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Feeling lonesome...


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Posted

I just feel like posting to feel company... I'm waiting for the latest guy I'm into to respond to me, hoping he will, but sometimes have doubts because I e-mailed him a long time ago once and he didn't respond... Sometimes I wonder if its my videos on youtube. I've decided to make a production out of my bad luck cause I don't know what else to make of it. Maybe I've made myself out to be some weirdo to even the weirdos out there....I haven't taken a peek to see how many views they've gotten since I uploaded the last one...A part of me doesn't care, a part of me is afraid to look... But I don't really want to take them down cause they're also my creative outlet and theraputic outlet of some sort... Maybe next time I meet someone online, I'll make sure my youtube link isn't in his reach...But things weren't different before they were up either....sigh...

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Posted

just wanted to add that..making my films have also helped me get to know myself better...it helps me step outside of myself and judge what I'm like...Do I like what I see? Kind of...but its like I'm invisible...

Posted

what are the videos on you-tube of. what would make them weird?

Posted

I don't think there is anything wrong with making your own videos, I just don't see the fascination with posting them for all to see.

 

We have family videos on Vimeo and you can invite only those you want.

 

It has been my experience, especially in this day and age, that if you reveal too much about yourself through videos, e-mail, that people take it the wrong way because it isn't the same as getting to know you through face-to-face contact. People often interpret things the wrong way because you can't show emotion through e-mails and such.

Posted

Don't feel bad. If guys are going to judge you on how you express yourself, they aren't right for you. As for yourself, you need to perk up, be more assertive. People don't go to you even when they're somewhat interested. You have to open your doors and invite them into your life.

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Posted
what are the videos on you-tube of. what would make them weird?

 

They are personal blogs I narrate out loud (to pictures and clips of myself) about situations I get myself in with guys I'm interested in that lead to nothing. I've had the worst luck my whole life with the ones I want, and now its just gotten so frustrating and weird, I thought I'd make FILMS out of them. What would make them weird? Well even the fact alone that I've made a production out of them, exploiting the guys I'm into the way I have....I sometimes feel that my kinda guys may feel weirded out by a girl doing that, and they're aimed at guys who are sensitive to new artists in the sort of underground, dark scene and might think mine are cheezy...

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Posted

yes its true....it IS hard to reveal your true self via e-mail etc. cause in the end, even though you're YOU, you've edited things and are more so performing... Its just that I'm a little anxious. I find it hard to meet guys out and about, and feel the internet is my only hope. I've done the picture/profile alone, and e-mail, from my own experience I've realized picture profiles aren't enough and maybe many people nowadays think so too which is why sometimes I don't get a response, and there seems to be so much pressure on image and how you present yourself, so I'm trying to be appealing via film, expressing I'm also single, set in my favorite style aimed for guys into it too...but I haven't gotten much feedback, and this last guy isn't e-mailing me back...

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Posted

the vids you can find a link to in my contacts info...

Posted

I think you're a beautiful girl but I am personally wierded out by the videos of you talking about your crushes that ended up not working out. You're great at playing the piano, btw. Is your personality that dark or are you trying to attract that kind of guy? I don't know if there's people that would be attracted to that kind of thing or not. I would be more interested if you put your artistic abilities to use on some more lighthearted or positive subjects, but your art is your art. I'm not trying to judge you, just give you an outside perspective.

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Posted
I think you're a beautiful girl but I am personally wierded out by the videos of you talking about your crushes that ended up not working out. You're great at playing the piano, btw. Is your personality that dark or are you trying to attract that kind of guy? I don't know if there's people that would be attracted to that kind of thing or not. I would be more interested if you put your artistic abilities to use on some more lighthearted or positive subjects, but your art is your art. I'm not trying to judge you, just give you an outside perspective.

 

Thanks. Yeah, I'm more on the alternative side, but I'm open minded and not limited to just alternative people. I've been told my videos dramatize me more, and I am trying to attract that type of guy.... I've posted them also to put up something different, something unusual. We've already seen the upper class, mainstream woman have it lucky, now here's someone different who doesn't. But I guess not everyone will look at it that way.

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