lizardking86 Posted January 21, 2009 Posted January 21, 2009 My gf and I have been dating for 3 years. About a month ago we got into a fight and she broke it off. I didnt contanct her for a week and then she came to my house sobbing about how she still wanted me to be her friend and in her life. Honestly I treated her kind of coldly but did tell her we could be freinds. A week or two later I went to Florida for a month. While there we exchanged two txts 1) happy new year 2) Merry Christmas. When I came home is when the emotions really hit me. I had to stay in our house and everything in my life around home had to do with her. We ate lunch everyday together, we did everything together. When I got a chance to look at things in retrospect I felt really awful for not taking note of the things that were important to her. She said we were done because we fought, but she really does argue with everyone she know. A little history about us I'm 22 shes 23 we dated for 3 years. I was her first lover, kiss, boyfriend, best friend etc. She has one friend that lives in NY and a sister whom I also used to date but she is on my side with this thing. Anyways after about a month of being broken up I break down, go to her house cryying and feeling awful. She acts kind of indifferent about it. Then calls me the next day and says she wishes we could just date and do special things together but she cant because she has already made her decision. She keeps changing her mind as to wether she wants to be with me or not. She has said that I am not important to her, she will never be with me, she wants to be with other people etc. However this is all new news to me considering she has no friends, I was her best friend, her parents think she is stupid for dumping me and so does her sister. Anyways on sunday I went out and bought her all her favorite fruit and food and authentic russian imports (shes from russia) I know this is all stuff that she thinks is important. With a boquet of flowers I dropped everything off at her house, not five minutes later was it back on my doorstep. She says she wants space. I dont understand why she would leave me. I love her more than anything and now that she seems sure of it, she walks all over my heart and says things to really hurt me. She lives with her parents who are my friends and that is it. She goes to school and home never out. Will she miss me. If I stop being clingy will she come back? Its driving me mad how much I love her. During our relationship she always chased my affection and now that she has dumped me I am chasing her. Ive done everything I can do besides NC to get her back. She acts like she is totally over me and could care less, but I dont beleive her. We spent almost every day together for 3 years, I was her first everthing. HELP! Advice please!
Zammo25 Posted January 21, 2009 Posted January 21, 2009 My gf and I have been dating for 3 years. About a month ago we got into a fight and she broke it off. I didnt contanct her for a week and then she came to my house sobbing about how she still wanted me to be her friend and in her life. Honestly I treated her kind of coldly but did tell her we could be freinds. A week or two later I went to Florida for a month. While there we exchanged two txts 1) happy new year 2) Merry Christmas. When I came home is when the emotions really hit me. I had to stay in our house and everything in my life around home had to do with her. We ate lunch everyday together, we did everything together. When I got a chance to look at things in retrospect I felt really awful for not taking note of the things that were important to her. She said we were done because we fought, but she really does argue with everyone she know. A little history about us I'm 22 shes 23 we dated for 3 years. I was her first lover, kiss, boyfriend, best friend etc. She has one friend that lives in NY and a sister whom I also used to date but she is on my side with this thing. Anyways after about a month of being broken up I break down, go to her house cryying and feeling awful. She acts kind of indifferent about it. Then calls me the next day and says she wishes we could just date and do special things together but she cant because she has already made her decision. She keeps changing her mind as to wether she wants to be with me or not. She has said that I am not important to her, she will never be with me, she wants to be with other people etc. However this is all new news to me considering she has no friends, I was her best friend, her parents think she is stupid for dumping me and so does her sister. Anyways on sunday I went out and bought her all her favorite fruit and food and authentic russian imports (shes from russia) I know this is all stuff that she thinks is important. With a boquet of flowers I dropped everything off at her house, not five minutes later was it back on my doorstep. She says she wants space. I dont understand why she would leave me. I love her more than anything and now that she seems sure of it, she walks all over my heart and says things to really hurt me. She lives with her parents who are my friends and that is it. She goes to school and home never out. Will she miss me. If I stop being clingy will she come back? Its driving me mad how much I love her. During our relationship she always chased my affection and now that she has dumped me I am chasing her. Ive done everything I can do besides NC to get her back. She acts like she is totally over me and could care less, but I dont beleive her. We spent almost every day together for 3 years, I was her first everthing. HELP! Advice please! You don't know what you've got until its gone. A harsh lesson for the dumpers to learn. Maybe my ex will realise this one day but I doubt it. Is she does ITS TOO LATE.
