ebohasxyears Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 First off, I've been reading these posts for a while but haven't commented but now I feel a need too because I have my own little issue. =) I'm 23, Bi and got a problem with a very good friend of mine who I've recently found out has tendencies towards the other side of the fence. He's admitted his curiosity but refuses to come to terms or identify himself. I am ok with that and respected his boundaries and won't bring it up anymore. He knows I'm bi but is disgusted by that. Since then we haven't talked about it and still are close friends. As of recently however we were both put in a situation with a group of friends that was potentionally extremly akward for a normal straight guy. While on vacation a group of us (Myself, Himself and Three other girls) went on a weekend drinking binge (sounds good from the begining doesnt it? Don't worry it doesnt go that way.) and somehow the night ended around the pool swimming at 3am. We thought it was empty when we got there but behold it was not, there was two flaming, drunk gay guys swimming there with there shorts off. I'll save the gory details just to say they were walking around in their glory and not to mention hitting on my friend. Ofcourse i'm fine with all this but I was worried how my friend would react. He seemed to be ok however he kept saying things to me like "Tell them I'm straight." or "Whats wrong with them, thats disgusting." while we were alone. Needless to say I kept my two cents to myself and told him to just ignore them. Obviously I had a world of other things to say but I kept it under my hat so to speak. My question is whats the proper way of handling this kind of situation? Would it have been ok to run my mouth? Should I have ignored it like he did? Thanks for your replies all. P.S. Just occured to me to ask, I know there are two sides to this argument so for my amusement I want to get the census of the people here. Should I continually pry about his sexuality as to get used to him hearing it? I've already decided to respect his boundaries but I have friends who think otherwise. Give me some new material to keep them at bay or argue against it.
Geishawhelk Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 I think you need to back off and give the guy his space. he obviously has difficulties coming to terms with his issues, so it's best to lay low. Also, saying he's "disgusted" by your bisexuality means there's an aspect of you he dislikes or mistrusts. Each time you talk to him about it, he's assuming you're working on him with an agenda, which makes him even more resistant. Vis-avis the "pool party"....? If he'd felt really disgusted by it, would it not have been more logical to leave? And Etiquette doesn't come into it. if this is a Hotel pool, and there are drunken gay guys sporting all - someone should have complained to the management, or alerted someone official.
2sure Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 As your know yourself, being bi does not automatically make you a potential partner for gay people. Its totally different and not always a given. Its possible that although he is interested in same sex , he so far thinks of himself as bi, because he is just as interested in straight people. It sounds as though he also is so far, unsure. If gay guys do not interest him , it would be wrong to "out" him as a potential partner because he isnt. He is aware that you are comfortable with his sexuality, either way. Being supportive and encouraging him should not include "forcing" him out. Your support and encouragement should only give him the courage to make his own decisions.
Author ebohasxyears Posted January 20, 2009 Author Posted January 20, 2009 Geishawhelk..... I think I should have mentioned that I outed myself to him before I let on that I knew about him. I dont think that he feels that way but rather it's a self-defense mechanism. I had not been open about my sexuality for many years and a reaction to someone outing themselves is naturally Knee-Jerk Reaction "Disgusted" or "Freaked out". But I agree that it's best to ignore situations like this when they arise. Nobody was disgusted by the floundering display which is why we didn't call managment. Besides no one asked for them to put their clothes back on =) Thanks for your reply. 2sure..... Interesting insight, I've always considered the talk of sexuality with him taboo but if it does come up I'll try and be more supportive. Thanks for your help.
steveraves Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 Needless to say I kept my two cents to myself and told him to just ignore them. Obviously I had a world of other things to say but I kept it under my hat so to speak. My question is whats the proper way of handling this kind of situation? Would it have been ok to run my mouth? Should I have ignored it like he did? Thanks for your replies all. P.S. Just occured to me to ask, I know there are two sides to this argument so for my amusement I want to get the census of the people here. Should I continually pry about his sexuality as to get used to him hearing it? I've already decided to respect his boundaries but I have friends who think otherwise. Give me some new material to keep them at bay or argue against it. My understanding of what your asking is whether or not you should've spoke up for him to these guys that were hitting on him. No. He's a big boy and has a mouth. He can do it for himself. In regards to your relationship with him... Since he is uncomfortable with the whole gay/bi issues it's best you keep that to yourself and not bring it up unless he does.
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