rod_in_gtown Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 You're taking your anger out on the wrong person. she is not the one who betrayed you, she's not the one you loved and is now divorcing you. She may be a twat but she's not the person you're mad about. The truth is that you're angry and mad at your husband, take it out on him and leave this dumb woman alone, she is obviously low enough to mess with a married man, karma will take care of her. It sounds to me like you're in denial and unwilling to focus your energies on the appropriate guilty party here so you rather take it out on her (your employee)
Lucky7880 Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 Vainla, I understand your hurt and anger. My husband had an affair with his secretary (how cliched) about 10 years ago. I was obsessed with wanting to spread this news but my husband persuaded me not to saying he would lose his job etc. and that would mean financial difficulties for us and basically blackmailing me to keep quiet. He continued to see her through work and it consumed me with such rage. Let the woman know what you could do to her if you wanted but then let her know you are a much better person than that- get out of this at least with some of your dignity intact. If you're husband sees you've moved on and no longer care (even if you have to become the best actress in the world) this will hurt him too. You're playing into his hands by reacting like this. Believe me I know.
sadintexas Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 I don't know what wimp is exactly, but I guess you are right. I have fired her personally, in written, I even called the husband and told him I don't want her in my property. I cannot put a restricting order against her because she needs to be arrested first. My husband is really afraid (or so he says, the whimp, chiken, good for nothing or whataver you want to call him) of loosing everything, so he won't fire her yet, and she won't quit. Have you ever thought that he is afraid to fire her because he KNOWS she has something on you/him/the family? Maybe he's afraid the TRUTH will come out if he makes her mad. You only know part of this story. How do you know she doesn't have texts, or pictures, or anything else from him? How you do you know she doesn't have emails painting you as a terrible wife, lover, mother, etc? Emails she could then distribute to your circle? This could get really ugly. The fact is, she didn't make your H participate in this. He is the only one who is truly responsible to you and your M. If it wasn't her, it could have been anyone else. Your focus is in the wrong place. What's that saying? If you wrestle with a pig, you both get dirty. The difference is, the pig likes it. I think that's how it goes. You would need to consult with a lawyer to find out the legalities. But, if you decide to do this, all you're doing is prolonging your healing from this. Think about that.
showmethemoney Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 I guessing you and your husband where her supervisors since you jointly own the business. That being said, your husband's affair has put your business in a bad way legally. The OW now has grounds to file a sexual harassment suit against our business. It doesn't matter that it was consensual. The fact that he is her supervisor allows her to use the legal tactic of 'feeling pressured' because of your husband's position. You should do nothing at this point because anything you do can and will be used against you in court.
CarrieT Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 Anyways, the only reason I want to unveil this woman is because I don't consider is morally right that she keeps working on MY bussness after having an affair with my husband. You are not one to indicate what is morally right and wrong considering what you are thinking of doing. Is THAT morally right? Take the higher ground. You will feel much better about yourself in the long run, even though you are hurting right now. Why are you so concerned what people think about this woman? How does that affect you? Doing the sort of retaliatory stunt you described will only make people thing YOU are the freak. Karma, baby. They will get theirs without you inflicting it upon them. "Do unto others..."
mark982 Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 i haven't seen anywhere, that your showing texts to her husband.lets go right to the top with this. also if your part owner of this business, and can prove it, next time she comes to work, call the cops and have her arrested for truspassing, you did keep copies of the letter you sent that says not to come on the property. that's all you need.
Author vainla Posted January 26, 2009 Author Posted January 26, 2009 My daughter social life is being affected by this whole thing. The news are spreading fast in this town, and now my doughter is not allowed to play with certain kids form her church and her piano lessons are being cancelled. The piano instructor suspected of this because they would pick my daughter toguether. She is still at my place and poeple think we are some kind of weird trio. I don;t care what other poeple would think of me. I am done. I already took care of my husband, so I am not mad at him anymore. He paid a high price for it, now it is her turn. I am not some phlegmatic-cold blooded person, I am Latin and have way too hot blood to put up with shet like this for this long.
showmethemoney Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 If you fired her then you need to enforced it period. If she shows up don't argue with her just call the police. If you haven't got a lawyer involved you need to get one now. I am sure he will tell you to say nothing other than she no longer works in your company. Believe me you are asking for a load of trouble making statements about driving her to kill herself and threatening to post dirty pictures and text messages in her neighborhood. All this tough talk means jack when your sitting in court and your words are used against you in a civil trial. Get her out of your life and focus on your marriage and family. Your wasting valuable energy on a person who basically means nothing to you.
