eDave Posted January 24, 2009 Posted January 24, 2009 Hello all. My apologies for the length but it is tough to give a background story without getting wordy, especially when there is so much. But if asked I can provide more details about things. Well I am right here with you guys. Have been reading a lot and doing the hurting phase. Been NC for about 4 days. Short background: Up and down 3 year relationship. Lots of arguing, jealousy, control, possessiveness, no trust in me or my feelings and many many unfounded accusations of cheating. All of this comes from her, though I certainly got pulled into that. We had a lot of fun as well though and I have learned a lot. I recently went by where she was having a massage done, that I bought her, to pay for her tip while she was there. Well guess what? She wasn't there. I confronted, she denied and said I must not have seen her car, didn't know WHO I spoke to but she was there. Then said I obviously don't trust her, am checking up on her and so on. So she said she was DONE and dumped me. I did the usual and said I was sorry for doubting her the next day. She then texted me the next day and thought we could meet for a drink and talk. However, I was cooking and did not get the message until later. But by that time she had already texted again and again and accusing me of being with someone else. I didn't answer her because I am SICK of those accusations. I finally texted her back but too late. Nothing I said or explained was going to convince her I was not with anyone. She said so. She clearly has insecurities and issues with this. She said she thinks we should see other people, then retracted it to say she needed some time by herself. She thought I should do the same and clear my head to see "what is meant to be". She meant that we are not meant to be. Yes, all of this was through text and email. No face-to-face breakup. So I went NC but last night I had a few beers, walked the neighborhood talking to myself, God and her (in my mind). But I drank too much and ended up driving by her house on Friday night. She was not there. I went a bit nuts and stupidly drove around a bit then went by again and she was home at around 11:00 PM. I then texted her asking if we could talk about this and that I love her and really miss her (which I did). I hesitated in sending it as I wanted to prove to myself I could be NC. But I also, at the time, wanted to assure her how I feel. I felt our last email might not have conveyed it. So I sent the text. Here is the gist of this: Once I did it I got this panic in me of 'what if she does call? What if she does want to talk about it?' I realized then that I don't want her back at all. I am just wounded and want what is not there for me anymore. And thank goodness already. And thank goodness she hasn't replied though I am still nervous about it. She is all the things I said above and more and will continue to be. I put up with a lot because of co-dependency. I know she is already seeing someone. She pretty much made that clear without outright telling me so. So I am sure, and hope, her true colors come through soon and she will fail. FYI: She was engaged 6 times prior to me. Now she has been engaged 7 times.... She lives at home with her parents and she is 42, wants to be treated as a Princess, taken to the best restaurants, hotels when traveling, etc., ALL on my tab. Hell she didn't even work for almost a year and I supported everything for her. I was a typical 'nice guy' and bought her expensive gifts (16K engagement ring, Macbook, professional digital camera, jewelry, clothing...). I got into some financial trouble trying to keep her happy, and I do pretty good financially. She even went so far early on to say that my son should come second to her. Not only that, she suggested his stepfather adopt him so I wouldn't have to pay child support. Said "why should I suffer because you have to pay support". That was our first big breakup though she later claimed she didn't know what she said really meant. Whatever. However, I did proceed to put him second. None of this mattered as she never believed I loved her like I said I did and showed... That is sad. What a catch huh? I mean really.... Every relationship she has had has failed for whatever reason. What makes her think one will? She is not, at her age, exactly fishing out of the cleanest pond now. Lot's of damaged, repugnant men out there. I put up with A LOT. I accepted it as the way it just was.... Stupid, stupid me. So in the end, I this was a great thing for me to have broken NC and makes is sooooo much easier to continue. Also, big lesson for everyone: Do not drink while going through this. It only depresses you more and makes you do stupid things. Thanks for reading all the way through.
smookie Posted January 24, 2009 Posted January 24, 2009 Way to go, i am SO happy for you!!!! Yes it does work sometimes hey! Smookie
Author eDave Posted January 24, 2009 Author Posted January 24, 2009 Thanks Smookie. I know I may feel differently later and don't know what to do if she contacts me. I have always been one to give it one more shot. Things will be different. I know, the definition of insanity. But on a positive note, if she doesn't then I really will know, and that is a good thing. I do have an advantage of having so many negatives to reflect on, as well as some pride still. It was shameful the crap I did and put up with. My disadvantage is not being able to talk to anyone about it as it is so shameful. My friends and family (who were put out of the picture for her) told me long ago they don't want to hear about it anymore and advised to dump HER. Not that they are not friends, they just get sick thinking of her and her actions. And mine. In a situation like this, who really has the issue? Both. So, soon I will seek some counseling. Not to get over her but to uncover what is/was wrong with me.
smookie Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 You also will need the help to get over her. I mean when we change so much for one personit is not like we lose all feelings. It is a hard thing to go through all the emotions and the thoughts of why did I do this for her?You do love and care for her however your starting the thoughts of "it's a unhealthy loveI have for her". I know through my own experience, I gave up my friends and freedom. I lost alot of friends because they do not like him. I am also knowing how unhealthy this relationship is for myself. Good Luck with this all.
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