one date per woman per lifetime

[Geishawhelk]

They wouldn't see it as a waste of time. They have to go on 1 date before they can get any idea if there is potential for a relationship to develop anyway.

And what if there is?

It's not like they are going to think I've wasted their time just because I didn't ask them to be my girlfriend after 1 date.

What if they ask you?

You don't even know if the guy would even be qualified for a 2nd date until you've gotten through the first date. So how is that a waste of time?

Because if they get through the first date, and they like you, they are going to be looking forward to seeing you again, only to find that you were just looking for some company for the evening and aren't interested in taking it any further....

 

Unless you feel that every single 1st date that didn't progress beyond that was a waste of time? I thought the purpose of the 1st date is to get an idea if the two people would be right for each other.

But nobody ever will be right for you, because all you are determined to have is one date.

So by your reckoning, there won't be a second date. Even if it looks strongly promising....

 

It's not a waste of time if a guy decides that he does not want a 2nd date. Just as it's not a waste of a guy's time if a woman rejects him after a 1st date. Where do we get the idea that going out on 1 date means that I owe her a 2nd date?

How about owing yourself a second date?

 

What I would do is just get a load of "free meal ticket - One night only! Call this number to book, now!" and hand them to women as they come out of the railway station, or something.

 

They won't want any ties or second dates.

Especially if they're married.

But a free meal is usually welcome.

[chris250]

HUH? Where did I say you should only date for marriage? As people have already pointed out, you're going to be hard-pressed to even just get SEX out of this little deal of yours. So can't get a long-term connection and can't get sex. Just spending money for the hell of it. It doesn't sound like much fun to me.

 

This just reinforces why this plan works well for me because I'm not looking for sex. I would prefer to have a sexless relationship anyway. But that subject is for a different thread.

[fishtaco]

First it's not "wasting time" for the women. He's talking about flirt -> get number -> get 1st date -> disappear. This happens all the time. It's very normal for women or men to disappear without a trace at this point. If it goes to 5, 10 dates, okay, that's a different story because some connection has been built. First date means second date is a maybe, and that's it. Not a guarantee for anything. So I don't see what the big deal is.

 

But to chris250. If you really enjoy spending your money to entertain women, then go for it. Because if all you do is first dates, that's the only thing you'll end up doing. Once in a while you'll get sex, but probably not very often.

 

But you can always go for ONS. Although women that are up for ONS DON'T want to go on dates. They just want sex and then it's time you go away. So you can hit up both. But the trick is to figure out which is which. You treat a potential ONS like you're going to take her out on a date, she'll be gone. You treat a potential date like an ONS, she'll be gone too.

 

If you live in a big city, that's possible. There will be enough single women for you to keep going out on dates with. But you'll be spending effort chasing them down to get to the first date stage, only to bail and start over. It's a lot of work. But if that's what you want, good luck. Dating is like anything else in the world, if you pay attention, you'll get better at it with practice. So eventually you'll probably become pretty damn good at getting dates. But personally I don't see why you would want to do that since your end-point is first date. Seems to me like a whole lotta effort for not much in return.

[Surfer Dude]

If I were you I'd modify that rule to 0 dates per women. You can work a woman without going on a date, showing supplicating behavior and trying to buy your way into her pants. Dates are reserved for women you're already intimate with!

 

During each date with each new woman I will take her out to an italian or chinese restaraunt. I'll be a gentleman by paying for her food, pulling her chair out, opening the door, taking her home, walking her up to her front door, shake her hand and tell her "thanks for the fun time." I'll smile as I shake her hand goodnight and get out of there. No kiss.

During each date with each new woman, I will take her out and put her on pedestal. I'll be supplicating and act desperate by paying for her food, pulling her chair, opening the door, taking her home (but I won't have sex with her), walking her up to her front door, not kiss her because I don't want to demonstrate I'm a sexual creature, but rather a low value man, tell her "thanks for the fun time" even though I had no fun whatsoever. I'll do all those things even though she never deserved any of them, thus I will be further giving away my value. I'll smile as I shake her hand goodnight and get the hell out of there, because I can't stand women and their attention. No kiss, because I don't deserve one and I will pray to gods of fortune that I might've logiced and paid my way into her pants.