Author lizardking86 Posted January 21, 2009 Author Posted January 21, 2009 I really want her back. I need someone to help me do that. I know she still cares for me, its like shes proving a point to herself to kick me out of her life.
sinkerswim Posted January 21, 2009 Posted January 21, 2009 I really want her back. I need someone to help me do that. I know she still cares for me, its like shes proving a point to herself to kick me out of her life. I know you love her...I know you do. You are looking for anything to hang onto her..I am doing the same thing with my soon to be ex. I guess we need to let go. Everyone keeps telling me on here to not be so clingy that I am getting desperate..now I am sorry I am. Its hurt when you love someone so damned much and remember what you once had. Something so good and so right. But then somehow..went wrong. Its scary...I know. but from what everyone is telling me..in real life and on here.. Nothing will change their minds...at least for now.
AlektraClementine Posted January 21, 2009 Posted January 21, 2009 Nope. She's not proving a point. Just because she's conflicted about whether or not she loves you, doesn't mean she's going to change her mind. From what you say, you were the sort of boyfriend who took a lot more than you gave. That wears people down. Sometimes it takes a while, but people finally start to fall out of love. You can't just change into the boyfriend you should have always been because she's finally gone! It just proves that you are doing these thoughtful things now in an attempt to make yourself happy by winning her back. If you truly care about her, you will continue to put forth your best effort even if there's nothing in it for you.
Author lizardking86 Posted January 21, 2009 Author Posted January 21, 2009 But I feel like I have done everything. I explained to her how I felt, that I had taken her for granted, we were broken up "feeling" while were together. A lot of it I think was she wanted to move to another state and for me to leave my new successful career for her. Which I am now willing to do. The breakup gave me time to think about what we had and now it seems to late. I really do love her and I dont think she ever felt that, until now, when she apparently doesnt care. She says that I am not important to her but I dont know how that can be. She picks up my every call, and responds to every text and tells me not to lose hope. Then the couple of times I have seen her she has been nothing but cruel and tells me that she didnt think she was giving me false hope. Her sister told me that she wants to be with someone from a different culture/ethnicity. I am caucasian. We loved eachother for three years, and like I said before I was her first everything. Is it possible that maybe she wanted to get together again but my desperation (i.e. buying her things, writitng her letters, doing everything in my power) has turned her away. She says she wants space, but probably to just get over me. I really think she doesnt no what she wants but my efforts are enforcing why she left me. I really did have to tell her how I felt about her. I told her I would marry and move with her, but she said I wasnt any longer what she considered marriage material and that I mean nothing to her. She chased me for 3 years and now when I am forced to realize how much she really means to me, it feels to late. I honestly drive by her house almost everyday, I am sick with anxiety while she continues to tell me how ridiculously happy she is being alone, and all she wants is to focus on herself. I do know that she isnt with or talking to any other guys because she has absolutley no social life. I was her entire world and now she is gone.
AlektraClementine Posted January 21, 2009 Posted January 21, 2009 "Is it possible that maybe she wanted to get together again but my desperation (i.e. buying her things, writitng her letters, doing everything in my power) has turned her away. She says she wants space, but probably to just get over me." People that are truly in love want their SO to show their affection. So my answer to your question is "no". Your gifts and sentiments are what she probably wanted all along. But she doesn't want this from you anymore. Because it's not really about her and she knows that. You're putting in the effort now because you thought the results would ultimately make you happy (by her coming back to you). That's not what she wanted. She wanted you to do things things for her when you had her. Because you loved her and wanted to see her happy.