GirlNextDoor11 Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 showmethemoney is absolutely right! you have now posted things that you can't take back...you can always delete but whats done is done. And if you do this and she did kill herself. Her family can come after you and you can actually end up in Jail..Now think of your daughter then! Where will she be without you! You need to just call the police when she shows up for work and move on! press charges for tresspassing if you have too! But I wouldn't do anything else! Honestly think of your childern, and what would happen if you ended up in jail!
sadintexas Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 Your concern is for your daughter? To prove that you're not part of a twisted trio? Interesting since you haven't really mentioned the affect on her until people on this board gave you sound advice that this is a BAD idea. You made your intent clear, and still do. You are after revenge plain and simple. If you're concerned about your daughter think about this...how are people going to treat her when they think her mother is psychotic, crazy? Because that's how it's going to look when you start this, and you have NO IDEA what OW will have up her sleeve to counteract what you've done. You want to go after your revenge, go for it. You've already said you would no matter what, so I really don't know why you've posted this in the first place. Legal ramifications or not, you're still going to do it...so? What do you want to hear from us? We (the people looking in from the outside who are not emotionally charged about this issue) think you're making a mistake, but what you do is up to you. If it were me, I would use my legal resources to find out how to legally and rationally deal with this issue instead of trying to find out if you will have to fight a libel suit. By the way, whether or not you would be found guilty of this is somewhat irrelevant in the fact that anyone can sue you and it will cost you money. Period. And the damage from the suit will affect your reputation regardless of the outcome. Good luck.
Reggie Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 It is a bitter pill to swallow, V. I don't think there is much liability re the defamation , and there certainly is no way you could be held legally responsible if she was to harm herself. About the only cause of action I could see, potentially, is some sort of intentional infliction of emotionmal distress type suit. And, it is doubtful that publishing true information could meet the tort requirements for that type of suit. But, again, as unfair as it seems, when you seek out this type of revenge, folks think you are nuts.And, you are not nuts. This woman played a role in inflicting the severest form of emotional abuse on you. Nevertheless, I don't think it is wise to do this. Right now, you can look yourself in the mirror and know that you are above all this crap. Don't waste your time or energy on this woman. Your feelings of hurt and anger are very valid. Many BSs have tremendous resentment in seeing the AP seeemingly walk away unscathed after leaving the BS and the marriage in shambles. It is one of the unfairest things around. Cool off for a couple months and you will feel differently. You are the victim of a tremendous injustice but the best thing is just to ignore this woman and live your life as best you can.
Reggie Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 showmethemoney is absolutely right! you have now posted things that you can't take back...you can always delete but whats done is done. And if you do this and she did kill herself. Her family can come after you and you can actually end up in Jail..Now think of your daughter then! Where will she be without you! You need to just call the police when she shows up for work and move on! press charges for tresspassing if you have too! But I wouldn't do anything else! Honestly think of your childern, and what would happen if you ended up in jail! I agree it is a bad idea. But, there is no way she would ever be held legally responsible for this woman harming herself, IMO.
GirlNextDoor11 Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 Actually reggie she could....if she is found guilty of defamtion of character and caused the distress that caused this woman to hurt herself. The womans family could press criminal charges against her. They could sue as well as criminal action for her responsiblity that caused the distress to the OW. Its really not a good idea! Thats our wonderful legal system hard at work!
underpants Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 give up the flier idea, she can trace it back to you and take legal steps against you ... instead, just forward her messages and photos to everyone on your husband's call list, and possibly even her church. If it's coming from his phone, she can't prove that anyone other than your husband sent it. okay, so this isn't a good Christian response, but there's also no "St. Ho" in the directory of saints! Yes, and his email. Remember to include email addys of the church and stuff in his address list before you forward. Have fun.
