Lady Sinistar Posted January 21, 2009 Posted January 21, 2009 I don't even know where to start.... But I can say at least this; my fiancee of one year just up and told me about a week ago that he no longer has feelings for me. As I write this with my heart soaking wet, crying for over a week, shaking, heart pounding and a 12 pound weight loss, I am struggling to pack up all the items that he has bought for "our future." To make matters worse, I have 4 year old daughter from a previous marriage and it hurts me when she asks about him. Not only did he walk into my life but he took on the responsibility of a male/father figure to her and she responded all too well. No matter what I say, nothing will bring him back. I want him to just turn around and say that he's sorry for being an emotionally stunted jackass, and I would gladly take him back. But he said, "Not now. I can't see the future so I can't tell if you if will." Great. Furthermore, we've had probably the best sex since we got together and that has come to an end as well. But that's not important right now. What matters to me is that I feel like I've been living a lie. All of these pieces, empty promises and left behinds.... I've never felt so emotionally abandoned and rejected. Before him I felt like I was a nobody. When he came along I finally felt like one again. In my nothing he was everything to me. Now, he can't stand to be around me. Someone please help me. I want this crying spell to stop.
sinkerswim Posted January 21, 2009 Posted January 21, 2009 I don't even know where to start.... But I can say at least this; my fiancee of one year just up and told me about a week ago that he no longer has feelings for me. As I write this with my heart soaking wet, crying for over a week, shaking, heart pounding and a 12 pound weight loss, I am struggling to pack up all the items that he has bought for "our future." To make matters worse, I have 4 year old daughter from a previous marriage and it hurts me when she asks about him. Not only did he walk into my life but he took on the responsibility of a male/father figure to her and she responded all too well. No matter what I say, nothing will bring him back. I want him to just turn around and say that he's sorry for being an emotionally stunted jackass, and I would gladly take him back. But he said, "Not now. I can't see the future so I can't tell if you if will." Great. Furthermore, we've had probably the best sex since we got together and that has come to an end as well. But that's not important right now. What matters to me is that I feel like I've been living a lie. All of these pieces, empty promises and left behinds.... I've never felt so emotionally abandoned and rejected. Before him I felt like I was a nobody. When he came along I finally felt like one again. In my nothing he was everything to me. Now, he can't stand to be around me. Someone please help me. I want this crying spell to stop. OMG..you sound like me..except I dont have a child involved in this. Did you live together? Cry when you need to..I do...grieve because you need to. I am going through hell myself. But now I am being too clingy with him..and its not working.. I am hanging onto any hope..where there is none. Maybe someday..but who knows. You just need to keep coming on here..talking to family and friends...get it out. Do not be alone.
AlektraClementine Posted January 21, 2009 Posted January 21, 2009 Was this truly out of the blue? Weren't there any signs at all? I'm sorry for you and really sorry for your daughter. I have small children myself and I know how much it hurts when they're affected. What kind of relationship (besides the sex) did the 2 of you have? Any problems?
Author Lady Sinistar Posted January 21, 2009 Author Posted January 21, 2009 Yes. I've asked all of his friends, co-workers.... It started off with the potential to "fix" it, but that's where I screwed it all up. He said he never meant to hurt me. *lip service* We never had any real problems. Here's the biggest defacto: Last week when he told me he didn't love me, I went and slept on the floor in my daughters room. I woke up at 6 am crying. So I went for a 2 hour jog to clear my mind. I then called up my best friend whom said that he's probably cheating on me. So I gently went in to our room and asked him if he was and that was when all hell broke loose. I went after his cell phone, was going through it and he grabbed my wrist. I tried to pry away from him and we struggled throughout the hallway. He had ahold of my robe and I took it off and made a beeline for the front door. He came a-charging and slammed the door to prevent me from leaving and he put me in a choke hold. I then bit his arm, I let go and he did too. I then turned around and slapped him and he knocked me forcefully to the floor. I then called the police and he took the phone a threw it to the floor. The police showed up 10 minutes later and left. Finally when we calmed down, I pleaded with him to get counseling and has absolutely no desire to grow out of his wretched pitiful state. I know this sounds abusive and all, but this is the first time. I know he hates himself for what he did, but he needs to let it go. It's hurting me even more.
Author Lady Sinistar Posted January 21, 2009 Author Posted January 21, 2009 OMG..you sound like me..except I dont have a child involved in this. Did you live together? Cry when you need to..I do...grieve because you need to. I am going through hell myself. But now I am being too clingy with him..and its not working.. I am hanging onto any hope..where there is none. Maybe someday..but who knows. You just need to keep coming on here..talking to family and friends...get it out. Do not be alone. We have lived together for a year. He proposed to me 5 days after he moved in. Now he's sleeping on the sofa and I'm in here, the office, crying and writing on this forum. If we are going though hell, we just need to keep on going through and eventually we'll get through this somehow =D
AlektraClementine Posted January 21, 2009 Posted January 21, 2009 Oh god! Please tell me your daughter did not witness this happening?