 

Man, you need to change your attitudes, NOW. This behavior is extremely unnatractive to women. And then men wonder why women so often say "He's such a nice guy, but let's just be friends".

[Island Girl]

I've read your other threads and I really hope you get some serious counseling.

 

As it stands now you will not have to worry about a second date because if you speak to them the way you write here, about your ideas, etc. Any woman in her right mind would not give you a second date.

 

I am not writing this to create anger or hurt you or anything else of that sort.

 

I really feel from your posts that you are screwed up mentally either by models of relationships that you have had or lack of them - I don't know.

 

You are so incredibly phobic and closed off for someone who has never had any experience with the opposite sex. Your mind is seriously twisted abnormally.

 

A therapist may help you get some things sorted out and at least get you on the right track as far as normal human social behavior. Because you are sadly lacking in social skills.

 

Were you home schooled and kept away from other children growing up? Did you suffer major trauma or abuse?

 

If you are uncomfortable answering then don't. But please seek help. I am so serious about this. You need help.

[chris250]

I'm never going to find a woman who will love me the way I want to be loved so I might as well make it a point to take it no further than a 1st date.

 

At this point I'm relying on divine intervention to change my heart about matters in the dating department. It's going to take a miracle from the Lord.

 

But I'm not hurting any women by drawing the line after the 1st date. I've got a date this coming Friday night. If all goes well and she just happens to ask me for a 2nd date then I can just tell her I'm not interested.

[dreamergrl]

Seriously, you're glass is not even half empty, it's drained and washed.

 

Don't count on divine intervention, because YOU are the only person who can make the changes needed to correct your thought process.

 

You are the only person who can make the choice to open your doors more.

 

Until you are happy with yourself, feel worthy of being loved, and quit closing all the doors in front of you, you really wont be loved the way you want.

 

I pity the girl you are taking out. She has no clue what's going on in your head.

 

If you do all the things you say you are going to do, she's going to have no idea why you refuse to see her again.

 

Do yourself some good, get help for your issues.

[chris250]

Seriously, you're glass is not even half empty, it's drained and washed.

 

Don't count on divine intervention, because YOU are the only person who can make the changes needed to correct your thought process.

 

You are the only person who can make the choice to open your doors more.

 

Until you are happy with yourself, feel worthy of being loved, and quit closing all the doors in front of you, you really wont be loved the way you want.

 

I pity the girl you are taking out. She has no clue what's going on in your head.

 

If you do all the things you say you are going to do, she's going to have no idea why you refuse to see her again.

 

Do yourself some good, get help for your issues.

 

 

This is where I have to disagree. I very much must depend on divine intervention. I don't believe that I'm in control of my own destiny. Whatever happens is meant to happen. I have no say and no free will.

 

It's fine if you think you can pull yourself up by the bootstraps to make things happen. It does not work for me. Not everyone can pull themselves up by the bootstraps.

 

Relationships are not like jobs. When it comes to applying for a job yeah I have to be aggressive and not just sit around and wait for divine intervention. But when it comes to relationships I just let God do all the work in finding a mate for me.

 

I'm obviously on the wrong forum anyway. This forum is only good at kicking me when I fall down. To say that I'm the only one who can change things is oversimplifying the solution.

 

And yes the girl I'm taking out this Friday will know why I don't want to see her again. As far as she knows I won't be interested in a 2nd date. That's all she needs to know. She likely won't care what my reason is for the disinterest in future dates.

[Island Girl]

This is where I have to disagree. I very much must depend on divine intervention. I don't believe that I'm in control of my own destiny. Whatever happens is meant to happen. I have no say and no free will.

 

Yes you do. You are the one who is planning on no second dates. Even if "divinity" sends you someone fantastic who could possibly be your life partner you will make the conscious decision NOT to pursue it.

 

That is your own will. Your own choice.

 

That is you controlling your destiny.

 

Ever heard the joke about the man stranded on the roof in a flood? This is you my friend.

 

It's fine if you think you can pull yourself up by the bootstraps to make things happen. It does not work for me. Not everyone can pull themselves up by the bootstraps.

