Confused09 Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 Hi all, thanks in advance for your advice! Here's my problem: My best friend has a new boyfriend and she is spending 24/7 with him (almost literally, this is college and people can do that easily)! He is a really great guy: he is taking things slow physically, he does not seem like the jealous type (I am a guy, not a girl, so this is important) ect… However, I rarely see her anymore (as opposed to spending probably half our free time together before this guy came along). I have lots of other great friends, I date a lot of girls, and I have a great social life, but I really miss my best friend. I have talked with her about it, hinting how hurt I am, but she just makes excuses, says that eventually (months down the road!) things will tone down a little (but still not get anywhere near normal!!) ect… If I were a little younger, I would just wait this out for a few weeks, but we are getting to the age (19) where these things can begin to last a LONG time. I feel like once its over, I can let her know, not only how bad for romantic relationships this sort of thing can be, but how much it hurt me as a friend. I trust that after that, she won't do it again in her next relationship. However, it seems like it could possibly be months or even years and until the relationship is over, I doubt I can make her see the light before then. What do I do? -Hurt and Confused
UnamedSeven Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 You can't force her to do anything. Believe me, if you were to leave, she could just adapt to being without you. This is happening to me but i know i will benefit from it all, in the end. The pain is unbearable. If you told her that you are really hurt, and she isn't willing to do anything about it, then let her be. Go No Contact and let her come to you. If she doesn't, she wasn't a good enough friend, for you, in the first place. I know it's hard to just walk away from her completely, but it may have to be done.
You'reasian Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 Hi all, thanks in advance for your advice! Here's my problem: My best friend has a new boyfriend and she is spending 24/7 with him (almost literally, this is college and people can do that easily)! He is a really great guy: he is taking things slow physically, he does not seem like the jealous type (I am a guy, not a girl, so this is important) ect… However, I rarely see her anymore (as opposed to spending probably half our free time together before this guy came along). I have lots of other great friends, I date a lot of girls, and I have a great social life, but I really miss my best friend. I have talked with her about it, hinting how hurt I am, but she just makes excuses, says that eventually (months down the road!) things will tone down a little (but still not get anywhere near normal!!) ect… If I were a little younger, I would just wait this out for a few weeks, but we are getting to the age (19) where these things can begin to last a LONG time. I feel like once its over, I can let her know, not only how bad for romantic relationships this sort of thing can be, but how much it hurt me as a friend. I trust that after that, she won't do it again in her next relationship. However, it seems like it could possibly be months or even years and until the relationship is over, I doubt I can make her see the light before then. What do I do? -Hurt and Confused Give your friend the space she needs for her relationship. If you guys are really good friends, she'll come back to you.
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