Andy himself Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 I have now been going out with my girlfriend for almost half a year now. Thing are great between us and we are both happy and in love. However, she recently told me she had been unfaithful to me after a couple days of us being together, but she had been regreting it ever since and had been wanting to tell me for so long, but was scared of loosing me and me not being able to trust her again. In the beginning of our relationship, she insisted that trust was extremly important to her because of her previous relationships and so on. That is one of the main things that I love her for because I eel exactly the same. It took a long time for me to gain her trust and let myself completly trust her. The guy she cheated on me with, was also a close friend of me at the time. It was'nt anything physical though. Phone sex, to be exact. To some that might not seem like a big deal..to me its the same thing. The thing that bothers me about all this, is that it feels almost like our relationship is build on a lie and that everything she has said, how I had to promise her to always be faithful, never lie to her, tell her if anything is wrong ect. has all been lies and hypocrisy. She was the only girl I could never even imagine cheating on me. On top of that she still talks to the guy often because the've become good friends, even though I've made it quite clear that I dont like it at all. It is'nt because I'm scared that there's anything between them though. It is obvious though, that I don't exactly approve of their friendship. I have told her that I forgive her and that I still do trust her. Mainly because after all, it happend so early in our relationship and we have grown so close together. I don't know though. Maybe I'm just blinded by my love for her I don't know how I should really feel, react or do. I don't even know the real reason I'm posting this..for advice maybe. Support in some way. Someone telling me its all going to work out. I have made up my mind about forgiving her though and let the past be past and act as if nothing ever happened without the fear of feeling ignorant. I really do love her though and I know she loves me. Neither of us would ever want to loose each other either. Hope someone might respond to this. Even though it turn out to be allot of wrighting ( spelling mistakes to most likely)=P. So thanks for reading. Even if you don't intend to reply. It actually felt good to wright this. Gave me some time to think about stuff.
Stockalone Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 Understand that I am biased. I would not forgive cheating. However, if you see a chance of rebuilding your relationship and want to try to regain that trust, then that is the right thing for you to do. On top of that she still talks to the guy often because the've become good friends, even though I've made it quite clear that I dont like it at all. It is'nt because I'm scared that there's anything between them though. It is obvious though, that I don't exactly approve of their friendship. Every time she talked to him, every time she hung out with him, it was a constant reminder of what she did and it also meant keeping their secret from you every single time. Why and how could she do that, if she felt remorse for what she did? I would think that she would be disgusted with herself and would want nothing to do with that guy. But no, she even became closer with this guy. That doesn't add up. I mean really, if she is afraid of losing you and she knows you are not comfortable with their friendship, she should think of ending their friendship ASAP. Who in his right mind would be okay with that situation? It's one thing to forgive her, but to know that she still wants to be friends with that guy? Come on. She says "I am so sorry" and everything stays the same? You forgive her and that is it? I am sure that is what is best for her, but it really doesn't sound like she has even tried to make it easier for you. And what is best for you? You don't approve of their friendship, and you have a perfectly good reason. Why does she still want to remain friends with him? Has she told you why? If not, haven't you asked her? If she can come up with a reason that you think is a valid one, by all means, let her be friends with that guy. If she can't convince you, I think you should insist that she cuts that guy out of her life and thus out of your relationship. She wants your old relationship back, and that might come at a price. This is not about punishing her, but you need to become comfortable (as much as that is possible) again. Do you think you can do that as long as the other guy is a close friend of hers?
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