Reggie Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 One day, some woman will move mountains to be with you, Reggie. She will break through the bitterness and resentment that has envelope you courtesy of your cheating spouse and capture your heart.... There is hope, meg....let go... I am always saying this "you go girl" thing to my little daughters. They love it. My six year old is going around talkiing about a "man moving mountains". We howl.
Author meg33 Posted January 29, 2009 Author Posted January 29, 2009 i'm still here... my grandmother passed away so i've been busy. I don't mind the name calling... so for those that are upset about that, don't worry your minds on that...i'm going to get what is coming to me. I know that me sending a package wasn't the best choice, but i did it and i'm not going to lie about it. No I've not heard a peep out of either of them... she says nothing and he doesn't either. the 1st time he told her about us 3 years into our relationship all she did was send me an email. i'm working on moving on... getting past the love i felt for him and the dreams that i thought we would share... its hard... but i look for anything i can to get me thru this period... this site and others... you are right... we generally "hate" the other person... and not the ones we love... i'm jealous of her and don't like her, but i know my anger and hate should be towards him.... just as she hates me and her anger should be directed at him... just what we humans do. any and all advice is appreciated... thank you
OWoman Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 10 years is a long time. Have you read that stat that if he doesn't leave within the first year of the A that you don't have much of a chance of his leaving later? I don't know the source of that statistic, but from the recent experience of OWs here whose MMs have left and are now with them, that doesn't seem borne out. It would seem that 3 - 4 years is more the average. Sure I've had guys I've been with for less than a year dump their Ws, but no way would I want to make a serious move with someone I've known such a short time. Especially men in the age range that interests me - all that life experience has to harbour at least SOME baggage and I want to know what it is before I pack my own. That said, ten years is a long time and by then the A situation is likely to have become normalised, so that the dissonance and discomfort of the A may seem less pressing and the need for change less urgent for the MM. But equally, faced with the loss of a 10 year R, the MM may feel it's worth making the move if his M is less than satisfactory. It's really hard to generalise and Meg would best know the likelihood based on her direct observations of her own situation.
gopher Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 I don't know...did I say you said it? did i quote you saying "immoral"? Yes you did...check where I quoted you... Ok, I'm not adding anything productive in this thread.....and for the record 'whacked' was a wrong choice of words....unhealthy was a better word to use in this case.
jwi71 Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 i'm still here... my grandmother passed away so i've been busy. I don't mind the name calling... so for those that are upset about that, don't worry your minds on that...i'm going to get what is coming to me. I know that me sending a package wasn't the best choice, but i did it and i'm not going to lie about it. No I've not heard a peep out of either of them... she says nothing and he doesn't either. the 1st time he told her about us 3 years into our relationship all she did was send me an email. i'm working on moving on... getting past the love i felt for him and the dreams that i thought we would share... its hard... but i look for anything i can to get me thru this period... this site and others... you are right... we generally "hate" the other person... and not the ones we love... i'm jealous of her and don't like her, but i know my anger and hate should be towards him.... just as she hates me and her anger should be directed at him... just what we humans do. any and all advice is appreciated... thank you So how do you want this to end? Do you want him to divorce her and start a real open R with you? Or. Are you finished with him altogether and you are looking for ways to move on with your life?
whichwayisup Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 Sorry to hear about your grandmother.. All you can do is focus on healing now, and rely on your close friends and family. Let the MM go and don't even wonder what is going on between them.
NoIDidn't Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 Meg33 - sorry to hear about your grandmother. The bad things about affairs is that when the OP has a loss in life, they handle it alone in the immediate aftermath because the MP can't help right away (in most cases). Being jealous of her is normal. She's probably a bit jealous of the hold you have on her H. But she probably hates you both - not just him. But that's another topic. OWoman - Using the members of this board is hardly scientific or random, so it doesn't count. I didn't say that he would never leave, I said she didn't have much of a chance of him leaving. They still leave sometimes after that first year, but the ones that definitely want to leave do so usually within the first six months. According to stats I've read. I will have to find them and post one day in a separate thread. LOL. I understand not wanting to be with someone that leaves a marriage after such a short period of knowing them. But what confuses me is the fact that having an affair with a person that you don't know well is okay, but if they leave its not okay anymore? That logic is illogical to me, but I know many people that feel the same way. I'm just not one of them.
mistresswchildren Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 i'm still here... my grandmother passed away so i've been busy. I don't mind the name calling... so for those that are upset about that, don't worry your minds on that...i'm going to get what is coming to me. I know that me sending a package wasn't the best choice, but i did it and i'm not going to lie about it. No I've not heard a peep out of either of them... she says nothing and he doesn't either. the 1st time he told her about us 3 years into our relationship all she did was send me an email. i'm working on moving on... getting past the love i felt for him and the dreams that i thought we would share... its hard... but i look for anything i can to get me thru this period... this site and others... you are right... we generally "hate" the other person... and not the ones we love... i'm jealous of her and don't like her, but i know my anger and hate should be towards him.... just as she hates me and her anger should be directed at him... just what we humans do. any and all advice is appreciated... thank you Meg, First of all, I must say that this will be difficult. I went through the end of a four year relationship with two of the MMs children. It was heart wrenching. There were days I felt that I couldn't breath, but time really did heal the pain. I cannot say that I am completely healed, but I am slowly coming away from the pain. That is all that anyone can expect from you. The best advice that I can give you is to stay away from both of them, especially when you are losing it a little bit. Trust me, as a former OW, I've almost lost it a few times. I actually had the ability to ruin the MMs career, but I didn't. What would it prove? I say that because I feel that you already know that you proved nothing by sending that package. I can understand what your thought process was at the time, but we both realize that doesn't make it right. I cannot imagine the pain that you are going through right now. As others have said pain is subjective. While I know what my heart felt when it ended, I cannot pretend to know what you are going through right now. Ten years is a long time. I suppose you just have to know that all of this will pass. There are people that get divorced after thirty years, and while it hurts at the time, in the long run they are better off. You know what has happened is wrong. You know that affairs are not exactly the most moral thing that any person can do, but you are human. Most of the people on this site have experienced an affair in some way whether they are OW, OM, MM, MW, or BSs. To be human is to error, to forgive is Divine. I will not condemn you because I have been where you are. This will be the hardest thing that you will ever have to do, but realize that you are blessed with a fresh perspective and the chance at a new start. Put the affair behind you. Nothing makes me happier than the fact that I can now say I am a FORMER other woman. Don't get me wrong, I wish I had never been the other woman, but it is over now, and I have picked up the pieces. I wish the same for you. To the rest of you: If your sole purpose in posting on this thread is to argue about what is a comment and what is an attack, start a new thread. We got so off base that even if Meg read all of the posts, she would never be able to see what was a blatant, but constructive comment, or what was an attack. This is what happens on this site a lot. If you all would like to argue, start a thread specifically for it. Otherwise, use your harsh or sympathetic words constructively.
herenow Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 I just have a comment about the BW ignoring the box of stuff. Any attempt at egging me on to call the OW was ignored. Every attempt she made at continuing contact with my H was met with the truth from my H, he wasn't interested in any contact with her. Or, he just didn't pick up the phone if he knew it was her. The OW had a hard time dealing with the fact that he didn't run to her when I kicked him out and she tried to get me involved, but once again she was ignored. Why? Because she was and is irrelevant to me. My problem was with my H and the choice he made to have an affair. If it wasn't her, it would have been someone else. So, don't be so sure she didn't see the stuff, she just may not have any interest in dealing with you. It's her H that cheated on her and if she is serious about staying with him, both of them will continue to ignore you. JMO
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