 

Then you need assistance that a good counselor can provide to help you get to the root of your issues and find a way to experience all that life has to offer instead of the very narrow view of it as you have right now.

 

I'm obviously on the wrong forum anyway. This forum is only good at kicking me when I fall down. To say that I'm the only one who can change things is oversimplifying the solution.

 

You post and refuse suggestions. You have bizarre ideas about relationships and will not concede that you have no experience to base your opinions. You make excuse after excuse as to why you should do what you plan (like the proposing 4 different times thing - that is just ridiculous).

 

So if you continually make excuses and believe you are right in your convictions in the face of all evidence otherwise, who can help you?

 

You want agreement with your beliefs about relationships and what would be good for you and NO ONE in their right mind can agree and support you.

 

And yes the girl I'm taking out this Friday will know why I don't want to see her again. As far as she knows I won't be interested in a 2nd date. That's all she needs to know. She likely won't care what my reason is for the disinterest in future dates.

 

That isn't all she needs to know. She needs to know it doesn't have anything to do with her. It isn't anything she does or says - it isn't the way she looks. It is a decision you have made regardless of who you date or how it goes.

 

Otherwise you may feed insecurities she has and that would be unfair.

 

You aren't about being cruel to women are you?

Perhaps that is some symptom of your fear of relationships? That you do not see women as people as deserving of respect and compassion as you are?

[chris250]

Yes you do. You are the one who is planning on no second dates. Even if "divinity" sends you someone fantastic who could possibly be your life partner you will make the conscious decision NOT to pursue it.

 

That is your own will. Your own choice.

 

That is you controlling your destiny.

 

Ever heard the joke about the man stranded on the roof in a flood? This is you my friend.

 

 

 

Then you need assistance that a good counselor can provide to help you get to the root of your issues and find a way to experience all that life has to offer instead of the very narrow view of it as you have right now.

 

 

 

You post and refuse suggestions. You have bizarre ideas about relationships and will not concede that you have no experience to base your opinions. You make excuse after excuse as to why you should do what you plan (like the proposing 4 different times thing - that is just ridiculous).

 

So if you continually make excuses and believe you are right in your convictions in the face of all evidence otherwise, who can help you?

 

You want agreement with your beliefs about relationships and what would be good for you and NO ONE in their right mind can agree and support you.

 

 

 

That isn't all she needs to know. She needs to know it doesn't have anything to do with her. It isn't anything she does or says - it isn't the way she looks. It is a decision you have made regardless of who you date or how it goes.

 

Otherwise you may feed insecurities she has and that would be unfair.

 

You aren't about being cruel to women are you?

Perhaps that is some symptom of your fear of relationships? That you do not see women as people as deserving of respect and compassion as you are?

 

 

No it's not my own choice because divine intervention would change the desires of my heart. I'm not going to underestimate the power of God.

 

If the situation were reversed and she decided that she was not interested in a 2nd date I do not feel she owes me an explanation for her disinterest.

 

If she agrees to a 1st date I have no reason to assume that she is promising a 2nd date. I would not bother to ask what her reason is for the disinterest because not enough time has been invested together.

 

Therefore I don't think I owe her an explanation after only 1 date. Now if we were already going steady with 3 or 4 dates then maybe I would give an explanation and tell her the truth. The truth being that I don't wish to continue the relationship because I don't want to get too emotionally attached to her and get dumped later.

 

If I feel I'm beginning to get emotionally attached to her then that's the time to bail out. I have just as much of a right to end the relationship as she does. If I feel the need to end it before she has a chance to then I have that right. It's kind of like taking advantage of the opportunity to quit my job before they fire me.

[dreamergrl]

 

You aren't about being cruel to women are you?

Perhaps that is some symptom of your fear of relationships? That you do not see women as people as deserving of respect and compassion as you are?

 

I agree with this completely. OP claims no one will love him the way he wants, yet he is unwilling to love someone. He finds it okay to diminish the other person's feelings and wants just because he can't get past whatever it is that makes him think this way.

[dreamergrl]

No it's not my own choice because divine intervention would change the desires of my heart. I'm not going to underestimate the power of God.

 

If the situation were reversed and she decided that she was not interested in a 2nd date I do not feel she owes me an explanation for her disinterest.

