shockandawed Posted January 24, 2009 Posted January 24, 2009 I have got a situation that is bothering me greatly. Unfortunately, I can't determine if it is legitimate or if I am just being childish. I am 44, and have been in a relationship for about 5-6 months. This is the first real relationship I have been in since my breakup with my ex-fiance about 2 years ago. We are exclusive, and have a lot of chemistry and fun together. We live about 100 miles apart, but this really hasn't been a problem as we see each other at least weekly. I have become involved with her teens as she has with mine. In a nutshell, it's a pretty committed relationship, or so we say. We both have a myspace account. Yes, there is where I get to feel childish. Mine is pretty much black and white. A few co-workers and friends, kid pics and pics of my girlfriend and myself. Hers is very complex, a ton of pics, of herself and kids only. She has told me several times since we met that her myspace is a true reflection of herself and where she is at in life at that particular moment. She has numerous single guys on there. She also has several ex-boyfriends and her ex-husband. They get along but they aren't that tight. A few months back, she posted a couple of pics of us on there. They disappeared a few days later. She at first denied any knowledge and added that one of her friends (a ex bf) also disappeared from her friend page. Well he was added back but she later admitted the pics were removed because she didn't want to offend anyone. Since we met, she has always only shown three top friends, which were her three kids. I have no problem with this. I also don't care if she states she is in a relationship of bombards my page with comments or whatever. A few weeks back, while sleeping on her couch, I found a love letter in a pillow from an ex-bf. She told me about this guy and he is a real slime. Apparently they dated about a year ago, he was an addict, stole money from her, got her car taken by people he owed money too, she eventually got it back, and eventually fled the area to avoid jail or getting killed. Of course, he is still on her page as a friend as well. The letter was dated around Christmas. She claimed she just got it and was going to work on a response. Anyhow, a couple of weeks ago, she expanded her top friends list. There was a couple of co workers and old friends and a couple of guys, one being her 19 year old sons old cub scout leader. I don't have a real problem with this other than shouldn't the person you are in a committed relationship rank somewhere up there? I asked her about this. She kind of him hawed around, saying she could understand why I was upset, but of course, nothing has changed on there. Yes, I feel childish. But I feel as though she is afraid of letting all of these ex-bfs know that she is in a relationship. I don't know why, but that is what I am sensing. I am not typically a jealous person, and can even accept her still being friends with ex-es, but I feel as though she doesn't expect them to have to accept me as a boyfriend.
Ronni_W Posted January 24, 2009 Posted January 24, 2009 she later admitted the pics were removed because she didn't want to offend anyone. She doesn't want to offend anyone ELSE, and doesn't mind offending YOU...is how I'd interpret that. At best, she is being thoughtless and inconsiderate of how her words and actions may impact you, IMO. It might feel "childish" only cos it's this new-fangled MySpace thang that all the kids are using, these days. <LOL> But, IMO, there are underlying, not terribly affirming messages for you, in how she's using her page. How I'd counsel a friend who is around 40 (actually, over 25) who says that MySpace is where she feels most comfortable expressing her True Self: "For God's sake, Lady, develop a more age-appropriate outlook and life!" Not that she's necessarily playing you, but she may have an under-developed sense and appreciation of what adult, romantic relationships are all about.
BubblyPopcorn Posted January 24, 2009 Posted January 24, 2009 Huge red flags to me, would be: -she has a love letter in a pillow from an ex-bf, both of which are recent -she has several ex-boyfriends and her ex-husband as friends -she is going back and forth between deleting/re-adding ex's -she has no pictures of the two of you -she is still listed as single Maintaining contact with past love interests, making a valiant effort to, still continuing to even AFTER you've had a discussion with her about it, and not making any reference publicly about the two of you after 5-6 months? She has told you several times that her myspace is a true reflection of herself and where she is at in life at that particular moment, well it's pretty evident that's true, based on what you've told us. And what confirms it, are her actions. The two generally need to go hand in hand (words/actions).
Trialbyfire Posted January 24, 2009 Posted January 24, 2009 People who hide relationships have reasons for doing so, that aren't usually altruistic.
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