Author lizardking86 Posted January 21, 2009 Author Posted January 21, 2009 What should I do then. I know that she still cares about me. Always picks up my callls etc. Is the best thing I can do leave her alone? Give her time to miss me? Because honestly we discovered ouselves together. I really do love her and she has been obsessed for 3 years and now she doesnt care. Im even good friends with her 60+ parents, who both care for and like me. I dont see her being happy without me. She thinks she will be, but like i said before she doesnt have a social life and has a very hard time meeting people. I was her first boyfriend at the age of 20/21. I ask her why and she never really has an answer. Now the answer she is giving me is that i took her for granted which is basically what I said in my letter to her. Everyday for years we saw eachother, I really cant imagine her just moving on. I do feel like what we had was worth fighting for. What do people on the board think I should do. P.s I would just be going NC to make her miss me not to get over her. Im not ready for that. Also she fights with her family a lot, (she was diagnosed Bi-polar) but doesnt take meds anymore and I was her support system for when she fought with her family. Now she will have no one to run to for help. I really really want her back in my life. She told her sister that she is being so cruel to get me to move on. It seems to me that she is incapable of forgetting about me if that is indeed her strategy. She says she wishes I would just stop caring.
dazedconfused Posted January 21, 2009 Posted January 21, 2009 This is what you need to do. Keep in contact with her breaking contact is a big nono if you want to continue the relationship. She wants to see the person she fell in love with years ago im guessing after 3 years you grew comfortable with your situation. Ask to do something nice with her dont buy her anyhting, no flowers, food, chocolate. Its not gifts that she wants be a fun person to be around but make the date short so you leave her wanting more. she wants to be with you but doesnt want to settle with you ez enough go do what you know is right u know her better then any of us but dont show her you are weak act like the dump doesnt effect you anymore and when ur with her dont even bring up the relationship she will do it for you thats when you talk about it.
AlektraClementine Posted January 21, 2009 Posted January 21, 2009 What should I do then. I know that she still cares about me. Always picks up my callls etc. Is the best thing I can do leave her alone? Give her time to miss me? Because honestly we discovered ouselves together. I really do love her and she has been obsessed for 3 years and now she doesnt care. Im even good friends with her 60+ parents, who both care for and like me. I dont see her being happy without me. She thinks she will be, but like i said before she doesnt have a social life and has a very hard time meeting people. I was her first boyfriend at the age of 20/21. I ask her why and she never really has an answer. Now the answer she is giving me is that i took her for granted which is basically what I said in my letter to her. Everyday for years we saw eachother, I really cant imagine her just moving on. I do feel like what we had was worth fighting for. What do people on the board think I should do. P.s I would just be going NC to make her miss me not to get over her. Im not ready for that. Also she fights with her family a lot, (she was diagnosed Bi-polar) but doesnt take meds anymore and I was her support system for when she fought with her family. Now she will have no one to run to for help. I really really want her back in my life. She told her sister that she is being so cruel to get me to move on. It seems to me that she is incapable of forgetting about me if that is indeed her strategy. She says she wishes I would just stop caring. Don't you want her to be happy? With you or without you? And a boyfriend is certainly no substitute for counseling and proper medications. My advice is that you should let her be. She's not playing a game here. It sounds like she really does want you to move on. I'm not at all convinced that you care about this girl's happiness. I've said that now 3 times and I don't think you're getting it. You should really think about that.
Author lizardking86 Posted January 21, 2009 Author Posted January 21, 2009 This is my first love. I you saying I should just never contact her again?
