GloryDays Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 Wow. Alot has gone down since I last made a thread. Well, my ex started texting me...I went a week and didn't reply, then he sent me another text and I did talk to him. We got together in person 3 times since. He tells me the same old he doesn't know what he wants...yet I allowed it to go further with him (my own stupidity). Yesterday he picked me up to go for a ride up North to his camp. He ends up telling me that his truck got hit on Jan. 7th by a bartender of a bar he was leaving for the night. Long story short they didn't call the cops but they exchanged numbers and insurance info etc. Well...she's been texting him since Jan. 7th and on his nights off from work (Tuesdays) he's been going to the bar while she works. The kicker is..she has a boyfriend and she's only 22 years old and smokes pot all the time etc. I know of her, I guess she's attractive but not that great lol. He says it's nothing...please I am not dumb! All this time I allowed him back in my life he's been in contact with another girl and hasn't been with me on his night off from work...he goes to the bar. I feel like such a fool. I mean at least he came out with it and told me...but why? Why would he pursue someone who has a boyfriend? I guess the boyfriend went up to him in the bar one night and asked him if he was interested in her and my ex said no. So after he tells me all that I remain calm (in the past I would have flipped if he told me he was talking to another girl). I did ask him quite a few questions as my anxiety levels raised...then he got all snotty and told me he knew I'd blow it out of proportion. Come on...some girl doesn't just keep randomly texting you after she gives you all the insurance info etc and you don't keep going to where she bartends. I'm just crushed. Then he asked me if I'd been talking to anyone and I told him that my one male friend whom I dated in the past has been calling and we are in contact and he got all pissed off about it! Why? He's talking to some new female...the male friend that calls me I've known for years. My ex and I have been broken up for over a month. It's time to move on but I feel used and that he led me on for his own wants. I feel like he has been keeping me around since he knows she is not a sure thing since she is involved with someone else....but if he had the opportunity he'd go for her and I'd be out of his life. What do you all think of this? He's a major scum? Some of my friends tell me he could be trying to hurt me or make me jealous and the others tell me he's probably trying to get with this chick but since she has a boyfriend he's keeping you on the side...
cabarc1 Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 Sounds a lot like what happened to me. My ex started seeing a new girl in august and they moved really fast. He was basically living with her after a month. Well almost 3 months later and having had no contact with him for 4 weeks. He asked me if i wanted to go to dinner and i agreed. I was severly shocked because up until that night, he treated me very coldly. Well that day came and he was soooo affectionate, told me how bad he wanted to kiss me, held my hand the car ride up to the restaurant, flirted with me like crazy, kissed me when he go up to go to the bathroom. I played it cool the whole night, and he even asked me if i had been going out with other guys and like an idiot i said "i've had offers but don't bother with it right now since i don't have a whole heart to give". At the end of the night, he asks me to cuddle with him on the couch and out of nowhere tells me how things are going great with that other girl. I started crying my eyes out because by then i was sure he couldn't be still seeing that girl because i'm sure she would have died if she could have seen how he treated me that night. He told me how confused he is and poor him because he is just sooooo confused. He said he missed me and thought about me all the time but that things were going great with her but were moving so fast and he wasn't ready for that (we were together 5 years). I couldn't quit crying. All i ended up doing was showing him that i'm still hung up on him. I felt so used, it's like he wanted to feel me out and then continue on his journey since he realized he had nothing to worry about at the moment. I told him a week later that there was to be NC for the rest of our lives because aslong as he is with someone then i didn't want to know about him, i really thought he took me seriously but apparently not because he has broken it by sending a couple of texts and sending me a $200 xmas present. All together it's been almost 6 months since he has been with her. The last time i saw him, xmas day (because i tried to return the gift), he told me how he still loves taking care of me and hasn't ruled "us" out. Blah blah blah!! Make sure he knows he can't contact you unless he is ready to get back together. Until then, ignore his ass!! I told my ex that and so far it's been 4 weeks NC...... I definitely feel your ex was trying to feel you out, don't make urself available to him, they will never come back that way!
Author GloryDays Posted January 22, 2009 Author Posted January 22, 2009 cabarc1 I'm so sorry to hear of your situation too. What asses they are! We are the better ones for having true emotions and being good people. I mean if they don't want to be with us they can't help it...but don't string us along. MY EX JUST TEXT ME...my name with a ? after it. Why? What do I do? Ignore? I want to text him back and tell him off and tell him to not dare contact me while he's talking to another female. I'm so upset. Do I just do the NC completely and ignore his ass or do I respond back and say sorry but I can't talk to you anymore, this is why and good luck with your life?
