monkophile Posted January 24, 2009 Posted January 24, 2009 Hi everyone, I'm new to loveshack, but have a guy problem that hopefully people can help with. I apologize in advance that this is long but I wanted to explain everything so you know what's going on. I have graduated from college and have known one of my profs for about five years now. We've really hit it off and become good friends, but now I think it's becoming something more. When I was his student, he would pick on me in front of the class, call me names, every now and then pat me on the back quickly and sometimes blush when talking to me. I admit I had a crush on him while his student but never acted on it since he was my teacher and I didn't want him to get into trouble. We saw each other a lot last summer and this is when I thought his actions were become too friendly for a friendship, if you know what I mean. I was helping him with something in his classroom. I could see him looking at me out of the corner of my eye, then when I'd turn to him, he'd look away. We'd keep constant eye contact when talking and sometimes he would blush when talking to me. The last time I saw him was around Christmas when we met for lunch. We kept the constant eye contact for the majority of the 2+ hrs. we were together. We talked and laughed a lot and frankly enjoyed each other's company. One time (he was leaning forward on the table) he stopped talking and we gazed in each other's eyes for several seconds. Nothing like that has ever happened to us before. It felt wonderful and odd at the same time. Finally, he broke the contact and looked down with an embarrassed-looking smile on his face. When he was taking me home he said the next time I'm in town (I live several states away and won't be home until the summer) we can just meet at his house. That sounded very unusual from him since he is very shy and never that open. I'm thinking of asking him to visit me for a few days during his school's Easter break. Do you think that's a good idea? The only problem is I live in an efficiency apartment where the living room and bedroom are the same room. I only have one bed - single size where only one person can fit in it, but was thinking I'd give him the bed and I'd sleep on the couch; just trying to make him feel comfortable. I just cannot stop thinking about him . Do you think this type of relationship can work (teacher/student)? I have absolutely no problem with the age difference (I'm 25 and I'm guessing he's around 50) since we get along so well. Should I tell him how I feel? My only concern is that I'd tell him, he won't feel the same way, and it would ruin our friendship, which I value deeply. Any advice would be great. Thanks!
mehim Posted January 24, 2009 Posted January 24, 2009 in my opnion NOO and NOOO and NOO, 25 years is a big difference, you may not think about it now, but do for the future if anything would happen between you. is he not married, doesnt he have kids your age, cuz im 24 and my dad is 50. inviting him over is a bad idea since you are thinkin about having him at your apt. I say you should just look around at guys around your age and enjoy life together at the same time. overall thats just my opnion.
prettybaby Posted January 24, 2009 Posted January 24, 2009 I'm currently dating my former teacher, and all I can say is: take it slow. Do NOT profess your love or anything dramatic like that. You need to let the situation settle itself into something a bit less awkward and less "new". Also give yourself time to evaluate the situation and kind of feel things out with him before you move to the next level. Inviting him to your apartment sounds like a terrible idea, and I definitely wouldn't do that. That's something you do with your boyfriend, not someone you haven't even started dating regularly yet. Plus, inviting a 50 year old college professor in a tiny student room just sounds plain silly. Is he married? Divorced? Does he have children? All those factors could really complicate things. You say you live several states away. Any perspective of moving back closer to him any time soon? If not, I wouldn't even start anything with him. I moved away for several years and blocked mine out of my mind until I got back. It's just not worth getting stuck in the past if your situation doesn't make anything realistically possible. That's unhealthy. Also, your situation is quite unbalanced: you're still a student, you don't have your own home, no full time job (I assume?). And I'm guessing he's already quite settled and has gone through a lot more, considering his age. So I'd proceed carefully and basically try to get to know him a lot better before moving on to the next stage. Your current situation sounds terribly unbalanced, which is generally a recipe for disaster. Do you guys talk on the phone? E-mail? Chat? I'd basically try to communicate a lot while you're out of state and get to know him better first. PS: (I'm 25 and I'm guessing he's around 50) You don't even know his exact age yet. You still have a lot to learn about him. Do that first.
Author monkophile Posted January 24, 2009 Author Posted January 24, 2009 Is he married? Divorced? Does he have children? All those factors could really complicate things. You say you live several states away. Any perspective of moving back closer to him any time soon? If not, I wouldn't even start anything with him. I moved away for several years and blocked mine out of my mind until I got back. It's just not worth getting stuck in the past if your situation doesn't make anything realistically possible. That's unhealthy. Also, your situation is quite unbalanced: you're still a student, you don't have your own home, no full time job (I assume?). And I'm guessing he's already quite settled and has gone through a lot more, considering his age. So I'd proceed carefully and basically try to get to know him a lot better before moving on to the next stage. Your current situation sounds terribly unbalanced, which is generally a recipe for disaster. Do you guys talk on the phone? E-mail? Chat? I'd basically try to communicate a lot while you're out of state and get to know him better first. PS: You don't even know his exact age yet. You still have a lot to learn about him. Do that first. It's true - I don't know his exact age. He is not married or divorced and is not in a relatinoship. No, he does not have children. I do live several states away as I just got a full time job over the summer '08. I have no intention of just throwing that away to come running to him - that would be crazy as I have worked exceptionally hard to get to where I am. But he has mentioned that he is rather unhappy where he is so if anyone of us would move it would probably be him. And while I may look the part, I am definitely not a student There are several changes coming up for me in the not-so-distant future: a car and a place of my own. Just trying to settle in down here.... We talk frequently through email and on the phone. I have not talked to him since we last met when he was really flirting and coming out with the invite to his house, so I don't know if that means he's just busy (he is a college prof after all) or I did something wrong or he's realized how much he's flirting and is trying to stop it. Only time will tell. I'm giving him some space and trying not to contact him for about another month.
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