 

If she agrees to a 1st date I have no reason to assume that she is promising a 2nd date. I would not bother to ask what her reason is for the disinterest because not enough time has been invested together.

 

Therefore I don't think I owe her an explanation after only 1 date. Now if we were already going steady with 3 or 4 dates then maybe I would give an explanation and tell her the truth. The truth being that I don't wish to continue the relationship because I don't want to get too emotionally attached to her and get dumped later.

 

If I feel I'm beginning to get emotionally attached to her then that's the time to bail out. I have just as much of a right to end the relationship as she does. If I feel the need to end it before she has a chance to then I have that right. It's kind of like taking advantage of the opportunity to quit my job before they fire me.

 

The sad part about this though, is the girl has no chance for a second date, you've already doomed that. You have it planned that way, and it's not fair to the other person.

 

People fear getting dumped all the time, however they still pursue more because not getting what you want is a part of life, and the end results are much more rewarding.

 

These girls aren't your boss, and they have feelings too, and if they knew your intentions they would not go out with you. Besides, if you had a boss who knew you'd quit before a possible fire (because you don't know what will happen) you wouldn't get hired.

[chris250]

I agree with this completely. OP claims no one will love him the way he wants, yet he is unwilling to love someone. He finds it okay to diminish the other person's feelings and wants just because he can't get past whatever it is that makes him think this way.

 

I never said it was not ok for the other person to not reciprocate interest in me. I just simply made an observation that nobody will love me the way I want to be loved. I was not implying that it was wrong for the other person to not love me. I'm not required to love and neither is any woman required to love me back.

 

I thought it was more important how I act during the date instead of how many dates I ask a woman out on. You think that one date automatically means I owe her a relationship.

[chris250]

The sad part about this though, is the girl has no chance for a second date, you've already doomed that. You have it planned that way, and it's not fair to the other person.

 

People fear getting dumped all the time, however they still pursue more because not getting what you want is a part of life, and the end results are much more rewarding.

 

These girls aren't your boss, and they have feelings too, and if they knew your intentions they would not go out with you. Besides, if you had a boss who knew you'd quit before a possible fire (because you don't know what will happen) you wouldn't get hired.

 

I wouldn't quit my job unless I saw evidence that things were not going anywhere. If I was getting a vibe that I would get fired soon then yes it would be smart of me to go ahead and give my 2 weeks notice.

 

You make it sound like that I have no business dating if I'm not looking for marriage. So in your view only men who are looking for marriage should be dating.

[dreamergrl]

 

I thought it was more important how I act during the date instead of how many dates I ask a woman out on. You think that one date automatically means I owe her a relationship.

 

No, I think that you owe someone that your possibly interested in, that is going out with you to see if they would like to pursue you further, more then just automatically cutting them off at one date.

 

You are diminishing these girls, because they will never understand what went wrong, when it had nothing to do with them.

 

I have a feeling that perhaps you had many attempts at dating, but it never went passed the first date, therefor you rather keep it at that instead of being an adult and deal with life like a grown up.

 

You'll never know if anyone can love you, because you'll never give it a chance.

 

If it was about divine intervention, the whole world would be rid of relationship problems.

 

Sorry, but you are really screwed up in the head.

[Island Girl]

If I feel the need to end it before she has a chance to then I have that right. It's kind of like taking advantage of the opportunity to quit my job before they fire me.

 

And if you had a great job with great money and you quit -- when they were never going to fire you and you would have had the job you love with great pay forever...?

 

But see you'll never know what that is like because you quit before you even get started. You have made the decision before the relationship or dates even happen.

 

It is truly sad how your mind has been warped. I don't know who is responsible but it is abusive.

And now you have a deep fear of connection with another person. You feel you are never going to be given love. Just unconditional love. And there are plenty of women capable of it. And you may even have one date with several. But you are going to give up before you can ever find out.

 

Sad you are such a quitter. Sad that you are a shut in. That you are a hermit in your own head. It is truly sad.

 

But you'll stick to it thinking you have all the answers when in fact you do not. You should talk to your minister or priest - whatever the case may be.

Because you need serious SERIOUS help.