Author GloryDays Posted January 22, 2009 Author Posted January 22, 2009 Help please guys! I feel if I don't respond I will push him towards her...but on the other hand I want him to lose me...realize she's with her man and it's not happening for him and then I want him to have regrets! What do I do?
You'reasian Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 The best way to handle this kind of thing is to meet up in person and work it out; the two of you should discuss exactly what defines the relationship - because if you do not do so, someone is going to do something that will inadvertently hurt the other. Some try to play it cool, some try to be the one that cares the least - but if you really, really care about each other, a face to face talk is the only way to go about it. Communication is the key to any relationship (am I sounding like a broken record yet? lol)
cabarc1 Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 No!! Don't give him any answer, (he's gonna go, oh she's just pissed, she will get over it )!! It's gonna kill him more to wonder why you didn't text back!!! Ignore him completely and start a long journey of NC today!!!!
Geishawhelk Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 If people are exes we shouldn't give a stuff about what they do. He could have a string of gals waiting for him all over the county, and it shouldn't matter a fig, because it's none of your damned business what he does! he can do what he likes! Why are you letting this bother you?? He IS AN EX!! he can go for three-somes, four-somes and thirty-something-somes if he wants to, it's not your call, and nothing to do with you! You go NC. You stay NC. You don't reply, respond, react or care. You don't ring him, you don't text him, you don't IM him, you don't e-mail him you don't write to him, you don't telephone him - you don't even ever give him that little coy girly wave with your fingers by your chin, if he drives past, hoots his horn and yells "hey hon, would you like to buck a bronco in bed?!?" He's out of your life. Period. Stay out of his. Period.
Author GloryDays Posted January 22, 2009 Author Posted January 22, 2009 You'reasian when we went for the long ride yesterday I asked him what he wants from me...if it's purley sex or what and I asked him if he'd want to be together again and all he says is I don't know...I have so much to sort out in my mind blah blah blah. Then I asked him to stay the night (sort of a test) and he said no and went home because he didn't want me to think he was just staying and hanging out with me for sex. cabarc1 that's what my friends and mom just told me too. It's weird...part of me feels bad for ignoring him. Wtf is wrong with me? Geishawhelk I always love your replies! The thing is...he's been trying to stay and linger in my life. I go NC he texts me and then texts me again. He sees me in person, we are intimate and then this all happens yesterday. I thought he needed time just to clear his head since we have a rough history together because that's what he's been leading me to believe. When I ask him if he wants us to be over and me out of his life he wont tell me yes. Now that I find out he has some random bartender texting him I feel very betrayed. Don't get me wrong, I have guys that are interested in me texting me...but I tell them I am hung up on my ex and I can't do it. I see the difference between him and I is that I want to be with him...he apparently must not feel the same. But he throws confusing behavior at me.
You'reasian Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 It's gonna kill him more to wonder why you didn't text back!!! Ignore him completely and start a long journey of NC today!!!! There's a poster (European surfer) who advocates that we pay attention to a woman's actions rather than her words. Very keen. That being said - if he's like most guys, he'll take the hint, might ponder over it, wonder what went wrong and then move on. Most guys with dating or relationship experience understand and can handle rejection pretty well - it comes with the territory of being the persuer 99% of the time.
Author GloryDays Posted January 22, 2009 Author Posted January 22, 2009 So, You'reasian your saying if I don't truly want to never talk to him again....I should respond?
You'reasian Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 So, You'reasian your saying if I don't truly want to never talk to him again....I should respond? I'm saying if you want to talk to him, talk to him. If you do not want to talk to him, continue going NC. Simple. Straight forward. That's how we guys operate.... unless, he's metro then I can't help you with that one.
Geishawhelk Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 Glory, from my POV, it doesn't matter what he does. you have no control over him. It's what you do that matters. And that, you CAN control. And you should just think about the consequences. He only keeps bothering you because he knows you'll bite. Even a fisherman casting his line over, and over, and over again, will stop eventually, give up and go home, if he don't land the fish.....
