urdone Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 OK, Wife ended our marriage on Xmas day..yes colder then ice I know. She had a thousand "reasons"...I'm not social enough, I'm not driven enough, I'm never enough....and nothing I ever did was good enough....it's not like she has actually done anything special with her life herself. All these thousands of reasons really were smoke and mirrors, but looking back the 2 main reasons were-..I WAS NOT SERIOUS ENOUGH ABOUT GETTING RICH OR ADVANCING THE FAMILY (I WORK MY ASS OFF) I'm just like every other guy out there who goes to work everyday and does the best he can, we can't all be doctors, lawyers and millionaires. The second....she really has no real reason other then IT'S SO MUCH SIMPLIER TO BE SINGLE, less hassle.....does any of this make sense. I feel like I had to be "everything". We had our fair share of fights etc, but I never, never believed it would come to this as things only seemed to be getting better. She wrapped things up very fast, money, belongings etc and has not contacted once apart to arrange child sharing and told me she is going to divorce me. She has by all accounts gone out every weekend and appears to be having the time of her life, is being really social and in no way misses me at all. Infact my son even says shes really happy, smiling all the time and never mentions me at all.....I am so confused, I'm still in a deep state of shock. I just can't believe she can flush it all away?, I can't believe the complete change in personality. I'm sitting here completely messed up, and shes out there having fun and acting as if I never existed!!!!. We were married 10 years, I don't get it and know I'm going to messed up for a very long time, I have no interest in anyone else. I'm a good guy and I don't deserve this. WHAT THE HELL?????????????????????????. I'm doing everything I'm supposed to, haven't contacted her, haven't begged or pleaded. Trying to keep busy, joined the gym, the whole 9 yards, yet I still feel like my lifes ended and I can't get her out of my head. :-(
me1234 Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 i too was w/ someone who was also of the "nothing you do is ever good enough" mentality. funny thing is, even though i continually bent over backwards and did all she asked (and then some), it STILL wasn't good enough - not to mention she was never appreciative of what i did do. that said, please don't blame yourself for her having that mentality. it's impossible to please those who are impossible to please - this was not a failure on your part. contradictory to common sense, i found w/ my ex that the LESS i complied w/ her demands, the MORE interested she was. i think with some people, they like the challenge of controlling someone. once they are under their control, it's no longer interesting. with regards to feeling like your life has ended, i've been there. i can recommend some great books that can help, but in the end, the only thing that's ever truly helped me is to get back on the horse and meet new women. even if it's just to network, find new friends, or to test the waters - it's the only thing that's truly pulled me out of despair after being dumped. others will have different opinions, just offering my personal experience.
You'reasian Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 OK, I WAS NOT SERIOUS ENOUGH ABOUT GETTING RICH OR ADVANCING THE FAMILY (I WORK MY ASS OFF) I'm just like every other guy out there who goes to work everyday and does the best he can, we can't all be doctors, lawyers and millionaires. The second....she really has no real reason other then IT'S SO MUCH SIMPLIER TO BE SINGLE, less hassle.....does any of this make sense. I feel like I had to be "everything". Regardless of what she thinks, you should take charge of your own financial plan. Try to save when and where you can, invest etc. If she wants a doctor, lawyer or millionaire - she'll find one. Its time for you to find a woman that will appreciate you for what you have to offer.
me1234 Posted January 23, 2009 Posted January 23, 2009 as to why she's "happy", this was her choice, something she wanted, so she will be content for the time being in that she's getting what she wants. the dumper always has it easier than the dumpee. not to give false hope, but after some time of hitting the bars and going out, she may realize she really isn't "happy", and that the grass isn't greener. then again, she may not. either way, you can't sit around worrying about what she will do - you have to worry about doing things for yourself.
sedgwick Posted January 23, 2009 Posted January 23, 2009 I'm so sorry that happened to you, but PLEASE take heart in the fact that not all women are like this! I find the fact that she would leave you because you're not making more money to be just about the most shallow thing I've ever heard of. There are SO much better women out there! I don't give the slightest sh*t what the person I love does for a living or how much money they make. Anyone with any character will feel the same. The ex who broke my heart and brought me here didn't find me good enough either. I am a published author, a dancer in a regularly-performing company, and I'm about to make my first feature-length documentary. I also knitted him stuff all the time. His reason for dumping me? That I'm not a musician like he is. See, not good enough, even though I'm very driven and busting my ass to get where I want to be. Even though my life is exciting and joyful, I was not enough for him.
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