audrey_1 Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 What do you consider the fundamentals of a relationship to be? Another thread had the comment that there was something fundamentally wrong with a relationship. What does this mean to you?
birdie Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 to me it means the most basic requirements that are absolutely necessary for a healthy relationship: - not only loving but also liking eachother - good communication - mutual respect - loyalty - kindness - very similar values roughly this is about it. anything else is frills
Geishawhelk Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 I work within a Counselling organisation, and am gaining my qualifications. We know that three essential Fundamentals are absolutely vital for any relationship to thrive: Communication Trust Respect. Every relationship takes Effort and Commitment. If ANY one of these 5 is missing or defficient, it doesn't work.
Author audrey_1 Posted January 22, 2009 Author Posted January 22, 2009 Effort and Commitment. I wonder why those who can't offer either bother to date? Aren't these the serial daters who jump from one honeymoon phase to another?
birdie Posted January 23, 2009 Posted January 23, 2009 Effort and Commitment. I wonder why those who can't offer either bother to date? Aren't these the serial daters who jump from one honeymoon phase to another? not everyone looks for serious relationships, some people just want to pass the time
You'reasian Posted January 23, 2009 Posted January 23, 2009 Effort and Commitment. I wonder why those who can't offer either bother to date? Aren't these the serial daters who jump from one honeymoon phase to another? I think my fellow males will not show an effort if they have to play games (i.e. chase) - unless they are whipped and have zero backbone.
birdie Posted January 23, 2009 Posted January 23, 2009 I think my fellow males will not show an effort if they have to play games (i.e. chase) - unless they are whipped and have zero backbone. I agree although I find it amazing how a large number of women would disagree with you completely
LoveLace Posted January 24, 2009 Posted January 24, 2009 I agree although I find it amazing how a large number of women would disagree with you completely In other words, if a man feels that he has to do any "chasing" then he's less likely to make effort? Gee, that makes me feel desirable! If a man makes effort without results then of course he might as well move on...same for women. But I don't see it "playing games" - it's more like the natural way men and women interact...the traditional idea that the man pursues and the woman receives... So if your saying that most men no longer want to bother with this concept, then I'll never meet someone special...because we all know how LS feels about women doing the chasing...it's a big no-no. And half the time, just seems to bother men more than woo them. So now I'm sitting here, painfully single, pretty much convinced I am in a lose-lose situation if your saying men making effort is "playing games" in their eyes.
runner Posted January 24, 2009 Posted January 24, 2009 I work within a Counselling organisation, and am gaining my qualifications. We know that three essential Fundamentals are absolutely vital for any relationship to thrive: Communication Trust Respect. Every relationship takes Effort and Commitment. If ANY one of these 5 is missing or defficient, it doesn't work. spot on. this pretty much sums it up.
birdie Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 In other words, if a man feels that he has to do any "chasing" then he's less likely to make effort? Gee, that makes me feel desirable! If a man makes effort without results then of course he might as well move on...same for women. But I don't see it "playing games" - it's more like the natural way men and women interact...the traditional idea that the man pursues and the woman receives... So if your saying that most men no longer want to bother with this concept, then I'll never meet someone special...because we all know how LS feels about women doing the chasing...it's a big no-no. And half the time, just seems to bother men more than woo them. So now I'm sitting here, painfully single, pretty much convinced I am in a lose-lose situation if your saying men making effort is "playing games" in their eyes. wow you ran away with this a bit, didn't you? I am traditional in the sense that I expect the man to make first contact after meeting him first time and I expect him to show obvious interest. That's just a strategy for me to see how strong he is as a person. very quickly though I expect the effort to be 50-50. I don't really care what how the community in LS feels to be honest, I don't lead my life by other people's rules and I know what works for me.
Geishawhelk Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 I don't lead my life by other people's rules and I know what works for me. This is smoke and mirrors. It doesn't matter whose rules they are - if they can be called 'rules' at all. They are generally recognised as certain fundamental principles which underpin any relationship. if you don't think Trust, Respect, Communication, Effort and Commitment are for you - and it's not a question of them being anyone else's rules - the relationship is doomed. 10 - 90, 20 - 80 whatever the proportions. One partner always gives slightly more. It's the way it is. it can never be 50-50 all the way down the line, all the way across the board. it doesn't work that way. it's impossible. But often, if a partner gives 20 to the other person's 80 in one sector, it may well mean that the percentages are reversed in another...... Give and take? yes. 50-50? Never.
birdie Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 This is smoke and mirrors. It doesn't matter whose rules they are - if they can be called 'rules' at all. They are generally recognised as certain fundamental principles which underpin any relationship. if you don't think Trust, Respect, Communication, Effort and Commitment are for you - and it's not a question of them being anyone else's rules - the relationship is doomed. 10 - 90, 20 - 80 whatever the proportions. One partner always gives slightly more. It's the way it is. it can never be 50-50 all the way down the line, all the way across the board. it doesn't work that way. it's impossible. But often, if a partner gives 20 to the other person's 80 in one sector, it may well mean that the percentages are reversed in another...... Give and take? yes. 50-50? Never. eh? you may want to read my first post in this thread. the 50-50 was referring to one of the posters saying how men should do the chasing. my point was that both should show interest from the early stages and that I believe in balance. maybe it is not EXACTLY 50-50 and some people care about one aspect of the relationship while consider others aspects of it more important but it should be like a partnership amongst equals and not one party chasing the other.
fral945 Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 When I think of the fundamentals of a relationship I think of something like the fundamentals of math, science, etc. They are the things that, if missing, will stunt the development and progress of a relationship. Like in math or physics, for example, there are certain fundamental laws, rules, and formulas that allow the development and analysis of more complicated systems. Without those basics you have nothing to work with. If something is fundamentally wrong with a relationship, there is an obvious, core issue that needs to be addressed. You need to go back to the basics. I think it is useful to every so often check the basics of a relationship, similar to checking your car every once in a while, even if it seems to be running fine. Make sure the tire pressure is good, the oil is changed, fluid levels are good, there is nothing that needs repair or replacement, etc. You can get a lot of miles out a car if you take care of it and check the basics. I would think relationships probably aren't much different.
Geishawhelk Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 eh? you may want to read my first post in this thread. the 50-50 was referring to one of the posters saying how men should do the chasing. my point was that both should show interest from the early stages and that I believe in balance. maybe it is not EXACTLY 50-50 and some people care about one aspect of the relationship while consider others aspects of it more important but it should be like a partnership amongst equals and not one party chasing the other. Oh. OK. Forget the 50-50 bit then.
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