hillclimber Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 Never thought it would happen but it did. My wife is living at her moms for now and we are sharing custody of our child. There is no right way to explain so here goes... My wife has been an alcoholic for several years, we tried a family intervention - seemed to work but she chose to never go to AA or seek counseling. Well you know the rest, she kept on drinking - a lot. She did her best to hide it but it was mostly late at night and the bottles piled up. She even saw a doctor for it so she is a documented alcoholic. She is also a diabetic and does not treat herself. A few months ago she made some new work friends and began talking outside to them and very late at night, like 2 or 3 AM. If I got up to use the restroom she would just say "I've got to go bye" and just hang up. That was odd to me and it went on for some time. She lost interest in myself and our child. I was doing all the dishes, cleaning, homework with the kid etc. which was OK by me. We still had frequent sex but past that almost no communication or time together. She has been full of mood swings, citing this and that as a reason. More and more signs kept pointing to her having an affair. Then one night I brought home dinner. As soon as we sat down she gave me a dirty look and said she needed to go to CSV for some throat lozenges. Well you could walk there in 10 minutes and an hour later concerned I tried to call her twice, no answer. Finally she returned as was in a great mood. Said she was speaking to an old man about his wife, OK. We began watching a movie later on in the evening and as usual she was out like a light. Something in my gut was eating at me. I heard a phone ring reached in her purse only to find that she had a second cell phone. I had never seen it before. And there were lots of text messages to one guy, many of them sexual. In fact one was from just that evening after she left. She got up and saw me with the phone and got very upset and told me she did not love me and had no feelings for me and that this guy was "just a friend" and that she was attracted to him and that I could never understand. OK. She left the house and went to her moms. I am in possession of the phone. She claims there is no affair. Hard for me to believe it. I'm not blind or dumb. Too many lies and contradictions, she constantly changes her stories. We've been playing nice and I really want to make a nice easy divorce. I know for a fact I am the better parent, she knows this too. I called an attorney and found out a divorce in AZ is what you both agree for it to be, the only time a trial comes into play is when one party contests something. Our house was in our family before we were married and now is in a trust for our child we both control. She claims to hate the house, many times so she has reason to seek it. Anyway that was my week in review. In my perfect world our family would always be together but her drinking has taken her toll on the family a long time, I'm crushed in one way and relieved in another. Mostly I'm worried about our child. I've actually begun to feel good since she has left, I've very optimistic by nature and its nice to not have to pretend I don't know she is still drinking. I miss the family being together. We were married over 10 years. Any thoughts?
Geishawhelk Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 Just be prepared for the 'nice easy divorce' being a lot harder than you bargained for. If she's alcoholic she will be functioning solely on alcohol-fuelled righteous indignation and emotion. Expect ructions and fireworks.... Your priority is your child. Have a really good discussion with someone who can advise you, but I would push for sole custody with visitation rights, insistence that (from your daughter's PoV and for her welfare) she get treatment for her alcoholism and that everything be done to your mutual benefit. Don't give way to her for the easy life. That's not the way it should be. If you give way or not fight, for the sake of having peace, it will - I assure you - backfire. Good luck, stay strong, be resolute. At this time, the welfare and well-being of your child is of paramount importance. Your wife, in her state of mind will do things ostensibly for the good of your daughter, but she will in fact be seeking to make life cushy for herself. learn to distinguish the two.
Author hillclimber Posted January 26, 2009 Author Posted January 26, 2009 Thank you Geishawhelk I am inclined to agree with you.
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