FrustratedEnergy Posted January 24, 2009 Posted January 24, 2009 My ex and I broke up in November. I was pretty torn up over it, but looking back I really wasn't happy with him day to day. Shortly after the breakup, a previous ex to the ex who had just broke up with me came back into the picture. I went to a party with him and re-connected with an old friend of his who I was good friends with when we were dating (years ago) I've been spending time with this guy. He's a nice, honest, sincere guy. All I was looking for from him was a friendship because spending time with him is great. Well, one of the first times (since the party) that I hung out with him he tried to kiss me. I was opposed because: 1) I still think about my ex who just ended a relationship with me two months ago 2) That's not my style 3) I don't want to lose him as a friend because we all know bringing things to that levels potentially ruins situations. So, fast forward a few weeks to last night, we hung out again. Had another great night together. I can just tell he's into me which is strange because I don't even remember what chasing after someone is like since I was in a relation ship for so long. Well, we leave the bar, and goodness I don't know how it happened, but we're viciously making out on a street somewhere pulled over in his car. It was nice, I'll admit. Then we end up in bed together. It's not that I didn't want to be intimate with him, but I just couldn't be. I sustained all I could and then I had to stop because all I did was think about my ex. It was terrible thinking about him. He's gone, and that's fine, but I really wish he wouldn't control awesome moments like I was trying to have! I told him I don't do one night stands and I'm not going to be "that girl" He said he knows and he doesn't want me to be either. He's the type of guy who doesn't date, he's more of a ladies man. He's very good looking, handsome guy. When we go out, he'll look around and ask my opinion on ladies he sees, and I have regular friend responses. It's totally fine. But it always ends up back to me. I guess I'm confused, frustrated because I love this guy as a friend, and if he wants to maybe bring this to another level, that's something that be discussed in time, but I'm not ready now and I don't think he's ready to admit it. Never mind the fact that years ago I dated his best friend for quite some time and we were very close in that relationship. Who knows how he would take this information. I know he has asked whether we have been intimate. So, at some obscene early time this morning I left his house because I was so frustrated with feeling back about being intimate. He was asleep when I left and I didn't wake him. I called him this morning, and he was relieved. He said he felt like he was never going to talk to me again and was so happy I called. He was upset when he woke up and saw I was gone. I didn't leave because I didn't like what happened, I left because I'm so mad at myself for not just being able to pick up the pieces and move on. I'm supposed to be out having fun / living my life! I'm finding certain aspects of that really hard to do! Help?
Geishawhelk Posted January 24, 2009 Posted January 24, 2009 ...... It was terrible thinking about him. He's gone, and that's fine, but I really wish he wouldn't control awesome moments like I was trying to have! .........I left because I'm so mad at myself for not just being able to pick up the pieces and move on. I'm supposed to be out having fun / living my life! I'm finding certain aspects of that really hard to do! Help? Well, a couple of things.... First of all, your ex-has nothing to do with this. That is to say, your ex doesn't control anything. You do. If you are permitting memories of your ex- to cramp your style - that's on you, not him. You are doing this to yourself, 100%. If you don't let go - nobody else will do it for you.... That's down to you. Why are you self-sabotaging, exactly?
Author FrustratedEnergy Posted January 24, 2009 Author Posted January 24, 2009 Well, a couple of things.... First of all, your ex-has nothing to do with this. That is to say, your ex doesn't control anything. You do. If you are permitting memories of your ex- to cramp your style - that's on you, not him. You are doing this to yourself, 100%. If you don't let go - nobody else will do it for you.... That's down to you. Why are you self-sabotaging, exactly? I don't know why I'm doing this. I'm the type who's always in a relationship and looking back they typically don't work out and I think I'm afraid of ruining a great friendship. It this ridiculous: I feel terrible about last night, I'm going back over to his house this afternoon. I want to walk in, and give it another go. I kind of feel like I need to do this for me (to break away from everything that's lingering in my mind) and for him. Bottom line: I'm scared. I don't want to keep losing.
Geishawhelk Posted January 24, 2009 Posted January 24, 2009 God golly, why are people so fastidious about F**king - ?!? Just let it go! Unless you're saving yourself for the One Great Love and you feel it's a necessary part of your psyche - just throw caution to the wind and go for the good time! Blast the cobwebs away and just throw yourself in!! No ties, no strings, no commitment - just go and have a ball!! Why, oh why, do we make it so hard on ourselves - ?!
Author FrustratedEnergy Posted January 24, 2009 Author Posted January 24, 2009 Funny. There is no such thing as "one great love" We could love so many people in this world if we wanted.
Joyvke Posted January 24, 2009 Posted January 24, 2009 God golly, why are people so fastidious about F**king - ?!? Just let it go! Unless you're saving yourself for the One Great Love and you feel it's a necessary part of your psyche - just throw caution to the wind and go for the good time! Blast the cobwebs away and just throw yourself in!! No ties, no strings, no commitment - just go and have a ball!! Why, oh why, do we make it so hard on ourselves - ?! I think I'm pretty traditional regarding sex. I think Frustrated is as well. Giving yourself in a relation, but not in a one night stand, thinking it's "wrong". Though its not really wrong, I do see it as wrong and I'm afraid I feel horrible if I'd do it, even though I'd really want to. I think I'm not too far off if I think that's the case for her too.
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