emotionalydistraugt Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 This is a recap of my story if you don't know it. If you don't please take the time to read, if you do then please help. We dated for 3 years and we were always serious about marriage and everything. She's a year younger then I and I went off to college to pursue football and a degree. Well she stayed at home and worked at a doctor's office. She had a solid income and started paying for just about everything in the last year of the relationship. I payed for everything the first two years and I couldnt do it anymore because all my money was going towards school. Well in october my sister got married and she went with me and alot of marriage talk started between me and her and my family. She always said she didnt want to get married young and I told her I understood but I still did want to marry her at some point. In november I started to not be able to get ahold of her when we were suppost to hang out and I got really irratated. I would yell when I finally got a hold of her because I was afraid she had died or something. Well one weekend I didn't get a hold of her and I stopped trying. I later found out she had cheated on me with some guy during this weekend and she had been hanging out with him this whole time. I told her I didn't want to break up that I could forgive her for what she had done but she would have to gain my trust back. I told her I would manage my anger better and I would come home more than what I was and start paying for things again. She never really committed to this agreement and the weekend I came home from break I saw her once and we kissed but she said it was wierd. I called her later that night to talk and we talked like old times. I asked if she wanted to hang out later in the week and she said OK. Well she renigged and hung out with this other guy again. That was the final straw and I stopped talking to her. I asked if I could get my stuff back and I would stop by to get it. I never did because I couldnt bring myself to do it. I cut off all contact for a month. Then earlier this week a friend told me she was in a relationship with someone and it hit me hard. She had already moved on from me. Two days later she contacted me and told me her grandpa had cancer. I told her how I'm sorry to hear that but she should be talking to her new boyfriend about it. SHe said she still loved me and always would no matter what. I didn't say it back I just said I wish I felt the same and ended it there. I've tryed eliminating her from my life as best as I can. I don't call I dont message her, I blocked her from facebook, myspace, and AIM. But I still think about her all the time. Whenever I try to sleep she's there, in my mind. I still want to hold her in my arms. I want what we used to have Should I contact her? I want to ask her whether or not this new relationship is worth ruining something we could have. I honestly think we can make this work. I keep rationalizing what to do but all I can think of is the only reason I want to be with her is because of the love and security she provides me. So should I contact her or not. Is it better for me to wait to see if she contacts me again, which I doubt she will, or should I step out on a limb and try and win her back?
DSM-IV Tom Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 Ok. YES, you should contact her. YES, you should try to reconcile with her right now. YES, you should try to meet up with her and hang out. YES, you should try to talk to her about this. YES, this is going to end EXACTLY as you want it to. YES, this is going to have a happy ending. YES, you two are going to get back together and never break up EVER again. YES, you two are MEANT for eachother! YES, it's your DESTINY to be together! F your logic and the fact everyone on this forum has told you what to do thus far! YOU'RE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER! This is what you REALLY want to hear, right? GO FOR IT! You're gunna crash and burn worse than Obama.
Author emotionalydistraugt Posted January 20, 2009 Author Posted January 20, 2009 I just wanted other people's opinions also. Thank you tom. I know how you feel. And I am trying to gather as much advice as I can so I can do what's best for me. Thank you
Geishawhelk Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 Should I contact her? No. I want to ask her whether or not this new relationship is worth ruining something we could have. Don't. You are questioning her reasoning which might as well then read "were we worth it at all then?" I honestly think we can make this work.No, you're so desperate to make it work..... I keep rationalizing what to do but all I can think of is the only reason I want to be with her is because of the love and security she provides me. No, this makes you needy and desperate. She won't be the last, but you have to be open to new things.... So should I contact her or not. I told you, No. Is it better for me to wait to see if she contacts me again, which I doubt she will, Well if you doubt she will, you know why that is. And if she has good reason to not contact you, that means she doesn't want to talk to you. or should I step out on a limb and try and win her back? Step out on a limb is putting it mildly. Step off the cliff-edge would be more accurate. And - No.
lkjh Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 GO FOR IT! You're gunna crash and burn worse than Obama. Maybe but not as bad as good ole Bush did!
