turnshyness Posted January 21, 2009 Posted January 21, 2009 I went on a date last night w/ a girl I met at an online dating site. This is our second date. The day before, I asked her if she can meet w/ me..I got no response...so I followed yesterday morning w/ a text...I had a feelings she's going to flake and she did..I got no response again w/c is weird because we're almost in constant communication. Late in the afternoon all of a sudden, she's available and we met..I met her and she confessed..reason y she flaked on me coz she went out on another date and she tells me the horror date and she's glad to see me...fine by me..took her out for dinner I figure help her out vent out abt her horrible date..gentleman thing on my part..just my principle..anyways it turned out to be a good thing because we ended up hanging out for almost 4 hrs..coz after we grab dinner..we also grab some coffee to hang out and talk. I like her a lot and she likes me a lot too Few things are worrying me though: 1. We're on kinda different life stages although we're on the same age..25 She's a full time nanny, w/c I think is an honorable job...she's one of those students who dropped out college and decided to work full-time trying to find urself etc...so now she's trying to finish her degree. While for me, I'm done w/ college and got my career going w/c so far...i'm doing very well in my field. 2. She just moved in from out of state..kinda like a rebellious move. She’s not really close w/ her folks where as for me I’m very close w/ my folks and sister. 3. If I pursue this further, I’m worried that it might get too serious then I’ll have a hard time like introducing her to my parents and all those stuff. Plus, I’m also worried that she’s never gonna stop “chasing” things around..knowing her pattern of not completing college and switching schools and switching careers all over the place. 4. There’s also a side of me who wants to give this a try. At least I can say to myself I gave it a shot..no regrets..if I get hurt so be it. At least I'll probably learn something and learn more about myself. Plus, I’ve never been on a relationship so I figured “Better to love and lost than to never have loved at all”. There’s also a side of me saying that maybe I haven’t been in a relationship so I’m being naïve, blind, and settling down. 5. I’m also wondering if I’m just a second choice – I hate that feeling especially she confessed on how she just went to a second date. I understand of all about the game and we’re not “exclusive” dating…but you know that feeling. I guess biggest question is – should I pursue this further before it even gets deeper? Just wanted to hear all of your thoughts...
Oliveman Posted January 21, 2009 Posted January 21, 2009 Well what do you have to lose by pursuing her further? You shouldn't feel bad about her going out on other dates...that's completely normal. You should try meeting some new people too...you said you haven't really had a relationship so some more experience in the dating world couldn't hurt. The one thing that kind of stood out to me though was how you said that you went out to dinner and let her vent about her bad date. To me, that's the worst thing you can do. You want her to see you in a romantic way, like a boyfriend, not like her girlfriend. I'm not saying to be insensitive, but change the subject as fast as you can. Otherwise you'll find her saying I like you, but not in that way (the let's just be friends talk) before you know it. Women are attracted to men who act like men, and men don't sit around and talk about their feelings.
carhill Posted January 21, 2009 Posted January 21, 2009 Ask her out again and be specific about the date. If she starts venting again, change the subject. If you feel any chemistry with her, kiss her at some point during the date. I would opine, after many decades of experience, it is probably better to cry in your beer than talk to a woman about how you feel or get into discussions of emotion. Save that for marriage counseling
Author turnshyness Posted January 21, 2009 Author Posted January 21, 2009 Thanks for the advice. The talk abt the bad date experience..she actually didnt want to talk abt it...it was only for a couple of minutes that she vented then we just went back discussing getting to know each other type of questions but I see your point though and I'll definitely take note of it. Thanks again! Well what do you have to lose by pursuing her further? You shouldn't feel bad about her going out on other dates...that's completely normal. You should try meeting some new people too...you said you haven't really had a relationship so some more experience in the dating world couldn't hurt. The one thing that kind of stood out to me though was how you said that you went out to dinner and let her vent about her bad date. To me, that's the worst thing you can do. You want her to see you in a romantic way, like a boyfriend, not like her girlfriend. I'm not saying to be insensitive, but change the subject as fast as you can. Otherwise you'll find her saying I like you, but not in that way (the let's just be friends talk) before you know it. Women are attracted to men who act like men, and men don't sit around and talk about their feelings.
Author turnshyness Posted January 21, 2009 Author Posted January 21, 2009 At some point during the date, I actually asked her if she wanted to kiss me..and she just started laughing for a while..and she said no..I read her body language though..she wanted to..I guess I was just a wuss I didnt make the move but later on I sent her a text message abt it and she said she would have kissed back if I would have kissed her..she just didnt want to be the initiator but oh well...until the next date..it looks like we're off to a third date anyways (hopefully). If not, still oh well...lesson learned and off to the next one right? Ask her out again and be specific about the date. If she starts venting again, change the subject. If you feel any chemistry with her, kiss her at some point during the date. I would opine, after many decades of experience, it is probably better to cry in your beer than talk to a woman about how you feel or get into discussions of emotion. Save that for marriage counseling
carhill Posted January 21, 2009 Posted January 21, 2009 OP, just a bit of friendly advice... Don't talk to a woman about expressions of affection and intimacy. Perform them Doing so comforts her and assures her of your attraction to her and also stimulates nerve endings which go right down to her .....yeah, well, I guess you get the picture.
Author turnshyness Posted January 21, 2009 Author Posted January 21, 2009 Hahaha. Yah i get the picture. Although how do I make sure I'm not too aggressive? OP, just a bit of friendly advice... Don't talk to a woman about expressions of affection and intimacy. Perform them Doing so comforts her and assures her of your attraction to her and also stimulates nerve endings which go right down to her .....yeah, well, I guess you get the picture.
carhill Posted January 21, 2009 Posted January 21, 2009 Simple rule I use, early on. No tongues and no groping unless she initiates. Light caresses on neck and down back to waist are OK. Err on the side of deliberate but soft. If you're unsure, make this your goodnight action. Kiss her deliberately, say goodnight, smile and turn and go. If the chemistry is there, she'll think about wanting more of that.
D-Lish Posted January 21, 2009 Posted January 21, 2009 I's say that if you get the vibe, just move in for the kiss. I was out on a first date with a guy and we were getting along fabulously. Halfway through the date he stood up, leaned across the table, grabbed my face and kissed me. I was super impressed by his confidence.
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