I'm a sophomore girl in college and i like a junior boy. Everything has been going pretty well... we hooked up towards the end of last semester, bad timing pretty much prevented us from hooking again that semester, but i will not go into the details because they turned out to be insignificant. This semester, which has only been going on for a week, we have three classes in a row together. I was stressed out about how that was going to go, but to my pleasant surprise, he waited for me after our first class and since then we've been walking to every class and sitting in class together, even when he has friends in the class. On friday night I ran into him at a party. We were flirting and he put his arm around me, then he asked if i wanted to invite some friends to go hang out with his friends at his frat (he is NOT your typical frat guy aside from the fact that he drinks alot sometimes). My friends refused to go but I didn't want to send him mixed signals like I feel I had accidentally in the past so I said i would go anyway. I felt uncomfortable at first because I was the ONLY girl at the frat haha but everyone was really nice and welcoming. (I asked him a bunch of times if I was infringing on bro time too and he made it clear i wasn't) We made out in his room a little and then went to another room to go hang out with his friends. Also to my surprise, he was really affectionate in front of his friends! Like putting his arm around me and laying on my lap etc. Then we went back to his room and hooked up again. Afterwards we cuddled, smoked a spliff and listened to beatles, and went to sleep holding each other. I woke up at like 7 and couldnt fall back asleep so let him know and left. I didn't text him all day nor did he text me. I saw him at a party late, and he instantly came up to me and kissed me on the cheek and said hi how are you. We talked very briefly but then my friend pulled me away. Then we were in a hallway of a party talking to different groups of people. At one point he passed me and put his arm on my shoulder. He initiated talking to me again a bit later but it was only some small talk. Then my friend and I happened to go to the bathroom just as he walked in. As he was on his way out I asked him what he was doing and he said he was going to go check out what was going on at his house and asked what I was doing. I said I was gonna go smoke with my two friends, one of which is a good guy friend of his. He said oh ok well I will text you or something. So yeah, this is where the only problematic part of the story is.,. he never texted me. On one hand I didn't want to hook up again that night or anything so I don;t really mind, but why say youre going to text me if you have no intention of doing it?! I wouldnt have cared if he had said oh ok well I'll see you later. And in the past he's always been really good about texting/calling when he said he was going to, even if its to say actually I'm just going to go to sleep. I feel like sometimes I say I will text people when I won't, but if I'm, actally concerned about that person I will always text them when I say I will. I suppose I have class with him tomorrow so time will tell anyway... (if he doesn't walk with me now that would be bad news) But basically my question is... should I be concerned about the fact that he didn't text me? Do you think it is a sign he is no longer interested?
westrock Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 But basically my question is... should I be concerned about the fact that he didn't text me? Do you think it is a sign he is no longer interested? No, you should not be concerned. It's just a text message. Besides, sometimes text messages get lost in cyberspace and don't make to to the recipient. Pesonally, I would not worry about it and enjoy your time when you see him the next time.
carhill Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 More electrons; the relevance of such being relevant... OP, this is carefree college life. Casual hook ups, recreational drug use, no worries. Enjoy
Author my body is a cage Posted January 25, 2009 Author Posted January 25, 2009 More electrons; the relevance of such being relevant... OP, this is carefree college life. Casual hook ups, recreational drug use, no worries. Enjoy haha im not quite sure i follow...
carhill Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 he said he'd text and he didn't..... no worries, in the context of carefree college life
Author my body is a cage Posted January 25, 2009 Author Posted January 25, 2009 gah yeah, haha i try to be carefree but i do like this kid so im worried he doesnt like me?
Surfer Dude Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 gah yeah, haha i try to be carefree but i do like this kid so im worried he doesnt like me? What's preventing you from texting him?
zenith Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 What's preventing you from texting him? ditto... why can't you text him?
Author my body is a cage Posted January 26, 2009 Author Posted January 26, 2009 so you think that at this point i should take some more initiative? i didnt want to text him because i want to show im not a needy girl. well ok i actually facebook chatted him to ask him a question about homework. i said hey ____ and then asked him about the website for one of our classes? he wrote back yo and answered my question then we talked about classes for a few minutes and then i said i was going to dinner and thanked him enthusiastically and he said ok word see you later and i was like yep bright and early in the mroning it was very neutral and class oriented, and he didnt express any excitement or anything online but i suppose you boys dont always do that now do you? im kinda bummed by how nuetral it was tho. what if he doesnt wait for me tomorrow? am i overthinking this or do you think that for wahtever reason hes not interested?
Surfer Dude Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 so you think that at this point i should take some more initiative? i didnt want to text him because i want to show im not a needy girl. Be careful with playing mindgames, you're doing it and it's backfiring already. The "ice queen" tactic can work in some situations (with needy, desperate guys), but guys who have a lot of options are just going to next you. You have to understand that we guys operate on "positive feedback" women give us during the seduction phase. If we can't gauge your responses/or if they are bad, we pull out and go for someone who gives us more positive feedback. it was very neutral and class oriented, and he didnt express any excitement or anything online but i suppose you boys dont always do that now do you? Why would he express excitement? What value did you provide in order to earn his excitement? im kinda bummed by how nuetral it was tho. what if he doesnt wait for me tomorrow? am i overthinking this or do you think that for wahtever reason hes not interested?Again, you're playing mindgames with someone you really like. Maybe he's just busy or seeing other girls. Unless you give him something to operate on, be prepared to lose him.
mr.dream merchant Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 SurferDude hit the nail on the head. Quit playing mindgames and do what you do. If you like him pursue him.