Author GloryDays Posted January 22, 2009 Author Posted January 22, 2009 Yea I agree....why play the game? I think your right. Thing is, I'm feeling hurt and betrayed right now. Maybe I don't need to respond right away...maybe in an hour or two, or later when I'm ready. Maybe never.
Author GloryDays Posted January 22, 2009 Author Posted January 22, 2009 Geisha your right and that's what my mom said too (she's one of my best friends, I am in my late twenties). People only do to you what you allow them to do to you. I know all this...still I wish he would grow up and be a man and realize it's not okay to toy with someone's emotions. Yea things probably wouldn't ever change anyways...I should try to accept that.
You'reasian Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 Geisha your right and that's what my mom said too (she's one of my best friends, I am in my late twenties). People only do to you what you allow them to do to you. I know all this...still I wish he would grow up and be a man and realize it's not okay to toy with someone's emotions. Yea things probably wouldn't ever change anyways...I should try to accept that. Best of luck to you!
SRV Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 When someone wants to be with you "genuinely" they will say it explicitly. Anything short of that should just be considered "noise". He has you exactly where he wants. I would ignore him.
nature Posted January 23, 2009 Posted January 23, 2009 then he got all snotty and told me he knew I'd blow it out of proportion. Come on... What a pompous, arrogant ass. Just because he said this, I'd never speak to him again. I'd give off the vibe that I'm too good for him, and he can go have his hoochy little cheating bartender. Give me a break. Grow up buddy. some girl doesn't just keep randomly texting you after she gives you all the insurance info etc and you don't keep going to where she bartends. No sh*t! You know it and he knows it too. He's just testing you to see what he can get away with. Ignore him. No response. He wants to make belittling accusations to you that he "knew you'd blow it out of proportion"? F off. Just for that, i'd not let the guy have one piece of me. Not even a text, email, or my voice on the other end of a phone. No matter how much it hurt me, I'd shut him out completely. Little cheating hooch won't seem so special when he's not getting a hurt reaction out of you. Someone who truly loves you doesn't play these insecure games to boost his own insecure ego. I'm just crushed. I'm sure you are. How could you not be? This is ignorant, immature, callous, childish, belittling, disrespectful behaviour. And at this moment in time, he doens't give a hoot about you. He only gives a hoot about himself. So stop stroking his ego and shut him out. NOW.
Author GloryDays Posted January 24, 2009 Author Posted January 24, 2009 SRV- I agree. That's really the bottom line. nature- Thank you! Your reply has helped me the most. I need to hear it...I have to stop feeling bad or guilty over this disrespectful game player. UPDATE: He text me Thursday night when I was on here and I didn't reply. Then yesterday (Friday) evening he text me saying this: "It's apparent you don't want to talk to me so I wont keep bothering you. I wish you the best for the future." I did NOT respond. As much as it's killing me I am not. I really want to say to him...hello your talking to a bartender and choosing to go sit where she works on your nights off instead of be with me! 'Nough said buddy! I really want to tell him good luck with that 22 year old pothead who has a boyfriend and then put a smiley face or something. But I shouldn't, should I? Don't even give him the satisfaction...right?
nature Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 I really want to tell him good luck with that 22 year old pothead who has a boyfriend and then put a smiley face or something. But I shouldn't, should I? Don't even give him the satisfaction...right? You know, it's like the old saying when speaking about little kids...if they can't get good attention, then they'll try for bad attention. That's what this guy is doing. So don't give him any attention. I know...I would want to say a whole pile to him as well. But fight the urge. Believe me. Silence is golden in this case. It will drive him crazy. He won't be stopping by to visit little hooch for long. It won't seem as exciting when he's not doing it to hurt you. Ignore him.
smookie Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 Some People do what your ex did to you just to see if you will bite. It is hard for anyone to just let go. If on of the 2 in the relationship moved on more then likly they will come back to the ex just to test the waters, see if they are still interested. I say do not contact this guy. He has hurt you emotionally. Why let this to continue? Why set yourself up for more hurt and in the end more then likly resentment towards him. he has a lady at home waiting for him bottem line.
smookie Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 sorry mis read post! ( I think I am thinking of the first reply that you got ) ignore him, do not reply to him. He will get more persistant with contacting you though so be perpaired, ya he might have texted you and kinnda said good bye but thats just to get you to bite. Do NC and stay NC until your anger is gone. If you talk to him about this you might say something that you were only to be thinking about.
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