Surfer Dude Posted January 24, 2009 Posted January 24, 2009 Yeah, if somebody called my girlfriend "slut" just because she slept with me within 5 dates they would have trouble getting home. Exactly. Calling someone a slut is a clear sign of sexual frustration. People who don't like women who have sex for pure pleasure, tend to have a fear of comparison.
Trialbyfire Posted January 24, 2009 Posted January 24, 2009 I think this guy should bail while he can and get a girl who loves having fun, and our OP should get a traditional boyfriend who is going to respect her wishes. Because obviously, these two aren't getting along like this. Some serious judgements happening here from posters who denigrate judgementalism... Time for some education about women, grasshopper. Some women can compartmentalize sex, others can't. It has nothing to do with traditionalism or being "fun" individuals. You'll find as many traditional women who can hop into bed with a man first date and fun women who wait it out, reliant on the signals the guy gives. People also look for different things, during different parts of their lives.
Surfer Dude Posted January 24, 2009 Posted January 24, 2009 Some serious judgements happening here from posters who denigrate judgementalism... Time for some education about women, grasshopper. Some women can compartmentalize sex, others can't. It has nothing to do with traditionalism or being "fun" individuals. You'll find as many traditional women who can hop into bed with a man first date and fun women who wait it out, reliant on the signals the guy gives. People also look for different things, during different parts of their lives. If they're happy having arguments about this every day, being miserable, then they should proceed with their old ways. Who cares really, but when you post on a message board, you don't always hear what you want to hear. Do you advocate that these people continue on their ways of misery? Are you saying my advice about finding other partners is invalid? The dude is upset on daily basis cause he isn't getting any, and OP is going to explode like a pressure cooker if things don't change. Oh and, no need to be a wiseass and throw ad hominem insults
Tomcat33 Posted January 24, 2009 Posted January 24, 2009 To him, it's just a natural progression when 2 people are together. He said that it's tormenting him and he gets disappointed everytime when I refused to go to his place. He said that he has to try and think of me as a platonic friend instead of a girlfriend in order to not have these thoughts in his head. Anyway, he gets quite upset everytime and it makes me quite angry too. Maybe I don't understand why he has to get so upset about it since I think I make quite a bit of sense with my stand too. Everytime we meet or talk on the phone, this subject would be brought up then both of us get upset. Natural progression in a relationship involves 2 people not one pushing for something and the other giving in out of fear. That is not a natural progression. Two weeks is a ridiculous short amount of time to be pushing you like this and even more so to be saying he sees himself marrying you. That's just NUTS. You have only known this guy for 2 weeks or have known him a long time and have started dating him in the last two weeks? That would change things considerably, but only then would they change. Also, he is calling you his girlfriend already? Look I don't know what exactly is making him frustrated and not to pry on your personal life with him but perhaps you guys fool around too much and you leave him frustrated physically speaking? I dunno, unless that's the case his frustration is his own problem, he is not a dog in heat is he? He sounds like the type of guy who will completely lose interest the minute you sleep with him and then you will be posting, we had sex and now he disappeared and won't return my calls. He is pushing way too hard and if that is the case you can tell he ONLY has one thing and one thing only on his mind. If you really like him be careful. These are not good signs even if you wait to have sex with him for another month it sounds like he doesn't respect you. Don't give in if it doesn't feel right, you are no prude stick to your guns and stick to what feels right to you and never be pressured into giving of yourself sexually in the early stages of dating if it doens't feel right you will regret it if you do.
mr.dream merchant Posted January 24, 2009 Posted January 24, 2009 To be honest, while I agree calling a female a "slut" or a "hoe" for having sex is unjust, it can be justified if the girl is really sleezy. I mean if she's just all hands on deck for any piece of man that comes her way then I mean there's gotta be a derogatory term for that and nobody should be in the wrong for thinking less of that person if they feel so. Honestly would you even thinkin of dating a guy/girl who's known for just putting themselves out like that? I'm talkin partner after partner after partner......and so on? It makes you second even quadruple guess if they're even worth your time, trust, and love. Its one thing to enjoy sex but there's extremes to everything and I think the terms "slut" "hoe" "manwhore" "player" fairly describe that person who goes to the extreme.
Oliveman Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 I think your "boyfriend" (haha sorry have trouble referring to a guy you've dated for a couple weeks and are still in the feeling out stages with as a legitimate boyfriend) needs to learn that women act based on emotions not logic. You can't argue in a logical way to get a girl who's not sure if she's ready or not to have sex with you. He seems like an idiot and he has some serious issues. "This has been the best two weeks of my life! Let me start planning our future together now!" Just get rid of him. And to everyone calling girls easy for sleeping with people fast...this and any girl would have sex within the first couple dates. They just haven't met the right guy yet.
