Author ivy777 Posted January 23, 2009 Author Posted January 23, 2009 In the very start ,in the very beginning any relationship is just so beautiful,so romantic,so warm , even if after some time the Two will find out that they did not match that much, anyway at the start of the relationship all is just like a fairy tale . And now knowing that he cheated on you at that very "fairy tale" while moment, it makes me doubt what he will do in 3-4 years,in 6-7 years ,in 9-10 years of your marrige ... Think over this carefully . I just saw this part in bold...it is the opposite of what most others are saying on here and I have to say, I think it's a nice thought but I actually don't agree. This is exactly the kind of hollywood "love at first sight" business that Clv talked about. I don't want to argue against my feelings (I was obviously hurt to find this out) but I don't think that the beginning is just like a fairy tale for most people. Sure, when you are falling in love with someone you experience some great memories and events, but that doesn't mean you are committed. You cannot be really committed (and shouldn't be) to someone you don't even know. And you cannot know a person that well after a month. Sure, you can have a talk about being sexually monogomous for health reasons, but the underlying commitment to longevity should not be there after that short of a time. I would worry a lot about him cheating on me if he had been sleeping with other people after three or four months when we were seeing eachother all of the time. But I am not worried about that at all since (as En has noted), he has been completely faithful for the last 3 years. I think that in order to preserve what you are talking about above, Adri, you have to either (a) not sleep with the person until you are "in a relationship" already, or (b) have the monogomy talk before you start sleeping with them, even if you do not know them enough to fully commit. Those are what I should have done. Not that it is my "fault." He wishes he had not gotten drunk and tried to flex his "single guy" muscles (no puns please) and hooked up with a girl who he never would have dated, but who was throwing herself at him, and was also totally loaded. But, he was drunk and resisting getting into a relationship. And honestly, I was playing so hard to get in setting up dates, etc, that he was pretty confused as to how interested I was in anything but the occasional romp in the hay. Thus, I think this problem that I have in being insecure and not liking that he slept with this girl is not because he missed out on the "honeymoon" phase, but because I didn't set us up to have one. Really, really not a good decision (on either part).
You'reasian Posted January 23, 2009 Posted January 23, 2009 He wishes he had not gotten drunk and tried to flex his "single guy" muscles (no puns please) and hooked up with a girl who he never would have dated, but who was throwing herself at him, and was also totally loaded. But, he was drunk and resisting getting into a relationship. And honestly, I was playing so hard to get in setting up dates, etc, that he was pretty confused as to how interested I was in anything but the occasional romp in the hay. Thus, I think this problem that I have in being insecure and not liking that he slept with this girl is not because he missed out on the "honeymoon" phase, but because I didn't set us up to have one. Really, really not a good decision (on either part). Good analysis. Playing hard to get can backfire, especially on a straight shooting, Alpha male. They might take it as disinterest and then decide to go about doing what single males do... show interest in a male interested in you = good play hard to get, distant = misleading
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