pinkelephant Posted January 21, 2009 Posted January 21, 2009 So, I deleted THE ex from my facebook yesterday. This particular ex completely broke my heart a few years ago, but he still talks to me out of the blue every so often. Facebook was probably our last "connection" considering we have no mutual friends and live in different states. I didn't obsessively stalk his profile, but I'd find myself looking at it from time to time. I kind of liked the idea that he could see that I'm happy with someone else. I've been in a new happy and loving relationship for the past 2 years and I'd like to think I got over my ex, but I feel like I never got over how much he hurt me. I find myself thinking back to when I felt like I would never find someone else, when I felt absolutely hopeless after he hurt me. I don't think about the happy times I had with him, I just think about our break up and how I regret letting him walk all over me. It's been years, but I still hold on to these thoughts/resentments. When we have our once a year conversations, I try my best to seem like I'm doing well and that I'm happy (which I am) and then afterwards I regret being nice to him or talking to him at all. Anyways, I kind of regret deleting him because now I can't snoop but I guess it's for the better right? Maybe this will finally let me stop thinking about him and the past? I'm obviously not going to re-add him, I just feel kind of unsettled that I even regret deleting him. I feel like I shouldn't have a second thought about him, I love my current boyfriend so much.
lonelygurl Posted January 21, 2009 Posted January 21, 2009 Good for you for deleting him!! That is a BIG step!! I know for me the first time he dumped me the big step was actually deleting my email account and making sure I no longer received emails from him. I didn't just want to block him, I wanted him to received his emails back as undeliverable. What use is it if they think you are receiving them. It is a much better affect to have them sent back. I think with blocking that should be an option, not just them being deleted and trashed.
sedgwick Posted January 21, 2009 Posted January 21, 2009 Still being hurt by your ex doesn't mean you don't love your current partner. Just because you're happy now doesn't mean those scars are gone. My first boyfriend, to whom I lost my virginity at 16, cheated on me a few days after I gave it up. Obviously I'm over it -- it was 20 years ago -- but that doesn't mean I don't remember how much it hurt. And when I think of him, just like you said, I remember the hurt more than I remember the good. Same with my most recent ex, who dumped me a year and a half ago. The way he hurt me will be with me forever. Nobody in my life, except my mother, has ever hurt me that much. Given that he dumped me right after I sold my book, my life's dream, I will always remember the time during which I wrote that book as one of great sorrow. The night before he dumped me I told him I was really overwhelmed by the challenge but knew I could do it with him by my side. The next day he left and I never saw him again. I will always remember how I would write for an hour, then cry for an hour, and repeat. I wrote the book IN SPITE of him. I wrote it in spite of the fact that he essentially told me books weren't as important as music. I will always wish I could have read it to him as I went along, but I didn't get to, and I think I will always ache for that experience.
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