Surfer Dude Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 I think your "boyfriend" (haha sorry have trouble referring to a guy you've dated for a couple weeks and are still in the feeling out stages with as a legitimate boyfriend This is the first thing that struck me as odd here, how can someone be your boyfriend if you never really had intimacy with that person. needs to learn that women act based on emotions not logic. You can't argue in a logical way to get a girl who's not sure if she's ready or not to have sex with you. He seems like an idiot and he has some serious issues. Agreed. But some chumps actually think they can logic their way into a woman's pants. "I paid for x dinners and b drinks, ax+b^2=y, now you should sleep with me". "This has been the best two weeks of my life! Let me start planning our future together now!" Just get rid of him.Maybe this is an overall part of his game, although that would be a pretty weird game (some women fall for that stuff). He probably has no idea what he's doing. And to everyone calling girls easy for sleeping with people fast...this and any girl would have sex within the first couple dates. They just haven't met the right guy yet.Spot on. It's possible to seal the deal with most girls within the first couple of dates, if you know what you're doing. Women often say preprogrammed and "socially acceptable" stuff like "I'd never do that, because I'm not that kind of girl", but when a high value guy shows up and sexes them properly, they say "it just happened, he's the right one".
JerseyShortie Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 OP, if you are not ready to have sex with your boyfriend yet, you are not ready and that's fine. If he really cares about you, he will not pressure you into a situation that you are not ready to get into yet. It would be like you pressuring him into a commitment he is not ready to give yet either. I think some of the men and women in this thread are being undually fair towards you. Sometimes, we women need some time to know that the guy is into it it for more then sex. Sometimes I get the impression that men today expect that cart to come before the horse. We somehow expect to have sexual relationships with people before we even established any foundation. I think you need to sit your boyfriend down and talk to him. Both of you expressing where you are coming from. Remind him that he probably wouldn't like to feel pressured into doing something he wasn't ready for either and that he needs to be okay with that, or find another girl. To the ladies that say that a girl is a slut for sleeping with a guy fast, you aren't doing yourselves or our gender any favors. Women like sex and if they want to sleep with a guy, they should be able to without labels. To the guy that said that women aren't logical..actually, we are more logical then you give us credit for. On a biological level, it behoves a woman to wait to have sex so that she isn't left with a bastard child to take care of on her own while thet man skips off becasue he wasn't that serious to begin with. I think if more men tried to understand that and put in the commitment to the lady before trying to get the sex, they wouldn't feel like they had to "convince" a woman to put out. Just remember guys, you don't want to be pressured into commitments and relationsihps and marriage and we don't want to be pressured into sex.
MN randomguy Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 What do I want.. in general.. referring to a relationship, a man, or life? I want to be together with someone that I love and is serious and get married in a few years' time. Frankly speaking, I feel that most guys that I meet nowadays, and who are in their 20s, seem to be wanting sex above all other things and it puts me off. It will come into the picture, but within a short span of time or when we hardly know much about each other or how serious? I don't think so. Why would you wave a red flag? OK, so I think everyone else has ironed out that he doesn't know that he's going to marry you after 2 weeks. If wanting sex above all else "puts you off" how come this guy doesn't put you off. The disclaimer, If your actions say SEX, SEX, SEX and your words say no. He's not going to believe your words. Are you having serious make-out/groping sessions every time you see him? Don't blackmail him with sex to get what you want, but then give it to him. If they're happy having arguments about this every day, being miserable, then they should proceed with their old ways. Gotta agree, you can't change other people. Only yourself. If he doesn't respect your boundaries and doesn't fit into what you're looking for, you've got to give-up on what you're looking for or look for it somewhere else. And, as was displayed on this thread. If you sleep with him because you don't want to break-up some people will call you a slut. If you don't other people will call you judgmental and a prude. Its like the song says, "you see you can't please everyone, so ya.. gotta please yourself"
Author winnieloveshunny Posted January 26, 2009 Author Posted January 26, 2009 Well I don't think that I have physically frustrated him to cause him to suggest such things since we have only held hands and kissed when he sent him home. But the thing is, he does seem to be quite frustrated although we only had a simple kiss and hug. And so he claims that I am torturing him or something when I declined to go to his house. Then he said things like, he wonders if I like him. He does look quite hurt. (Not sure how accurate my judgement is.) I will stand firm to my decision to not have sex until I feel right to do so. According to him, he will respect my decision and it is not so important to him. However, although he said that, he does suggest that I go to his house after that, you see. Hence we ended up arguing over it. I am still going out with him because excluding this sex issue, I think we are still doing pretty well in all other aspects and he pretty much cares for me. He has also told his mum about me and I have spoken to her on the phone (He is not from my country & has been working & studying here for many years. Apparently, he was planning to return to his hometown soon, but had told his mum that he will remain here for 3 years to wait for me since I am unable to relocate yet.). So I wonder whether if this relationship is worth a shot? Does he seem sincere or it's just the sex?
carhill Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 Apparently, he was planning to return to his hometown soon, but had told his mum that he will remain here for 3 years to wait for me since I am unable to relocate yet.). So I wonder whether if this relationship is worth a shot? Does he seem sincere or it's just the sex? Whoa! After a few weeks of dating? Run, girl, run This guy is spewing more red than a bullfighter on LSD
JerseyShortie Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 Winnie, I like your resolve to stay strong.
clv0116 Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 He cannot know that he wants to marry you after only knowing you for 2 weeks. Grandpa knew grandma less than that when he was 17, and they were married until they died. Successful pair bonding is about a lot more than 'finding the right person'.
MN randomguy Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 I think you're doing a good job of handling all of this Winnie. If you're talking marriage and whatnot. What's waiting a little while longer? Good to hear you're communicating consistently on your side. Could be that he's that into you. If he's just looking to get laid, he'll have move on.
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