kiki30 Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 Okay this one may seem easy, but hear me out! So I met this guy, being naive sometimes I stroke up a conversation cause I remembered him from a class years ago, at the end of the conversation he suggests we exchange info. I bump into him, two weeks later he suggests that I call him... I do..no response, I bump into him again two days later he apologizes and we have chit chat... Anyway since then he admitted to me via email that his ex walked out on him..etc...and he is starting his life over. I get it so, I am nice about it, tell basically good luck with all of that and sign off. Since then he has been emailing me every now and then, even came to my work to visit me. I still figure he is on some variation of a rebound and I happen to be one of 3 girls he is using in some way to fill his time. Anyway spending time with him was actually kinda cool... but again I am trying to maintain distance. He basically called me once briefly, and since then he keeps initiating emails every two weeks or so, once again this week he sent me another and invited me to something he is helping organizing. So, my question is when a dude is on the rebound, what good is emailing me? I don't get it, it seems like he wants me to remain interested in him, keep a long of distance, spend time with me once in a while, and then that's it, no telephone communication, and acts a tiny bit territorial when other dudes are around. Is this just game for 2009? geez!
Trialbyfire Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 Some men have this herd instinct where they collect women who seem to be interested and who might be of use at a later date, for whatever their reasons of not being of interest now. Imagine a stallion with his little herd of mares, alphamare and the rest of the herd. Want to play him? The next time he emails you, don't respond or respond with a couple of words, very cool. Don't let him end convos. You be the one to end the convo. Do this a few times and it will trigger his pursuit instinct, if he's at all interested. Of course this isn't guaranteed to work on someone who's not the least bit interested or someone who's overly-sensitive. If he's the overly-sensitive type, he'll see rejection and run away. You know him best.
Author kiki30 Posted January 20, 2009 Author Posted January 20, 2009 thanks tfire, i think you may be spot on. The last email I sent was not but a few words he asked me for someone's info then, I merely responded to his request nothing more. Then he invites me to this thing and asks me some unnecssary question about something else all clearly designed to extend the convo or to gauge my reaction. He thinks he a stallion alright, but this girl ain't one of his admiring fans, i find him becoming increasinly irritating to me. Well I wonder why his ex left him, hmmmm. Self absorbed maybe.
boxing123 Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 The guy is hurting from a break up and A. You struck up a conversation B. You called him It does not seem playing some game, or any game will work. He was open and honest with you about where he is at. He is not "collecting a herd" lol..After all, you were the initiator. Just because he does not want to date, might be confused, or is rebuilding his life and does not want to talk yo you everyday does not make him some player.
Author kiki30 Posted January 20, 2009 Author Posted January 20, 2009 Hi boxing 123, I appreciate your response however, 1. When I struck up a conversation, I made no attempt to prolong it, I shook his hand and said nice meeting you. He asked me for my information (knowing his situation, I did not). 2. Two weeks passed and I saw him at an event, he approached me and struck up the next conversation (knowing his situation) and asked me to call him. 3. I waited and called him, saw him again (he apologized and engaged me in conversation). All the while he was acting in no way which would indicate to me that hey this guy is going through something....until he blurted everything out by email. Since then, I told him cool I understand... and I do. I have no further expectations, however he keeps emailing me and has visited me once at work by his own initiation and now is asking me to come to an event. My question is what is this guy up to because, he has made it clear he is not ready yet he keeps trying to keep me interested, he never really calls except once but keeps sending me emails.
boxing123 Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 Kiki It seems strange to me. You go up to him, and HE asks for your information. He never called. You see him again, and then he asks you to call him? Why doesn't he just call if he wants? You gave him your information already. Call about what? He then saw you at an event and said hello. So? He did tell you what he went through. He might just want a friend, or someone to talk to sometimes. He never asked you out on a date. He never made a move. It does not seem like he ever made an overt suggestion about dating you. Does not seem like he is some type of player. Seems like a guy with other things on his mind. Sometimes if you go through a break up you don't exactly know what to do.
Lauriebell82 Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 My first instinct was that he thinks you are playing "hard to get." It's the whole "thrill of the chase" type deal. Emailing/texting is less intimate/personal then calling. Maybe he is interested and doesn't want to freak you out by calling all the time. Now the flip side: He may be trying to speak with you in order to try to forget about his ex. He may not be interested in a relationship, but maybe he is trying to occupy his thoughts with you. On the rebound probably. We can all guess what is his deal, but you are the only one who can find out for sure. Tell him you'd like to be friends and find out his response. Or if you don't want him to talk to him period then you could just tell him to stop contacting you. It all depends on what YOU want really.
bean1 Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 He's throwing crumbs, don't waste your time picking them up! Perhaps he is still damaged from his previous relationship, but why should you accept crumbs when you had nothing to do with that? Talk to men who are willing to sweep you off your feet, they are out there, but you can't find whem when you have a hope for a lukewarm guy.
Enema Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 I hate talking on the phone and avoid it whenever possible. Might just not be a phone-talker.
Author kiki30 Posted January 22, 2009 Author Posted January 22, 2009 thanks guys, for the advice my gut instinct is telling me that he wants to keep me interested just in case ... so yes giving me crumbs... i am attempting to friendzone him, cause i am already turned off... there is no hope changing that.
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