I'm Joe Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 This might be quite a read, but I would appreciate any and all advise empathy, relatable stories or help of any kind. I have recently found through MySpace the first girl I ever fell in love with. Her Name Is Brittany and we Grew up in Bigbear lake California, We went to Kindergarten through the fifth grade together and almost always had the same teacher, I was only a small child but I was out of my mind, off the wall, down right crazy about this girl. I have almost no memories of her that aren't about me in some way trying to get next to her, talk to her, or impress her in some way. I have endless stories about her. I paid the girl sitting next to her in our 3rd grade class photo my lunch money in exchange for a position next to her in the photo. I picked her every time in "head up seven up" However every time I got near her my little heart was almost beating right out of my chest so I did keep my distance for fear of a heart attack. In the 1st grade she took me out at recess and told me to close my eyes, when I did she kissed me on the cheek and ran away. Toward the end of the 5th grade my mom picked us up and moved to Washington to get married to her boyfriend. (whom she divorced ten months later.) then we moved to Salem Oregon to be with my real father, and we have lived here ever since... I am now 24 years old, a working adult. It took me two or three years to get used to the idea that we would never be together. In the 8th grade I finally started thinking about other girls, the only problem then was that I had already hit puberty and so I was not "thinking" of them in the same way. I had a few girlfriends here and there throughout highschool but they were typical relationships of kids that age. It was more of a status symbol to have a girlfriend than it was about having feelings for them. After highschool I decided that I wanted someone who wanted to be a mother and a wife and a Best Friend, basically someone as sweet as pie. The only problem was(and is) that woman like that are almost non-existent, the ones that are out there have long ago been snatched up by men far more charming than me. so I made a firm decision that I would wait for that kind of woman or have no one at all. So far I have kept to that. I am the only 24 year old virgin I know that isn't incredibly shy or ugly. Cut to two weeks ago. It was like a Brittany wind swept through the Willamette valley. I got in a conversation at work about elementary school crushes, someone asked me what I think about the name Brittany(which happens to be my favorite name) and to top it off someone directly asked me about my first love. So I had her heavily on my brain. I decided to look her up on MySpace and Incredibly I found her. So I sent her a friends request with a very timid message about how she probably wouldn't remember me. but to my surprise she immediately responded enthusiastically exclaiming that "of course I remember you!" So I view her page and come to find out that she still lives in the town we grew up in and now has children, I see no man though, her page says she is single. (Keep in mind that I have not had anything more than a passing thought about her in five years). So I begin to look at her pictures and all of the sudden something that has happened to me only 3 times since I was 10 overcomes me. I begin to weep, not just weep but straight up ball, I am crying like a 5 year old after a spanking. to be honest with you I am welling up right now just writing this message. I kept thinking about how mad I was at my mom, and how her children, should have been our children, her family should have been our family, her life should should have been our life. What I want to do is write her a letter detailing everything that has happened since the last time I saw her and my exact feelings. but I can't imagine how that would be received from her end... someone who she met in elementary school never forgot her and now as an adult weeps alone in his bed from a 15 year old lost love. I don't know how I would receive such information if the situation was reversed. I know they call it puppy love but I am telling you if that wasn't love then either such an emotion does not exist or I have just never really been in love. What is wrong with me? am I still in love? am I just in a weird funk? has anything similar happened to anyone else? I have been in a bad way for a few days now anything will help.
Author I'm Joe Posted January 22, 2009 Author Posted January 22, 2009 Just to be clear, I do want to say that I don't expect any kind of relationship out of this. I would love it if something like a Jane austin-ish story like that came true for me, but I am a big boy, I know the difference between fantasy and reality. I just want her to read it and be moved by my feelings. not disturbed by them.
2sure Posted January 23, 2009 Posted January 23, 2009 By all means, if you are both single, arrange to get to know her better, and see her...see what happens. Tell her the sweet things like you have thought of her from time to time. But no, dont tell her most of what you wrote. Its too dramatic. She has children, she has been married , divorced, possibly widowed...dont say her children should have been yours. Thats too strange, and would be somewhat frightening to hear from a guy you havent seen since grade school.
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