dml276 Posted January 23, 2009 Posted January 23, 2009 We were so perfect for each other. We hit it off immediately. It was insane, seriously! Chemistry, sparks, lightening bolts, everything! We were making long term plans. He told me he never felt so much so fast and I felt the same. We were going along just fine then one day, POOF!--gone. He called me and said he wanted to spend more time with his kids. He has 3. The thing is, I never expected him to choose me over his kids. I told him to put his kids before me. I just never thought I would be completley eliminated. How could he just drop me like that? The odd thing was that he was upset (sad) when was breaking up with me, so I am really confused about this whole thing. My friend thinks he may need some more time to recover from his divorce. He's just got divorced in April, we met in Aug. So, I'm asking-- are men really afraid to be in committed relationships? Do they leave when they start to feel something? OR, did he start dating too soon after his divorce? I need some advice from anyone who has it. Thank you.
lonelygurl Posted January 24, 2009 Posted January 24, 2009 I would say that it was probably too soon after his divorce for a serious relationship. After leaving my Xhusband I did not get into a serious relationship for over a year and a half. I also know with me leaving my Xhusband he did not have a serious relationship for many years. He did not handle me leaving him very well. My X partner of recent said that many men don't handle their wifes/partners of long term relationsips leaving them too well. They always warn people of the "rebound" relationships and this could be what it was. I would think for him it would be very hard to be serious with someone so fresh after a divorce. It is not to say that he didn't care for you, but it just might be too soon.
BikerBeagle Posted January 24, 2009 Posted January 24, 2009 We were so perfect for each other. We hit it off immediately. It was insane, seriously! Chemistry, sparks, lightening bolts, everything! We were making long term plans. He told me he never felt so much so fast and I felt the same. We were going along just fine then one day, POOF!--gone.Classic, by-the-book, picture-perfect, rebound relationship.
screwedup®retful Posted January 24, 2009 Posted January 24, 2009 ...I did something very similar. I was in the midst of a divorce and reconnected with a woman from long ago that I had met and had an amazing connection with. At the start, she didn't want to get involved so soon because she herself had endured a divorce and new how difficult it would be, but we got involved anyway, mostly because of my persistence, but also because we quickly fell in love with one another, even before we spent time regularly together. Anyway, twice in a span of six months, I ended up pulling away from her, for my own emotional reasons. It was NOT because the plans we had made weren't what I wanted and, in fact, I want to be able to have all that we planned and promised very badly. I love her deeply and I would bet your ex probably loves you deeply to. Losing the family unit that you are accustomed to is a difficult thing to handle, but it is probably not that he wants to get back with his ex. That was never the case for me. In any event, I would bet that he will want to reconcile with you at some point. Just give him time and let him heal. I would continue to be in casual contact with him, just checking in on him and seeing how he is doing. The thing is, when a guy is going through something, unless he has a GF, he probably doesn't have the support he really needs. Guys just don't offer that to one another. So, be that "girl" friend. He needs friends (close ones) more than he ever has before, but listen and don't judge. The feelings about his divorce and kids that he has are in no way a reflection of how he feels about you. Hang tough, be patient. It'll all work out for the best.
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