AlektraClementine Posted January 21, 2009 Posted January 21, 2009 No. For the 4th time now.. I am saying that you care way more about your own happiness than you care about hers. To truly love her, you need to think of her a bit more. If she's telling you that she wants space and for you to go away, respect her wishes and do something for once that she is asking of you. Are you missing the fact that my point is by you making an effort to actually make her happy without regard to how it makes you feel, you might just stand a chance with this "love of your life".
dazedconfused Posted January 21, 2009 Posted January 21, 2009 No. For the 4th time now.. I am saying that you care way more about your own happiness than you care about hers. To truly love her, you need to think of her a bit more. If she's telling you that she wants space and for you to go away, respect her wishes and do something for once that she is asking of you. Are you missing the fact that my point is by you making an effort to actually make her happy without regard to how it makes you feel, you might just stand a chance with this "love of your life". Dumb Dont break contact like i said thats just pointless and stupid unless you want no chance with her ever again. she cares still obviously or things wouldnt have transpired the way they did.. Just do what I said and win her back or do what this other person is saying and lose her forever
Zammo25 Posted January 21, 2009 Posted January 21, 2009 But I feel like I have done everything. I explained to her how I felt, that I had taken her for granted, we were broken up "feeling" while were together. A lot of it I think was she wanted to move to another state and for me to leave my new successful career for her. Which I am now willing to do. The breakup gave me time to think about what we had and now it seems to late. I really do love her and I dont think she ever felt that, until now, when she apparently doesnt care. She says that I am not important to her but I dont know how that can be. She picks up my every call, and responds to every text and tells me not to lose hope. Then the couple of times I have seen her she has been nothing but cruel and tells me that she didnt think she was giving me false hope. Her sister told me that she wants to be with someone from a different culture/ethnicity. I am caucasian. We loved eachother for three years, and like I said before I was her first everything. Is it possible that maybe she wanted to get together again but my desperation (i.e. buying her things, writitng her letters, doing everything in my power) has turned her away. She says she wants space, but probably to just get over me. I really think she doesnt no what she wants but my efforts are enforcing why she left me. I really did have to tell her how I felt about her. I told her I would marry and move with her, but she said I wasnt any longer what she considered marriage material and that I mean nothing to her. She chased me for 3 years and now when I am forced to realize how much she really means to me, it feels to late. I honestly drive by her house almost everyday, I am sick with anxiety while she continues to tell me how ridiculously happy she is being alone, and all she wants is to focus on herself. ****I do know that she isnt with or talking to any other guys because she has absolutley no social life. I was her entire world and now she is gone.**** And you are asking where you went wrong !.
Zammo25 Posted January 21, 2009 Posted January 21, 2009 What should I do then. I know that she still cares about me. Always picks up my callls etc. Is the best thing I can do leave her alone? Give her time to miss me? Because honestly we discovered ouselves together. I really do love her and she has been obsessed for 3 years and now she doesnt care. Im even good friends with her 60+ parents, who both care for and like me. ****I dont see her being happy without me.**** She thinks she will be, but like i said before she doesnt have a social life and has a very hard time meeting people. I was her first boyfriend at the age of 20/21. I ask her why and she never really has an answer. Now the answer she is giving me is that i took her for granted which is basically what I said in my letter to her. Everyday for years we saw eachother, I really cant imagine her just moving on. I do feel like what we had was worth fighting for. What do people on the board think I should do. P.s I would just be going NC to make her miss me not to get over her. Im not ready for that. Also she fights with her family a lot, (she was diagnosed Bi-polar) but doesnt take meds anymore and I was her support system for when she fought with her family. Now she will have no one to run to for help. I really really want her back in my life. She told her sister that she is being so cruel to get me to move on. It seems to me that she is incapable of forgetting about me if that is indeed her strategy. She says she wishes I would just stop caring. **** . Come on Man read what you are typing. is it any wonder she does not want you back ?.
durotto Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 You do not love her .. I mean you say you do .. but you don't .. Right now it feels in you that you really do love her .. but honestly do you ? She came crying to you .. wanting to be friends .. you said no .. then for a month you did not call and went to florida to spend time there ... now you have come back after such the holiday and you miss not your LOVE but you miss the reassurance of having a girlfriend and you feel lonely .. That is the most selfish thing ever .. Where was all your love in that 1 month in florida ? Why didn't you call her ? You took her for granted and she felt she needed to move on ..
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