eDave Posted January 24, 2009 Posted January 24, 2009 I spent the last 4 days, post "I need some time on my own", in a deep depression including crying, not showering, shaving, cleaning or even working (and I just started a new job... not good). I have spent the time praying, remorsing, self talking, drinking, sleeping, angry, cursing her while rehearsing what I would say if she contacted me. I haven't eaten or been in contact with much of anyone. I have desperately wanted her back. I have desperately wanted her to stay away. This cycle pretty much sums up our relationship from the start. When I am in I want out. When I am out I want in. Total commitment-phobe but just for her. I would love to have been 100% in but not with the jealousy, mistrust, possession, belittling, insane accusations, etc she exhibited. But for some reason, when out of it, I missed it. Self torture. Then today for some reason the energy came back! I cleaned my house, did all of my laundry, showered, shaved, had a nice meal and haven't drank a drop. Even found the motivation to toss the cigarettes for gum. All the while not thinking that much of her other than the bad stuff and the hope that she does not contact me. Feels good. But it is Saturday night and my thoughts will soon go back to wondering where she is, who with and envisioning her 'date' kissing her good night, or worse.... But I will get through it. She wanted time? Well regardless of how I feel about her, time is the best gift I can give her right now. I am hopeful she is dating the sooner the better. She will mess it up. No relationship has and she will repeat her actions and show her colors again and again. I am not about to tell her what she did wrong. I am not about to help her in any way. One day, she will contact me and I will be a position to tell her to go and F herself. It's a good day.
GloryDays Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 That's great Dave! I am so happy for you! Funny, same thing happened to me today LOL! I have been so upset the past few days...couldn't eat and when I did it would come out the other end lol (stress and anxiety!), majorly depressed, etc. Then today, something hit me. I looked back on his pics and I thought...he's not as attractive as I thought! Then I started thinking about his patterns and how he treated me...and I am now telling myself...GOOD LUCK to the next girl muhahahahaha. It feels great doesn't it? They are dysfunctional and not worthy of the love we gave them. Stay strong and I promise you many of us in this situation will be able to look back and laugh at are ex's and also ourselves for putting these people up on pedestals!
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