 

And you coming to post your - again - BIZARRE ideas here yet not listen to anyone will never work out for you. You turn a deaf ear - or blind eye - to any advice.

 

So seek advice from one who you look to for religious information - they can provide life advice too and you are in desperate need.

[dreamergrl]

I wouldn't quit my job unless I saw evidence that things were not going anywhere. If I was getting a vibe that I would get fired soon then yes it would be smart of me to go ahead and give my 2 weeks notice.

 

You make it sound like that I have no business dating if I'm not looking for marriage. So in your view only men who are looking for marriage should be dating.

 

No, in my view only people who are willing to act mature enough, and be able to handle rejection should be dating.

 

Yeah, rejection sucks, get the h3ll over it. We all go through it, I have, and do you see me sitting here crying how I'll never be loved the way I want to be? No.

 

Actually, with the job thing, it also could be resolved by finding out what you did wrong to get fired, and attempt to fix the situation. But this only proves that you want the easy way out. You have no backbone to deal with life.

[chris250]

No, I think that you owe someone that your possibly interested in, that is going out with you to see if they would like to pursue you further, more then just automatically cutting them off at one date.

 

You are diminishing these girls, because they will never understand what went wrong, when it had nothing to do with them.

 

I have a feeling that perhaps you had many attempts at dating, but it never went passed the first date, therefor you rather keep it at that instead of being an adult and deal with life like a grown up.

 

You'll never know if anyone can love you, because you'll never give it a chance.

 

If it was about divine intervention, the whole world would be rid of relationship problems.

 

Sorry, but you are really screwed up in the head.

 

 

Actually that's where you are wrong. I've been in 4 long term relationships. The longest one lasted 4 years. I never want to be in a relationship that long ever again for a long long time at least another 40 years.

 

I am already predicting that all women from here on out will dump after 8 dates AT THE LATEST. So ending it after 1 date is a way of protecting my heart.

 

And I really don't care if you think I'm childish for not dealing with these kind of rejections. I have every right to make my life as easy as possible as long as I'm not doing anything illegal.

 

The only thing that would force me to deal with these kind of hardships is if I got drafted into the military and got sent to boot-camp. Maybe that would be the only thing that would make me "grow up" to your liking.

 

My goal in life is to avoid suffering as much as possible in the relationship department. I can handle rejection by friends, supervisors, family members, etc much much better than I can handle rejection from a potential significant other.

[chris250]

No, in my view only people who are willing to act mature enough, and be able to handle rejection should be dating.

 

Yeah, rejection sucks, get the h3ll over it. We all go through it, I have, and do you see me sitting here crying how I'll never be loved the way I want to be? No.

 

Actually, with the job thing, it also could be resolved by finding out what you did wrong to get fired, and attempt to fix the situation. But this only proves that you want the easy way out. You have no backbone to deal with life.

 

Employers have the right to fire me with or without reason. I don't even have to do anything wrong to get fired. They don't owe me a position. Especially with today's economy they have been getting rid of people who have not done anything wrong necessarily.

 

So the best thing to do when I know the company is getting rid of a bunch of people soon is to get out first.

 

And good for you that you are able to get over rejections. Not everyone has to be like you though. You make it sound like I'm not worthy of a relationship unless I deal with rejection your way. Well I'm not you. I have no interest in imitating you. Everyone is different. What is a small problem to you is not necessarily a small problem to me.

[fishtaco]

You are diminishing these girls, because they will never understand what went wrong, when it had nothing to do with them.

 

Disagree here. If anyone, men or women, can't handle being dropped after 1st date, they have no business in the dating scene. It's not his responsibility to babysit the woman. Just like it's not the woman's responsibility to babysit the man. If a woman finds me unworthy of a second date, I'm fine with that, just disappear if that's what she wants. No one is obligated to do anything.

 

With that being said, I don't agree with the OP's one-date only conviction because personally I think it's a pointless exercise. But his divine reasoning behind it actually scares me.

 

If it was about divine intervention, the whole world would be rid of relationship problems.

 

Very excellent point. But religion and logic usually don't mix well together. Unfortunately I don't think he would understand your point.

 

Sorry, but you are really screwed up in the head.

