LittleDove Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 Hey one for guys, and anyone really... Ive just started seeing a guy, and im concerned all he sees is sex, when I want him to commit to a relationship. How can I shift his head a bit?? a great sex life is important to both of us but there is so much more too.. I want to take the focus off sex and put it on communication..ect. without boring him or scaring him.... help.
Dumbledore Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 How can I shift his head a bit?? a great sex life is important to both of us Have you tried mints?
You'reasian Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 Ive just started seeing a guy, and im concerned all he sees is sex, when I want him to commit to a relationship.. Do more non-sex things together. Go play miniature golf and crack jokes at each other. Go to the gym together. Cook dinner together...wait, that might stir up sexual tension....jk I want to take the focus off sex and put it on communication..ect. without boring him or scaring him.... help. ma'am, I'm here to help Spend more time talking over the phone or just hanging out in places where you cannot have sex - talk, talk, talk - but sooner or later, you're gonna have to have sex
BentSpine Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 I'm not sure you can change the dynamics. If he isn't talking to you already then there is a reason for that. Attachment may grow with time and with kind actions but the enjoyment of talking to each other? I cannot recall a relationship where I started out not really enjoying talking to her to looking forward to each phone call. Time spend talking to a woman either passed quickly or it didn't.
Geishawhelk Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 Ask him, on a scale of 1 - 10 what his priorities are in a relationship. Write a list. Both do this. separately. Put the list in order of priority. Think of 10 things: Religion, career, whether to have kids, how to bring them up, family influence, sex in a relationship, whose career is more important, money, housework..... those kinds of things... then compare lists. Be honest - and when you compare the results - discuss.
Rebellious Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 Hey one for guys, and anyone really... Ive just started seeing a guy, and im concerned all he sees is sex, when I want him to commit to a relationship. How can I shift his head a bit?? a great sex life is important to both of us but there is so much more too.. I want to take the focus off sex and put it on communication..ect. without boring him or scaring him.... help. Every girl wants the answer to that question, but it's very simple really. Anyway, if he didn't find you sexually attractive you wouldn't like that either. How about mixing it up, focus on sex on one date then communication on the next date?
carhill Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 For some guys the communication comes before the sex. Those are the friendzone guys Seriously, OP, you can't "make" anything happen. All I would do is bring up topics which are important to you in a casual way and observe the response. A man who, especially after sexual relations have begun, isn't investing emotionally in you will not have substantial interest in your life. More important, pay attention to what he talks about spontaneously. Does he remember things you have talked about and ask questions about your interests, family, friends, etc. and show signs that he remembers details. If yes, this generally indicates emotional memory and that he is investing in you emotionally. Being sexually compatible doesn't mean you're compatible emotionally or as life partners. Time will reveal all truths
norajane Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 How old are you and have you two already had sex? It's very common that once you start having sex in a relationship, the relationship then focused on the sex and less on developing intimacy and getting to know each other as people and determining true compatibility. I'd suggest you make sure your dates involve DOING things together, and not just getting together as a pre-cursor to having sex that night. What kinds of things do you like to do? What does he like to do? Invite him to join you for a hike, or go to a basketball game, or build a snowman together, or go to your favorite bar to hear live bands, invite him out with your friends or have them all come over for dinner or movie night or whatever you're into. Integrate him into your life and show him who you are, and make sure he does the same, rather than just seeing each other to have sex. If he doesn't want to do any of those things, then I think you have your answer.
Trialbyfire Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 We ladies make the same mistakes. We assess by potential. This doesn't work. Why should a man do more than he has to? In enabling behaviour, we are part of the problem, instead of part of the solution. Take a good hard look at your b/f. Is he a shallow and selfish individual? If so, no matter how much potential he has, his perspective will be all about his wants and needs v. fueling a viable and healthy relationship. Don't be fooled by the cover. A book has to have substance, right now!
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