RyTom21 Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 My name is Ryan. I am a 24 year old male from California. I havent exactly had a fun life. I have always been a little different, and I'm definitely not the typical guy. I was teased alot during the majority of my school years. In 5th grade, I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome, which is a high functioning form of Autism. At the same time, it was revealed that I also have OCD. It was definitely nice to know that their was a reason why I was different, but it didnt change the fact that I was now going to have to live with this new discovery for the rest of my life. I have never been social and I never gave into trends or peer pressure, which meant that I had very few friends and I didnt date. I left high school with zero self esteem and zero confidence. Now 6 years later, nothing has changed. I've only had one girlfriend, and that didnt go well at all. For the past 5 years I've been at a job that I hate. I don't bother to apply for new ones, because i'm afraid to fail. I date overweight women because they are easy and will appreciate me. I've never bothered to go for the girls I want because I know that no attractive thin woman would ever be interested in me. I look in the mirror every day and I see an ugly man staring back at me. It seems like I have more flaws than I do body parts. I have a double chin, I have chicken legs, my nose is too big, I don’t have muscles, etc... I hide my sadness with a goofy sence of humor, but I'm sure people see right through that. I've always been the "let's just be friends" kind of guy. My whole life i've heard "Oh Ryan you're so sweet and such a great guy". But I dont want to be sweet or nice. I want, even just once, for a woman to look at me and say "Damn" or "He's hot". It's even harder now because I live with my brother, who is the exact opposite of me. He is confident, good looking, always got good grades, and can get pretty much any girl he wants. It makes me want to cry when girls come to our house, because I feel like their eyes skim over me and then go straight to my brother. I don’t even know what I was hoping to accomplish by telling you all this, but I guess I just needed to let it all out. I can’t talk to my parents when I’m feeling down because they’re already stressed out with the economy and money problems and they just don’t want to hear any of my complaining. That made it sound like they’re bad parents who are never there for me. I didn’t mean to imply that.
Geishawhelk Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 Ryan, thank you for having the courage to come onto this forum and talk to us. There are a lot of people writing a lot of things about a lot of problems in relationships, and I think sometimes we think we have the worst problem in the world, but occasionally a nice, genuine, upfront and sincere person like you comes on and puts things into a little more perspective. There's no magic wand. I don't know how well "under control" your conditions are, or whether you can just manage them. But I don't know what else I can say. I don't know if you have a group of friends, a counsellor, a therapist or someone you could talk to in private and ask about help or guidance with your situation. I would hate to think that someone as nice as you sound, would go through life without someone special to love. Keep posting, keep asking and we'll respond in any way we can. If we offer advice and opinion, would you be able to take it, if it's within reason? I mean, how good are you at following through? And trust me, many people without the obstacles you face, find it very difficult!
kdark Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 Your body is one thing that you can change about yourself. Your lack of muscles, you chicken legs, and your double chin can all be fixed by getting in shape. Your big nose will become "cute" to women once they like the rest of the package... It is quite a self esteem booster to be able to look at your body in the mirror and say "damn i look good!" And welcome to LoveShack. You fit right in here...
Green Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 First off you need to change the way you think about yourself. Seriously I wish the clasification asbergers had never been started because now thats the way you think of yourself even if you claim it gives you comfort I feel that you've given yourself a crutch you don't need. You should date women your attracted too instead of women you think of as fat. You should work toward something you enjoy instead of spending all your time stuck in a job you hate. Go make it happen, please come back and post about things you're actually trying to do instead of how you just feel helpless and lost in your situation. I have my own stories of pain, but I never give up and I'm working toward a career that I love, and date a girl who is so sexy to me that I get hard just thinking about her u can have that too just believe in urself man
torranceshipman Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 I agree with KDark-there is so much you can do by working out, good diet, etc - and a bit of a tan would do wonders too...a new haircut, all that stuff. And hey, you wrote this: 'I never gave into trends or peer pressure'. Do you know how cool that actually makes you? Very cool...not many people are able to just be themselves
mclovin Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 Hi Ryan. As others stated, it's a great strength to post your true feelings on this site. I'm sorry to hear of your unhappiness. The best advice I can give you is to think about what lovely traits you have. I teach adults with Autism. Asperger's Syndrome is a very unique form of autism. Think about all the unique traits you have that no one else does. I'm sure you know what they are. I was teased a lot in school as a kid until I lost weight, so I know what it's like. It is understandable that you have trouble forgetting your past. The best way to do this is think about the lovely unique traits you have and how others surrounding you are lucky to have you around. The more you think, believe and feel this, the more you and others will see it. Believe there are several lucky women out there who will love and appreciate the unique and intruiging Ryan. It will take time, but with this attitude, things will get better and the unhappy past will fade into nothing as time goes on.
mclovin Posted January 23, 2009 Posted January 23, 2009 Also, in regards to you disatisfaction with your looks, there are options that would help you feel better about yourself. I'm not a nutritionist , but a healthy diet with proper exercise will benefit anyone both health and looks-wise. Perhaps you can save a little money and visit a personal trainer. Go to a barber and get a new haircut. Ask the hairstylists opinion. Maybe a beard, mustache would suit you? Ask professional opinions. Remember, your happiness and self-esteem is what is MOST important. I go by the saying there has to be a "me" BEFORE a "we". So in other words, fix yourself and love who you are before you begin a relationship. In regards to looks, attractiveness is 50% looks and 50% of WHAT YOU THINK YOU GOT. How many severely overweight unattractive women have you seen wearing a wedding band with 4 kids running around ? Many! Got news for you too---they were just as unattractive prior to meeting their spouses! It's all in the attitude! Hope this helps. Good luck.
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