Author Lady Sinistar Posted January 21, 2009 Author Posted January 21, 2009 Oh god! Please tell me your daughter did not witness this happening? She was in her room sleeping, luckily.
sinkerswim Posted January 21, 2009 Posted January 21, 2009 We have lived together for a year. He proposed to me 5 days after he moved in. Now he's sleeping on the sofa and I'm in here, the office, crying and writing on this forum. If we are going though hell, we just need to keep on going through and eventually we'll get through this somehow =D I am sorry for you. My boyfriend and I are not fighting like that or anything.. My boyfriend just wants it over between us. After 4 years. I moved here to Illinois to be with him from PA. We are here for you..I will listen and help where I can.
Author Lady Sinistar Posted January 21, 2009 Author Posted January 21, 2009 He and I were like best friends. We did almost everything together.... work out, running, cooking... we like the same types of movies, tv shows. We used to cuddle with each other on the sofa, eat snacks and watch movies religiously. We had a schedule that virtually revolved around him. He was my world and now he's gone on wheels. I feel so stupid. He doesn't even want to talk to me about our "relationship." I told him late last night that if he does change his mind not to hesitate calling me, emailing me... something. But one thing is, is that I will wait but not forever. He seems so unaffected by gesture. In fact he's probably disgusted. I don't know. I'm struggling to drink some water and soldier on. Problem is, is that we are still under the same roof together. He said that at this point we are not even friends. I just wish he'd stop messing m=with my heart strings.
Author Lady Sinistar Posted January 21, 2009 Author Posted January 21, 2009 We moved out to the San Francisco Bay area in hope of a better life, and now I'm moving back to the same apartment complex where I started from. I transferred all of my schooling to that hell hole of a town as well. I don't even know how to move on. I put my faith and trust into him. Now I'm stuck on this house waiting for a 25K loan to go through, but who know with the economy the way it is. As soon as it goes through I'm outta' here. I think that by being gone will make me feel better over time... I just wonder who is the one who is really going to be left behind wondering who we were. And honestly, I don't think he ever will come back. I'd like to be positive to believe so, but it'll never happen. That's the reality of it that hurts. I want him back. I want him to want me, to love me the way he used to.
durotto Posted January 21, 2009 Posted January 21, 2009 OK .. something is seriously wrong .. You need to sit down and think things through .. there must have been some signs which you overlooked . coming home late not talking enough, ignoring you , normal instincts which you must have missed . Right now you are not thinking right .. but you need to get a hold of yourself .. and start thinking with your head instead of your heart .. we are here for you ..
Author Lady Sinistar Posted January 21, 2009 Author Posted January 21, 2009 One thing I have noticed is how we have grown apart over the past 3 months. I was completely ignorant to it now that I see. But i still can't stop crying. I pray to God, or whatever the power is, that he will have an epiphany and ask for me back.
IcemanJB Posted January 21, 2009 Posted January 21, 2009 You need to get away from this guy. There is absolutely NO EXCUSE to lay a hand on a woman (unless the woman is assaulting the man). What he did is completely unacceptable, but the problem is you're so attached to him that you're blind to what his actions mean. I know this will go against every one of your instincts right now: but you need to get away from this guy for awhile, no matter what it takes. Who pays rent on your place? (Or whose place is it?)
Author Lady Sinistar Posted January 21, 2009 Author Posted January 21, 2009 He tells me, "You think I'm not affected by this? Do you know how hard it is for me too?" How can you just throw something away? To me true love isn't something that you "fall" into. You either have it or you don't. You can't "fall" out of something if it wasn't there to begin with. To me, you never stop loving that person IF you truely loved them from the start.
Author Lady Sinistar Posted January 21, 2009 Author Posted January 21, 2009 You need to get away from this guy. There is absolutely NO EXCUSE to lay a hand on a woman (unless the woman is assaulting the man). What he did is completely unacceptable, but the problem is you're so attached to him that you're blind to what his actions mean. I know this will go against every one of your instincts right now: but you need to get away from this guy for awhile, no matter what it takes. Who pays rent on your place? (Or whose place is it?) You are right. But I feel like I was the aggressor. Everyone tells me I'm not, but I feel like I provoked him to the tipping point. He's being cold and calloused, but not in every way. He's paying for the moving truck, the deposit on the apartment, and a large chunk on my credit card. I guess that's the consolation prize because the price was right. *sarcasm inserted here* We are both on the lease. He told me that if I don't leave he will. He then stated that he's going to talk to our landlord to see if he can't grant an exception to break the lease without the credit damage. Eh, anyways. I know it's not healthy for me and I know that he's going to feel nostalgic about me later on.
Author Lady Sinistar Posted January 21, 2009 Author Posted January 21, 2009 You need to get away from this guy. There is absolutely NO EXCUSE to lay a hand on a woman (unless the woman is assaulting the man). What he did is completely unacceptable, but the problem is you're so attached to him that you're blind to what his actions mean. I know this will go against every one of your instincts right now: but you need to get away from this guy for awhile, no matter what it takes. Who pays rent on your place? (Or whose place is it?) You're right. He does not respect me. To him I am to be used and abused. There is a lost sense of honor and I hope that one day he'll find himself.
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