1DAY Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 We were together for 6 years and have a child together. The last 2 years turned pretty ugly with lots of abuse (mostly verbal and emotional, but sometimes even physical). I felt this was a result of his new found "weed" habit. He was a completely different person when he was high - the guy I fell in love with - but when he didn't have a joint, WATCH OUT! He lost all ambition to do anything. Wasn't working or helping out around the house. I was taking care of and having to worry about everyone and everything. He also started sports betting online and was putting our family through a lot of financial hardship. He moved out on Christmas Day 2007 after months of arguing about his not working. I was devastated, mostly for our son. Over the next few months, I tried everything to put our family back together. I suggested with go to councelling and try to work through our differences, but he said he didn't need someone to tell him that it was all my fault. Still I kept trying - we were even sleeping together. After months of getting nowhere, I decided it was time to try to get back out there and move on. I started dating casually and in May 2008 I met a really great guy - handsome, kind, hardworking, mature, respectful. I was happy and decided that in order to move on completely, I would need to sell our family home. I told my ex of my intentions to move and a week later he called and said he wanted to work things out. That he realized that I was the only girl for him, that he'd get a job and help out and wanted to try to work past all the hurt we had caused each other over the years. I was very torn by his phone call and everything inside me was saying "DON'T DO IT!!!!", but for my family's sake, I agreed. In July 2008, he moved back in and four weeks later he was gone. At the first opportunity, he left his family AGAIN! Over something completely trivial. I tried to call him at his parent's house, but he didn't want to talk. He just kept saying it's over. I immediately put our house up for sale and in October 2008, we moved. Since then, I have been dating that same man I met in May. He is wonderful and adores me, and is well aware of the situation between my ex and I. I would never want to do anything to hurt him, but last week I ended up in bed with my ex. It all happened so quickly....we have always had this intense sexual chemistry and when he kissed me it still felt like there was something there. He couldn't stop touching my face and it felt like we were making love. Except afterwards, he said to me that there was definitely no chance of us ever getting back together. I asked him why he just won't let me move on and be happy and he said I do it to myself. I feel used and disgusting. I feel like it was just a game for him to see if he could still have me. He knows I've been dating someone for the past five months. He doesn't want me, but doesn't want anyone else to have me either. Uggghhh, I feel so confused. I felt like I was ready to move on, but now all these feelings are coming back. I know what a life with him would mean for me and my son, but the fact that I don't have closure and that he feels no remorse for what he's put me through makes it hard sometimes. I was so happy and falling in love again, and now I feel like that girl a year ago who felt so lost and helpless and was crying everyday. Why won't he just leave me alone? Was it too soon to move on?
Geishawhelk Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 I would never want to do anything to hurt him, but last week I ended up in bed with my ex. Well then, you're not being honest. I would never want to do anything to hurt him - but I did it anyway. It all happened so quickly....we have always had this intense sexual chemistry and when he kissed me it still felt like there was something there. He couldn't stop touching my face and it felt like we were making love. Oh please!! You just had it in you yo say No, but didn't! Why do people complicate things? Nobody held a gun to your head or forced you into this! You did this because you felt like it!! Except afterwards, he said to me that there was definitely no chance of us ever getting back together. I asked him why he just won't let me move on and be happy and he said I do it to myself. You're more like him than you think. I feel used and disgusting. Bullsh*t. You only feel that way now because you thought you could get something back. You didn't feel that way at the time did you? Was it too soon to move on? Moving on- ? YOU HAVE A BF, fer goodness' sake!! You've already moved on!! What the heck are you talking about?? YOU should NEVER have screwed this guy at all!! I felt like I was ready but now all these feelings are coming back. I know what a life with him would mean for me and my son, but the fact that I don't have closure and that he feels no remorse for what he's put me through makes it hard to move on completely. Don't put the blame on him for the fact that you jumped into bed with him. This is entirely your doing, your responsibility and your Sh*tto deal with. I feel like it was just a game for him to see if he could still have me. He knows I've been dating someone for the past five months. He doesn't want me, but doesn't want anyone else to have me either. Well you should have thought of that before penetration dearie, not now. You knew you had a BF too... didn't you? Or am I sensing you had a bout of temporary amnesia? Uggghhh, I feel so confused. I was so happy and falling in love again, and now I feel like that girl a year ago who felt so lost and helpless and was crying everyday. Well suck it up. Or stop whingeing and get a grip. Why won't he just leave me alone? because you say "yeah! Ok, come on in!" instead of "Get lost!" Next puerile question?
Author 1DAY Posted January 22, 2009 Author Posted January 22, 2009 Whoa...that was a little harsh. We were together for a long time and share a child. I have resisted him plenty of times, but this time he was so in my face. I am not justifying anything. You're right, I could have said "no" and I didn't. In the end, I only hurt myself. I've never broken up with someone I loved before nevermind the man I had planned to spend my life with. This is all new to me. It's not like I even want him back....but sometimes I just get so scared of the unknown. Everything with him is so familiar and comfortable. Sometimes I just wish things were the way they used to be and that we could be a family for our son, and in a moment like that my judgment was impaired. I wish I could take it back. Thanks for your feedback, but I'm not the heartless tramp you made me out to be.
Geishawhelk Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 Whoa...that was a little harsh. We were together for a long time and share a child. I have resisted him plenty of times, but this time he was so in my face. I am not justifying anything. You're right, I could have said "no" and I didn't. In the end, I only hurt myself. I've never broken up with someone I loved before nevermind the man I had planned to spend my life with. This is all new to me. It's not like I even want him back ........ Thanks for your feedback, but I'm not the heartless tramp you made me out to be. I never said you were heartless. But what I did say is that you have all your faculties, you're not stupid (you've brought a child up, right?) but you made a choice. Look, I have a reputation round here of shooting from the hip and telling it like it is. And that's what I did. If it gave you a wake-up call, then I'm glad, because I didn't write anything that wasn't true. Did I? ....but sometimes I just get so scared of the unknown. Everything with him is so familiar and comfortable. Well now, how many of us livew without the unknown? Name me one person who's got it all worked out pat, and has a crystal ball that's infallible? We all live there honey! And everything with him, might be familiar, but it's far from comfortable. Drugs? Violence? Think again. There is nothing remotely comfortable about a person with a toxic temperament. Sometimes I just wish things were the way they used to be and that we could be a family for our son, and in a moment like that my judgment was impaired. I wish I could take it back Well I bet you do but you can't. So now you make a decision. Do you confess all to your BF, and start again with a new slate, or do you tuck it into the recesses of your mind, vow to not do it again, and move on? Choices choices.....!
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