KunFuZed Posted January 24, 2009 Posted January 24, 2009 I met this amazing man on the first day of the year, who fell in love with me at first site although it was not beautiful. I was drunk and trowing up every where and he stayed with me and took care of me and we started dating 2 weeks later. So far he has been doing a great job of convincing me that he is a wonderful man and I am truly falling for him. He has a child and I don't usualy date men with kids. I don't like coming second to anyone and I don't like baby momma drama. I'm want to give it a try and he assures me that I won't deal with baby momma drama. Would I be setteling if I stayed or should I give it a try and see how it works out. Jus a lil advice on what you would do if you were in my shoes.
Geishawhelk Posted January 24, 2009 Posted January 24, 2009 "All I want is for one guy to prove to me that they're not all the same...... DON'T WORRY... I'LL WAIT. " Wait.
Author KunFuZed Posted January 24, 2009 Author Posted January 24, 2009 To be honest, so far he is not the same as other guys. He goes above and beyond than 98% of the other men I've dated in the past. And I've been waiting for a good man to come arround for 3 years. And I believe I've found one that's not the same. Its just that 1 flaw that I'm trippin on.
Geishawhelk Posted January 24, 2009 Posted January 24, 2009 To be honest, so far he is not the same as other guys. He goes above and beyond than 98% of the other men I've dated in the past. And I've been waiting for a good man to come arround for 3 years. And I believe I've found one that's not the same. Its just that 1 flaw that I'm trippin on. Read your own post again, dispassionately. Consider how ridiculous that sounds. he's 98% way beyond any other guy..... he's not the same.... And it's just one tiny minor flaw? Either you want perfection (forget it) or this is a whole bigger deal than just the (remaining) 0.02%...... If he's told you it wouldn't come to the "Baby Momma Drama" - why not believe him, and take it easy?
LittleDove Posted January 24, 2009 Posted January 24, 2009 Hes trying too hard. Get the 6 ft pole out and push the guy away. You dont want a guy with a kid, comprimise, from day 1 and hes 98% perfect???? NOPE I would bet hes trying to win you over, hes showing you his bEST colours. Yes you would be settleing, so DONT. I have a gut feeling hes got other issues besides a kid. RUN. No one is 98% perfect. (not even the guy im falling for and hes got no kids!!!)
Ronni_W Posted January 24, 2009 Posted January 24, 2009 Its just that 1 flaw that I'm trippin on. Since, in your perception, being a parent is a "flaw", then obviously this is not the guy for you...no matter how great is his other 98%. He is a parent 100%, and is gonna be that until he or the kid dies. And if the kid dies first, you are gonna have to support this guy through all his "flawed" parental grief. Or even if the kid just gets the flu or breaks a leg or something, you are gonna have to deal with this guy being all concerned about someone other than you which, you have said, you don't like coming second to anyone. And the kid's mom is gonna be around until SHE dies. If there is no drama, that means they are actually getting along ...like good co-parents should! That can't bode well for you. Lots of misery and suffering can be the only consequences. Definitely settling, is my vote, if you take a chance on this guy...flawed, as he is and with all that potential insecurity and jealousy just on the horizon.
Author KunFuZed Posted January 24, 2009 Author Posted January 24, 2009 The 98% represents the men in the past. I wasn't refering to how much better he is than they were. I'm sayin he is different than a majority of the men I've dated in the past and that's why I believe he's not the same. My car broke down and this man lives about 35 mins away and he takes that drive everyday to pick me up and take me to work, which is about 30 mins away from me and I have to be there at 8am. I've dated guys who live 5 mins away and refused to take me to a job a had that was 7 mins away from me. My new boyfriend takes care of me. Cooks, cleans and he don't live here with me. He does thing past men that I've dated don't do and wouldn't do. And his 1 flaw... the way I see it is, I'm 24.... finding a man with out a child in this day and age is almost impossible. Especially one that's gon treat me well. I found some one that I think would be a good fit for me its just that I don't know if I want to settle with something that I've been looking for that has 1 thing that I am not looking for when it comes to being in a relationship.
anne1707 Posted January 24, 2009 Posted January 24, 2009 But that one thing is a child and if he is a decent man then he will put that child first more often than not. Are you prepared to accept that?
Scottdmw Posted January 24, 2009 Posted January 24, 2009 If a guy is really great except for having a child, I don't think it's necessarily settling. But it's a question you have to answer for yourself, whether you can deal with the reality.
BobSacamento Posted January 24, 2009 Posted January 24, 2009 It's called dating. You don't need to go exclusive within 2 weeks.
amymarieca Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 And his 1 flaw... the way I see it is, I'm 24.... finding a man with out a child in this day and age is almost impossible. . Are you serious? I know TONS of men who are even older than that and don't have kids. You are only 24. You can find someone with a lot less baggage.
EYECANDY000 Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 wow, his only disadvantage is that he has a child? The next person who you meet will probaly have no kids, but has jealousy, and controlling issues. give him a chance!
reservoirdog1 Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 Somebody wiser than me once said, "the pursuit of excellence is healthy. The pursuit of perfection is neurotic." I think it applies to this situation too. You've found a guy who's perfect in every way -- except that he has a kid. I agree with somebody who posted above -- if you let this guy get away, there's absolutely no guarantee that the next guy will be better. In fact, since this guy is 98% perfect, I'd say the chance of finding somebody better are somewhere between "slim" and "none". Okay, so there's a chance there could one day be drama between him and the kid's mother. Just like there's a chance there could be drama of any kind between you and any other guy. A friend of mine told me a few years ago that we shouldn't settle for women who are less than exactly what we want. Sounds good in theory. Except that he's been searching for over five years and still hasn't found that woman. It's very simplistic to say that you shouldn't compromise on what you want. But the reality is, you're going to have to compromise on some things with anybody you enter a relationship with. That's because the other person is a human being, not a robot. So, if this guy is fantastic in every other way... give it a chance. Why end it prematurely and regret it later?
d0ll Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 The only person that can answer your question is you. BUT he's probably different from other guys because he's a parent .. he saw you throwing up & his fatherly instincts were to take care of you .. is he alot older than you?
carhill Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 OP, some questions: How long have you been dating? I ask because you apparently were dating a different person in December. How old is his child? Himself? Is the child's mother still active in the child's life? In general, what do you want for yourself? Can you imagine in five years being married and having a child? Does that sound like a positive to you right now? I'd need to know a few more details before forming a specific opinion.... Generically, a divorced/single parent putting their child first is commonplace and generally healthy. It's part of the dynamic of our modern age. If you were to marry a childless man, your marriage would be the center of the family and your children would be the fruits of that union. When people divorce, or have children with a partner and then separate, that union is broken and the child moves into a position of primary importance for most. If done, that won't change. I dated a lot of women who had children and had no issues with it. I love kids. However, I invested myself slowly. They had to earn my generosity and love. That's why I'm interested in how long you've been dating. My initial instinct is the guy is moving a bit too fast and might be looking for a "mommy". I don't think you're settling, if this is a man you come to respect and love. However, truly, only you know the correct answer for yourself. Best wishes
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