Author my body is a cage Posted January 26, 2009 Author Posted January 26, 2009 woah woah wait! im not playing mind games! i just don't want to come off as too needy. ive always been told that boys will run if they are chased, you know? if i act uninterested its not because im playing mind games, its because im insecure that they like me and am looking for reassurance. i know thats not fair either and also causes problems, but its not like im trying to play hard to get for some sort of ulterior motive. anyway, i dont necessarily think ive been doing that with him at all! i was just saying its possible that i have been doing that as a reflex without meaning to. anyway, i think im just going to sit next to him in class tomorrow if theres a seat available and show my interest.
Author my body is a cage Posted January 26, 2009 Author Posted January 26, 2009 oh and also, its past the seduction phase.
carhill Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 OP, stop analyzing and start going with your instincts. That's part of being carefree. Hope class goes well
Author my body is a cage Posted January 27, 2009 Author Posted January 27, 2009 haha thanks, im trying. so i saw him on the way to class and i asked where he was sitting, he pointed to his friends and i sat down next to him too. we talked a little but i feel like it was maybe a little weird... i mostly just wanted to make a gesture out of sitting next to him though. after class i went to go talk to my friends who were sitting somewhere else (its like an 100) class and he didnt wait for me. at first i was a little tiffed... like was that a you shouldnt have sat with me signal? then in the next class he sat next to me though and talked to me a little more. then he asked if i was walking to the next class and we walked and talked together, and id say it went pretty well. he mentioned friday night. then we sat together in the next class although his friends werent there in class so yeah. i teased him a little, blah blah. then when class was over he asked me when my lab section was, i said it was that day his was thursday right? and id let him know what we did so he would be prepared. he said please do and then bye ___! and i was like bye! and that was it. as much as i usually try to find things to analyze, this one has not really left that much to analyze. at first i was pissed that he didnt wait for me after the first class, because he did that the first day we had that class. overall, im not sure what he wants. do you think hes losing interest? wants something casual? wants a relationship? wants nothing at all? how do you think i should proceed??
dreamergrl Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 Ask him to dinner or a movie, or something. Make a move. To me, other then you sitting by him and what not, he does most of the initializing. It's your turn.
Still Trying Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 Talk to him. But first decide what you want out of this. If the answer is a casual fling, or an, "I don't know" you can't expect much from him if you don't know yourself. If you want to pursue a real relationship with him, I agree start by asking him out on a real date. I can tell you from my experience that this would be a huge turn on for me (a guy). Follow up with a soft conversation about your current relationship, feel it out a little, pay attention to his responses. If you can go out and hang out with him a few times and you've hooked up a few times it's completely fair to ask him what he wants out of being with you, and chances are that he'll show you what he wants as well. Sure, there's a line to be drawn about being "needy" and too forward but it doesn't sound like you're doing either of those things. Call him and pursue him a bit, see where it goes. And I agree about the lost text message thing. I actually got into a little tiff with my GF about a lost text message before, it's rare but it does happen.
Author my body is a cage Posted January 27, 2009 Author Posted January 27, 2009 haha i don't know i really don't think the text mesage was lost in space... the way he said i'll text your or something sounded very vague and i had a feeling he wasn't going to text me from the start, even though he had acted positively that evening before that. i would ask him to hang out for a movie or something but im really afraid of getting turned down! im really not sure that he wants something meaningful out of this... maybe he did before but now its too late?
Author my body is a cage Posted January 28, 2009 Author Posted January 28, 2009 ugh any other input? im really starting to worry that he has been trying to hint that he's not interested anymore
Star Gazer Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 Hmm. Ya know, if I were a guy who casually hooked up with a girl at my frat house, and she seemed to have a sort of laissez-faire attitude towards the whole thing (the way you've behaved towards him), I'd probably question whether she ... uh ... casually hooked up with other guys. What I'm saying is, I don't think guys want girls to go all psycho-crazy-clingy after sex, but I think they need *something* to indicate that you're into them. I'm not seeing anything here that demonstrates TO HIM you're into him.
zenith Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 ^^^ good point OP, you need to show him that you are interested... LOL @ laissez-faire
Author my body is a cage Posted January 28, 2009 Author Posted January 28, 2009 ok, thanks guys. i suppose thats a valid point so, do you guys think i should say, invite him to go see the film series movie tomorrow night? wednesday isthe first night of the week people go out though, so i dont want him to think im demanding every single weekend night from him suddenly. ps. also a good friend of mine (girl) is good friends with his good friend (boy [just friends girl has a serious boyfriend]) whom we had class with today and im pretty sure she asked her friend if he wanted to go to the movie with us tomorrow (because i also said i would go with her)... should i mention that all of us are probably going and ask if he wants to come along? or should i make it more clear what my intentions are?
RedRussian Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 "thanked him enthusiastically"...hmm...i would of loved to see that!
Author my body is a cage Posted January 28, 2009 Author Posted January 28, 2009 ok welll so yesterday he texted me about homework, once again, and we had a short convo about that... then today he was only in my last class, but we sat together (his friends sat with us too). when class was over we were walking out together and his friends were walking in front of him, he asked them if they wre going to lunch at this place, they said yes, he turned to me and asked if i wanted to come. i once again said i was meeting some people at a different place, and he was like oh ok... see you later then and i was like ok bye~ then i texted him right after being like by the way would you have any interst in going to the film series tonight... im going with my friend and im pretty sure she invited your friend- not entirely posetive tho haha that was two hours ago and he hasnt responded!! :(:( do you think he was put off by the fact that i said no to lunch? i asked him if he wanted to go to the film series right away afterwards! wouldnt he respond if he actually liked me?? imr eally stressed/upset about this right now
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