VAmama Posted January 21, 2009 Posted January 21, 2009 My ex and I split back in Aug 08. Kept in very LC over the course of 4 months; a text or email every 2-4 weeks or so. 5 weeks ago he called me up, crying. He came over and expressed a lot of internal confusion within himself about a variety of issues, many indirectly or directly a result of our relationship. A few days after that he came back over again, unannounced, and stated he wanted to try to work SLOWLY through the issue the resulted in our break-up. Since then we have been in contact every few days or so, and have seen each other once or twice a week on average. This past weekend, the ex had another mini mental breakdown. Cancelled plans we had, told me he needed a day to get back in the right mind frame, and would get together with me on Monday to talk. Monday he comes over. We hang out for a bit, then go out to eat. While out eatting, he tells me he is having a lot of anxiety about us and our ability to work things out. He wants to work things out, and wants to commit, but knows he's not in the right frame of mind to feel confident about finding a solution to our issues. He doesn't want to commit to working on things until he feels more confident and can do so with less hesitation.... He said he wants to take 2 months apart from each other, and see if after some time we can find a way back to each other. Actually, he said he wants to take 2 months to crawl under a rock and get himself sorted out and then reemerge and focus his energy on making things right with us. Said he would love to go away for those 2 months, then come knocking on my door one day and we just pick up where we left off. He told me he would love if I would wait for him, but knows that is not fair. He said he wants to know he can live without me; that it's to easy to fall back into the conmfort of our relationship, and he knows if he does, he won't resolve the internal confusion he feels within himself, and won't find the balance he is seeking. He was crying saying he was so afraid of disappointing me.... Before he left, he cancelled plans with me to go to a concert that evening, saying it would only make it harder to say goodbye to each other, only to turn around when he got there and told me to come down and join him. He was so happy I came, and as we parted ways after the show, he just kept starting at me, telling me I was the "best ever; I want you to know that".... in very loving, very serious manner (not joking at all) I want to give him his space, as it is clear to me he is very confused, and I don't want my prescene to confuse him if that is indeed what is going on at the moment. However, I am willing to wait for him, as I feel what we have is worth that sacrifice... IF he too is truly committed to working on himself and not going to date other people. I feel if he is thinking about dating other people, I don't feel he is being sincere about focusing on bettering himself, and I should go on with my life if that is the case. He didn't come out and say that was anything he intended to do; in fact, I was the one who first stated that my fear in this seperation period is that I would go on with my life as I have since our split in Aug., which included dating, and the moment I meet someone new, my ex will resolve his issues and want to commit fully to working on us again. He said something about wanting my happiness in that instance and being able to love me selflessly then... and, a little later, he also said he wouldn't want me waiting around if the same thing happened for HIM (that he met someone new). I guess I'm just really confused on what to do. The way things were left, we made no promises to each other on when or if we'll talk again; just that we'll be in touch. Yet, at the same rate, I'm wondering if I should tell him I'm willing to wait for him, if he's genuine about working on bettering himself. I didn't at the time, b/c I just didn't know how I felt or how to respond to his needs. I fear though, this could pressure him in a way I don't want. I also fear he'll say no.... don't wait, and what that means/represents to me. It's hard to trust and rely on just faith and hope in this situation, b/c that's all I really have. It's hard for me to understand fully his confusion, b/c by his own admission he kept going on and on about our mental, emotional, and physical connectiveness, and how it's always been there, and still is.... how he feels such an energy and pull whenever he is around me. All the character traits he said that he loves about me and knows are so unique... And these are all the same things I feel and think about him. How can two people who feel this way about one another not be able to work through it? So, peanut gallery, what do I do? Do I go silent, as he wants, and just hope and pray we find a way back to each other? Do I reach out and tell him I'm willing to wait for him if he's willing to put off dating till he betters himself and we address whether our relationship can continue? Guess I'm just looking for some semi-objective opinions, b/c on my end, it's pretty muddled and I'm having a hard time figuring out what's the best way to proceed.
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