Goatsbreath Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 So today is Day 2 NC and I uncovered some unnecessary pain. Well, there was a 12 day NC followed by a 11 day NC so this is my third attempt. Today while on my computer I went into my favorites and seen a shopping cart I saved when I was with my ex. She was on a lingerie site looking at underwear and bras and I was telling her which ones I liked. Well she put them in a cart and I said maybe I will get those for you. I mean she was even asking me which ones I liked. Well shortly after that I went into her email account to fish out a Digg password I sent to her....she gave me her password and I seen a order from the lingerie place. I asked her, did you order those. She acted upset that I found out and told me it was going to be a surprise. I told her well it still will be when I see you in them and was excited but she seemed less so. Then a few days later she said she canceled the order because of money or something. I was sad but didn't make to much of it. Now I see this order still there and I click on it and it takes me to the site. I don't know, It was nostalgic. So in order to see the items you need to log in so I type her email and the password which was always my name for everything followed by some numbers. I do it, does not work. I do it again, nope. So then I think, no she wouldn't have but I type it. I type this other guys name with the numbers and bam. It works. Needless to say my heart sank. This order was all the way back from Oct 16th and we only now broke up officially I guess sometime start of december. She sat there with me and shopped for underwear and ****, got my opinion for something she was going to where to **** some other guy? WTF.....who would do that? What kind of person? So now all the way back to October I find myself realizing that even though I knew there were problems and we said we were going to try and work on it. She was never serious about any of it. She never worked on it and I know that now. This just hurts more now. This hurled me into a emotional roller coaster and I ended up driving over there with the rest of her crap and was going to give it to her and confront her about this. She wasn't there which is for the best so I just left her stuff at the door and left. So nothing bad came of this and now that I'm calm I am glad I didn't see her. Basically I just left some stuff that is better off my hands so I don't have to deal with her. Right? I don't need to confront her on this..........silence is best? Keep NC?
neverlost Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 How do you know she didn't choose that lingerie because she liked the same ones you did? If the lingerie was for another guys benefit, she wouldn't have choose the ones you liked. She might have changed the password recently too, and not when you were still with her? I can't imagine someone making you choose stuff when she was getting it for someone else. It may have been nostalgic, but it never is in a good way when it is so close to the break up I have places like that, but I dare not visit them for a long while. I know it will only tear me apart. I don't think it will go well contacting her to mention a lingerie order, I'd go for NC again. You'll just be opening your heart up. Hmmmm :-| -neverlost
Author Goatsbreath Posted January 20, 2009 Author Posted January 20, 2009 well because she has not changed her email password I have been able to get into her email. There was no change in password confirmations from this site. Im pretty sure the reason she didn't proceed with the order was because I knew about the order and I would be wondering where it was when it was meant for someone else.
Geishawhelk Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 hey, dumbklutz.....! You did this because..........?
Author Goatsbreath Posted January 20, 2009 Author Posted January 20, 2009 i know Im dumb.....trying to understand why and how not to be
Author Goatsbreath Posted January 20, 2009 Author Posted January 20, 2009 precise moments of clarity surrounded by complete dumb ass
neverlost Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 The site might not send a password change confirmation, or it might have and she has deleted it. And if she was that cold to be ordering when you are there, she probably would have gone through with the order and showed it to both of you. Someone who doesn't care to be cheating like that, to me, wouldn't care much about if you saw her in it or not. The other guy wouldn't know either. But both of these are speculation and you don't know the absolute truth. Would you feel better if she told you this was the truth? Would she tell you the truth? Probably not for both of them. I find we usually like to think the worst, i'm thinking my "g/f" right now is out laughing and enjoying herself with someone else, when she could really just be in her room alone doing her university work. But if it all true about the lingerie, yeah, I'd be really pi**ed off, but I don't think you will achieve much by bringing it up now I did that all once to an ex after we had parted, she never replied. Haven't heard back from ehr in 2 years now. You've already done so well -neverlost
Geishawhelk Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 i know Im dumb.....trying to understand why and how not to be have I told you about this guy.....? he developed the theory of operant conditioning -- the idea that behavior is determined by its consequences, be they reinforcements or punishments, which make it more or less likely that the behavior will occur again....
Author Goatsbreath Posted January 20, 2009 Author Posted January 20, 2009 I know geishawhelk but is it possible that discovering such travesties can help one get to the point of wanting to get over their X. I mean It more or less infused me with anger in which I used to rid myself of belongings of hers that I more or less was hanging onto for a future run in. Now there does not have to be a meeting to exchange crap, she has it. I wish I could accept things easier but if someone is feeding you false hope (ie."they were going to be a surprise for you but now I'm sending them back because they are not a surprise and I have less money in my account then I thought) when truthfully, hope is disguised as her infidelity its hard. When I speak of hope I mean back then, I don't wish for that now. I just wish she had been more truthful. I know you think to wish the best from her neverlost, that she wasn't doing this but I don't. This was at a time where our relationship was already unstable and even though she was saying she wanted to work on it she was not responding. I would try to have sex with her during this time and she would always refuse so it was a bit of a surprise when she started looking at lingerie. I mean, I wasn't just trying sex, she would come home and I would have candles going and try to dance with her and she would turn the lights on and tell me shes tired from work.
Author Goatsbreath Posted January 20, 2009 Author Posted January 20, 2009 neverlost, I think your right about bringing it up. At this point what does it matter. I hope I can remember that if she does contact me. Although, at this point if she contacts me Im hoping I just will not answer. I really should not talk to this girl. yup
cabarc1 Posted January 21, 2009 Posted January 21, 2009 OMG, please don't spy on her. I have a key to my ex's house and am allowed to go as i please (aslong as he is not there, it's in both of our names and i told him he could keep it since he paid every dime on it..see how great i am?? lol) Anyways, i had the bad habbit of going over there and stealing his bank account statements before he got to them and everytime i read them, i just wanted to throw up!!!! I would ponder on them for days. I'd see where he has been eating at with that girl,although they are all new places, i noticed he hasn't taken her to any place he and i regularly ate at. I've seen things he has bought. Sometimes when i go over there, i will notice where he has packed his things to go stay with her over the weekend. I told myself finally to STOP, because even though he said he doesn't rule us out, he made it clear that he is going to take a good while before he decides what's best for him. Point is, i always left there crying and back tracking when it came to healing. Another reason why you shouldn't spy is because if she did decide to come back one day, and you took her back, you are going to remember those "things" you uncovered and it's gonna burn you inside. It's best you just not know! It's so addicting though. Don't confront her about it because she is gonna be pissed, i made that mistake once and all he did was make me feel horrible......
Author Goatsbreath Posted January 21, 2009 Author Posted January 21, 2009 yeah, im a bit mad at myself for doing it and im going to stop. I realize it dont matter really, it is what it is. Nothing has really changed for me knowing this, the situation is the same. Its over.
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