 

Actually I'm starting to think this is a troll.

[dreamergrl]

Disagree here. If anyone, men or women, can't handle being dropped after 1st date, they have no business in the dating scene. It's not his responsibility to babysit the woman. Just like it's not the woman's responsibility to babysit the man. If a woman finds me unworthy of a second date, I'm fine with that, just disappear if that's what she wants. No one is obligated to do anything.

 

 

But he obviously can't handle the idea of rejection, so why should he implement it on others?

 

I don't mean baby the other person by any means, but he is purposely going on these dates knowing that he wont act on them, and I think the other person should know this up front (male or female).

[fishtaco]

But he obviously can't handle the idea of rejection, so why should he implement it on others?

 

I don't mean baby the other person by any means, but he is purposely going on these dates knowing that he wont act on them, and I think the other person should know this up front (male or female).

 

My perspective is that chris250 will appear exactly the same as some other guy that lost interest in her after the first date. As far as she's concerned, she's just doing what normally happens in the dating scene - one scratch off the list, next guy - and have no clue about chris250's questionable religious ideals.

 

At this point no one is obligated to do anything, even a "closure" is considered a nice gesture, but not necessary. I feel like you're thinking in terms of when the connection has grown to the point where you actually care if the person is a hypocrite or not.

 

I don't think he's obligated to say anything. If a woman at a bar flirts with me, but she only wanted to flirt because she's bored, does she have to declare that she doesn't want a date? No, we flirt, and eventually I'll find out when I push for a date. How about a woman that gave me her number but had no intention of calling me back? Does she have to declare she's only doing it to get me off her back? Nope, I find out later when she doesn't return my call. Well first date is only one step away from getting someone's number, and as far as my experiences have told me, still fall under the "no obligation" area.

 

I'm not saying I agree with chris250's methodology, in fact I think he's a troll, but from the woman's perspective, no harm no foul, all in a day's worth of dating happenings.

[dreamergrl]

My perspective is that chris250 will appear exactly the same as some other guy that lost interest in her after the first date. As far as she's concerned, she's just doing what normally happens in the dating scene - one scratch off the list, next guy - and have no clue about chris250's questionable religious ideals.

 

At this point no one is obligated to do anything, even a "closure" is considered a nice gesture, but not necessary. I feel like you're thinking in terms of when the connection has grown to the point where you actually care if the person is a hypocrite or not.

 

I don't think he's obligated to say anything. If a woman at a bar flirts with me, but she only wanted to flirt because she's bored, does she have to declare that she doesn't want a date? No, we flirt, and eventually I'll find out when I push for a date. How about a woman that gave me her number but had no intention of calling me back? Does she have to declare she's only doing it to get me off her back? Nope, I find out later when she doesn't return my call. Well first date is only one step away from getting someone's number, and as far as my experiences have told me, still fall under the "no obligation" area.

 

I'm not saying I agree with chris250's methodology, in fact I think he's a troll, but from the woman's perspective, no harm no foul, all in a day's worth of dating happenings.

 

I do understand what you are saying, I really do. I just truly think if he's doing it for the reasons he states, he should just hire a hooker. H3ll, at least he'd get laid.

 

I don't see the point in expressing interest in someone, when you know it will go no further. I look at dating as a way to find someone you want to be with, even if it's not real serious, or your not looking for something real serious off the bat.

[chris250]

I do understand what you are saying, I really do. I just truly think if he's doing it for the reasons he states, he should just hire a hooker. H3ll, at least he'd get laid.

 

I don't see the point in expressing interest in someone, when you know it will go no further. I look at dating as a way to find someone you want to be with, even if it's not real serious, or your not looking for something real serious off the bat.

 

That's just the thing. I don't want to get laid. So getting a hooker would not work for me.

 

I look at dating as a way to have fun on the weekends. What's wrong with that? I just want someone to have fun with after a hard week's work. Why can't I reward myself on the weekends with dates? It makes the workweek more worthwhile.

[dreamergrl]

That's just the thing. I don't want to get laid. So getting a hooker would not work for me.

 

Actually you could buy an escort, there doesn't have to be any sex, then there is no commitment, no worries about rejection, none of that.