footprints Posted January 21, 2009 Posted January 21, 2009 Wife and I are getting a seperation. She has agreed to give me the kids every Fri-Sun evening and visitation pretty much any time. She has agreed to keep the children in a Catholic school and they will be raised Catholic as we were both Catholic when we got married but she now converted to Christianity. But she demands to have sole custody of the 2 children and will not agree to joint custody. What do i have to lose by giving her sole custody? Should i fight this to get joint custody? If it goes to court is their a chance that i could get joint custody? If it helps were from Ontario. Thanks for any and all replies.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 Please do your research and make sure you still get to make decisions that involve your kids' lives. With joint custody she would be the primary caregiver and you only have visitation, and will pay through the nose. She will have control over your money and what to do with it. Shared custody is another option and it is different from joint custody (in Canada). You would get to have the kids stay with you at least 40% of the time, and the courts would be more likely to take your expenses into consideration. My bf got screwed over by his lawyer because they applied for joint custody and he didn't know the difference. Now his kids are suffering because their mom gets all his money and won't pay for anything that the kids need (sports, school functions) and he has no money left. Before the court ordered him to pay so much, he was paying for all their activities, driving them everywhere (she doesn't work or drive), they stay with him close to half the time, and they didn't take any of that into consideration, because it is joint custody, not shared. Don't do anything out of guilt. Don't let her use the kids as leverage to manipulate you. I hope this helps.
mark982 Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 not positive, but her w/ sole custody would mean she could move where ever she wants,half way across the country, so basically paying, and not be able to see the kids. do not go there. demand joint custody.
steveraves Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 I would stick to your schedule, know what's going on in their school, and see them as much as possible. Regarding sole custody... I'm a Father and wanted sole custody of my kids after doing some research on the net. I found that me getting sole custody would be extremely difficult. The courts prefer the kids to be part of both parents lives. Unless she can show and prove that you're an unfit parent her chances of getting sole custody would be extremely slim at best. Something else you should think about if you go ahead and give her sole custody and later change your mind and decide you would prefer a shared custody arrangement you're most likely looking at an uphill battle, and the courts probably wouldn't look at you favorably since you volunatarily gave her custody. Not sure on this but you could also be left out of all the decisions regarding the kids, child support ect. Like others have said, don't do it.
Geishawhelk Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 ......we were both Catholic when we got married but she now converted to Christianity. ....Pardon.....? Catholicism IS Christianity ..... could you be a bit clearer.....? It might have a bearing on her behaviour..... As to the remainder - definitely listen to the others. Doing it her way is a no-no.
monkey77 Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 I am Catholic, and basically you believe that marriage is for life, divorce is not tolerated as it is in some other Christian religions. It is a hard pill to swallow when you are brough up that way. I am sorry Footprints. Everyone who replied is giving you sound advice. Get to a lawyer and chat about your options. Don't do anything without consulting legal advice, you might regret it later on. I hope everything works out for you.
Author footprints Posted January 23, 2009 Author Posted January 23, 2009 Thanks tp everyone that responded and i do plan on fighting for joint custody because i love my children so much and do plan on being their for them in their journey in life and to help make decisions for them or with them. Somebody said something along the lines of not being able to get joint custody if i was an unfit father. I am the furthest thing from an unfit father. When i come home from work i spend every second with my 2 sons. I feed them dinner, bathe them, put on the jammies, brush their teeth, play with them, read them stories and put them to bed. Now my problem lays in the fact that my wife is accusing me of watching porno. How much would the courts frown upon this and could this hinder my case for joint custody. Please help, cant sleep, eat, socialize, or even work properly! But im getting a little better with each day. Thanks
Konfuzion Posted January 23, 2009 Posted January 23, 2009 Unless you are an unfit parent no court out there would not give you joint custody, go fight for your rights.
Citizen Erased Posted January 23, 2009 Posted January 23, 2009 Now my problem lays in the fact that my wife is accusing me of watching porno. How much would the courts frown upon this and could this hinder my case for joint custody. Unless it's something illegal or you're watching it around the kids, you'll be fine. Just be warned, this looks like it will get pretty nasty. Good luck with the kids, you sound like a wonderful father.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 http://www.attorneygeneral.jus.gov.on.ca/english/family/famlawbro.asp There is an informative pdf document available at the above site.
Lizzie60 Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 I just can't believe those threads... But she demands to have sole custody of the 2 children and will not agree to joint custody. What do i have to lose by giving her sole custody? Should i fight this to get joint custody? If it goes to court is their a chance that i could get joint custody? If it helps were from Ontario. Why not get a consultation with a real lawyer instead of posting on an anonymous Internet forum where you can get all kind of 'false' advices..
pelicanpreacher Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 Although consulting with a lawyer is good advice and that their cannons require them to represent your interests with absolute zealousness remember that some are dumb, lazy, or biased based on their background and legal experiences. Even though the advice presented on a forum like LS can never replace the competence of legal council it can still prove uselful in providing information for information's sake. I, for one, never considered the implications of the differences between shared custody and joint custody so without this forum the OP could have gotten himself lead by the nose by less than competent or zealous council simply because he wasn't aware of the different legal options available regarding custody in a divorce. To that end I say to the OP to keep searching and researching so that when you do sit down with an attorney you have questions you can ask and a better opportunity to assess how zealously your attorney will work on your behalf to preserve your best interests. JMO!
SnapCracklePop Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 Why not get a consultation with a real lawyer instead of posting on an anonymous Internet forum where you can get all kind of 'false' advices.. I could not agree more! Definitely take the time to know your rights. If you want to do some research though, for Canadian residents, here is the place to start: http://canada.justice.gc.ca/eng/pi/pad-rpad/res/divorce/child-enfan.html There is a ton of info on this site. I just started you off at the custody page. Take some time to have a good read through everything. There are also some downloadable guides there as well. Here is the Ontario Family Law site : http://www.ontario.ca/en/life_events/divorce/004445
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