juliebijoux Posted January 23, 2009 Posted January 23, 2009 My boyfriend lost his job about 7 months ago and hasn't been able to find a job yet. He has atypical sleeping patterns and when we go out with friends he always says he is tired. He posts on facebook and on his away messages that he "get that alone feelings" or that he is tired of being alone. He gets little colds or headaches at least once a week. I told him that he should get counseling and he just refuses. He says if his family thought he needed counseling they would tell him. I do know his parents, mostly from meeting them at a few family gatherings. I have no clue what they think of therapy, but I was going to give them the different counseling center information that I printed out for my boyfriend. Do you think this is stepping too far?
Ronni_W Posted January 23, 2009 Posted January 23, 2009 Julie, It is terrific that you are showing concern for your b/f. I'm not sure, though, that the best way to help him is to say to his parents, "Your son needs professional help...and here's where you can get it for him." Cos that IS what you'd be saying, no matter what words you use. Maybe you could ask your b/f why he feels that his family need to be the ones who "tell him" that he needs counseling? There isn't any logic behind that thought of his...unless he is still a minor. If he is an adult, it is up to HIM to take responsibility for his own emotional/mental health and well-being. Does HE feel that he can benefit from seeing a counselor? If not, what is his plan to improve his sleep patterns, overcome his "alone feelings", and take better care of his physical health? Rather than take it upon yourself, or put it on his parents, you may want to work towards helping him become more self-responsible and self-reliant. But. If you do decide to take HIS problems to his parents, you may want to consider doing it from perspective of, "I'm concerned for 'Joe' and he has told me that he would value hearing it from you, that he needs counseling. How do both of you feel about having a talk with him about it?" If they're not receptive, then you are on your own in helping him act like a grown-up and take care of his own, grown-up needs. You can't do it for him.
Author juliebijoux Posted January 30, 2009 Author Posted January 30, 2009 Thanks, I decided that I would not go to his parents with the information. I did sort of force him to go out with me on saturday night. In the car, on the way to the place he was completely silent and he had this look that could kill on his face. By the end of the night he was smiling and talking to other people. He seemed to be having a better time than he started out with. A few days later though he said he was still mad at me for making him go out. Any ideas on how to get him out of the house more? I guess just offering is a good idea. I want to be supportive but it is very frustrating. Especially since I know the person he can be and what I see him doing now. It is not the same guy. He just turns inward almost and it could appear to be selfishness but he is one of the most generous people.
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