Reggie Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 Actually reggie she could....if she is found guilty of defamtion of character and caused the distress that caused this woman to hurt herself. The womans family could press criminal charges against her. They could sue as well as criminal action for her responsiblity that caused the distress to the OW. Its really not a good idea! Thats our wonderful legal system hard at work! I did a fair amount of criminal work in my younger days, Girl. Criminal charges would be extremely farfetched, although I do recall a recent case where someone was prosecuted for doing something malicious on Myspace or Facebook or something that led to a young girl taking her life. But, realistically, no prosecutor would charge out something like this, IMO. And, on the defamation thing, if the stuff is true, she can publish it with impunity. I do agree this is a bad idea from a very traumatized BS who is not thinking clearly yet.
Spinning Head Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 Anyone can swear out a criminal warrant - merely go to a local magistrate and tell him/her what happened and see if any of the facts fit some element of a crime. And, there are civil claims as well. V - go see an attorney. Call one who specializes in domestic law as most domestic law attorneys have knowledge of other claims that result from affairs, etc. It's pretty simple to call up an attorney and schedule a consultation. It may cost you a few hundred dollars but it is money well spent. Trespassing is fairly simple - merely fire her, tell her not to come back to the building/property (assuming she does not have a partnership interest in the business) and, if she returns, have her arrested for trespassing. Then welcome yourself to the world of criminal law and continuances and missed days from work due to the charge. You need to take some deep breaths and see an attorney. Your actions (or lack thereof) are contributing to the problems now.
rod_in_gtown Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 My daughter social life is being affected by this whole thing. The news are spreading fast in this town, and now my doughter is not allowed to play with certain kids form her church and her piano lessons are being cancelled. The piano instructor suspected of this because they would pick my daughter toguether. She is still at my place and poeple think we are some kind of weird trio. I don;t care what other poeple would think of me. I am done. I already took care of my husband, so I am not mad at him anymore. He paid a high price for it, now it is her turn. I am not some phlegmatic-cold blooded person, I am Latin and have way too hot blood to put up with shet like this for this long. I will make her kill herself, and I will not be sorry about it. You're looking for excuses and self-reasoning so that you can allow yourself to do this for yourself, not for your daughter. If you think it's bad now, just wait until people realize that this girl's mother is engaging some other woman on an all out public battle to "defend her honour". She'll be further humiliated and parents will tell their children "it's best if you stay away from the drama surrounding that girl and her parents, it seems to get worst by the week". If you now engage this employee publicly, you'll only make it worst for your daughter and you'll only be doing it for your own selfish purposes.
showmethemoney Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 My worry had to do with a possible workplace sexual harassment suit. We know two things. 1. Her husband had an affair with this women. (emotional doesn't matter) 2. Her husband is most likely in a position over this women and being part owner makes it worse. If the OW was fired because of this affair and there is no paper trail showing previous work related deficiencies then she has a good case for a sexual harassment suit. She can claim that she felt compelled to engaged in this affair to keep her job because of the husbands position in the company. Add to that the possible behavior and statements (made here) of the wife and you have a very messy situation. Is it fair NO, but like someone said it still will cost you a bundle of money (win or lose) and a lot of wasted energy that can be used to fix the marriage.
Island Girl Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 You can sue her for Alienation of Affection among others. People have done this and won. So there is a precedent that has been set. Seek out an attorney and pursue this avenue. You can make her pay you for all of the trauma she has caused. And yes - one of the cases I know of, where the spouse won, was the wife of the boss and the woman that lost worked for him. So keep all of the evidence and go for the jugular.
Reggie Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 Only a few states allow alienation of affection cases. Someone posted a list , once , and I think it isless than 10. I suppose this woman could sue her employer for sexual harrassment. But, she could do that regardless of the publication of this info. It just might make her retaliate with some type of employment law suit.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 I know of a woman who had an affair with her boss. He was a doctor and she was his office nurse. When the affair was discovered the wife insisted that she be fired. She sued for sexual harrassment and won. Don't bite your nose off to spite your face.
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