DSM-IV Tom Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 Lmao emotional sorry I had to try something new. But ok, I will withdraw myself and study peoples replies... although I know what they will be. Just like my girl geishas. And lkjh, bush never really crashed and burned. A lot of issues facing us during his presidency had NOTHING to do with him. (9/11). We all wanted blood on 9/11, we all wanted war. And the economy crashing really stemmed from clinton. If you understand presidencies, then you know the current president suffers for the last ones mistakes. Clinton got us a surplus at the price of knowing full well it would crash not long after he left, due to many of his empty signatures he signed on things. He didn't care, because it made him look good. And before you think I'm just a republican defending anyone, I am registered Independent and always have been. Obama will fail, and Bush failed because of Clinton and 9/11. Idiocy prevails in the USA. Sorry, though, not trying to hijack the topic. I emplore everyone to ignore my post. Stick to the topic at hand
neverlost Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 The love and security she provides you with? By CHEATING on you? I appreciate people are different. I'm in a situation myself right now. But honestly, if a girl cheated on me and then got into another relationship as much as it hurt, I absolutely would not chase after her. She treated you like DIRT yet you are CHASING AFTER HER? Please, don't contact her. Your chances are slim to non she is going to just drop this guy and get back with you. And if she did, you'll always be looking over your shoulder at every guy she talks to. I know it's hard, really hard. But have some respect for yoursef, find someone who isn't going to cheat on you, because when that girl did, you were the last thing on her mind. She felt no guilt or sorrow when it happened, you simply didn't matter enough. Would you fight to win someone like that back? I certainly wouldn't. -neverlost
Author emotionalydistraugt Posted January 20, 2009 Author Posted January 20, 2009 I just want to stop thinking about her. She's always in my head. I loved her so much. I was going to marry her and now she's gone and I fear it's for good.
Author emotionalydistraugt Posted January 20, 2009 Author Posted January 20, 2009 Am I wrong to think that she's doing this because she's young and she doesnt want to grow up too fast. Because I think part of the reason she chose him over me is because of my wanting to get married.
Geishawhelk Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 I just want to stop thinking about her. She's always in my head. I loved her so much. I was going to marry her and now she's gone and I fear it's for good. You fear right. Because even if you got back together, you'd never be able to get this out of your mind. This would eat away at you like a rodent on cheese..... So you'd be just as much in agony together over what she's done, as you are now - over what she's done.
neverlost Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 She is in your head right now, but she wont always be. In my opinion, yes, YES, young relationships do not always last. My partner is younger, and I always said you'll change a lot. She of course said she wouldn't, but she appears to have changed now. I don't believe she "choose" him over you because of your wanting to get married. If you think that way, you'll only blame yourself. But some people will get scared by that, I would suggest "engaged" to me it shows a big commitment but at the same time, people don't feel bound by the chains of marriage when young. In harsh words... she isn't doing anything nor is she choosing people over you, she simply doesn't want to be with you I know how it feels, or how those words sound. My first girlfriend I dated for around that time and she was a year younger, one week after breaking up, she was out there partying. This was just before Xmas too, I felt the world had ended. But I learnt to breathe again, and yes, I am very glad it happened because I met someone so much more beautiful. But sadly, history is repeating itself. But maybe, just maybe, the next one might be even more beautiful still. Just hang in there -neverlost
Geishawhelk Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 Am I wrong to think that she's doing this because she's young and she doesnt want to grow up too fast. Because I think part of the reason she chose him over me is because of my wanting to get married. 1st, 3rd, 6th, 8th, 11th, 13th, 15th, 16th, 18th.... and now this thread. Don't you think you're obsessing a bit? You have posted a new thread about this nearly every 2 days. I think you need to understand a couple of things: First of all - IT IS OVER. Read that bit again. Until it computes and the penny drops. Secondly: The more you obsess and plaintively cry, and go on about this - the less you actually permit yourself to start healing. You know what? You're contacting us, instead of contacting her. But as long as we keep feeding your pain, you're going to stay stuck exactly where you are now. So you have to start thinking about letting go. Moving on. Healing. leaving it here. And NOW. Quit talking about her. It's doing you no good. You need to realise it's a done deal.
durotto Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 I clearly remember saying that this was over to you .. hmm .. Dude it REALLY is over .. but you need closure .. She cheated on you .. and you tried to get back ... Give yourself a pat on the back for that .. but can you really trust her ? I mean really trust her ? Just imagine her kissing someone else in the noon while you are away to office and she kisses you in the evening and says I love you .. Really ? NO .. she does not LOVE you .. She says love but she does not mean it . How much more will you hurt yourself over her ? I also think that you need to talk to people about her and your relationship and I mean someone real and physical talk . I am sorry but you may be offended by what I say .. but why don't you go to church or somewhere even a park and just sit there and think .. You will be so surprised by what you can find out by listening to yourself in the quiet and solitude .
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