I need help with a girl I really like!

[ozzyisgreat15]

[font=times new roman][/font][color=black][/color]hello, i have a problem. First I should tell you that I live in a small town where everyone knows everyone, especially in the high school. I really like this girl and have known her for a little over a year. I talked to her twice the first year (i still had a major crush on her). Now I'm starting to talk to her on AOL. She still doesn't know I have a crush on her.

 

Recently, all my friends (I have a lot of them for living in a small town) found out I like this girl. They are all encourageing me to persue her and trying to help me but I am having a hard time. I know I should get to know her first, though.

 

This brings me to my problem. I love talking to her online but in school I am so nervous I can hardly make I contact with her let alone talk to her. I have been trying to work up the nerve to carry on a face to face conversation with her but it seems impossible. It's driving me crazy!!! I can't get her out of my mind, and she's all I talk about. But i feel like i have no chance of her liking me. (Many other guys like her, but shes completely oblivious). My friend that has known her a long time thinks she has never had a boyfriend. I was playing cards with her and two other people in study hall and I didn't talk to her once. I don't even think I made I contact with her! We have things in common and I really enjoy talking with her on the internet but I really need to know how to make eye contact with her.

 

Utterly Distressed,

Ozzy

[yes]

Some suggestions:

 

1 - try talking to her when u'r alone - perhaps you'll be more comfortable if it's just the two of you. why not take her out for a coffee? take a walk w/ her, that way you can look ahead, and there's no need for eye contact.

 

2 - visualize having a good conversation with her. never underestimate the power of visualization - if u imagine yourself stammering and her just giving you a look and leaving, that'll happen. if you imagine yourself talking to her, albeit with a shy smile, and her responding nicely, it's much more likely to happen.

 

3 - if she takes the time to talk to u on AOL, she probably has SOME interest in you. again, asking her to join you for coffee is the way to find out how much interest she has.

 

that's all i can think of right now... Don't sweat it - you'll have many more crushes in your life - just breathe deep and enjoy the thrill =)

 

-yes

[ozzyisgreat15]

[font=times new roman][/font][color=black][/color]

thanx yes, i appreciate your input. i live in a small town and there is really no where to go to get anything. all we have is a gas station and a convient store. but i like your idea about a walk. it not just the eye contact thing but its the going up to her in school and asking her to go for a walk. but your advice is wonderful and much appreciated. i will try what you said and post what happens.

 

thanx,

ozzy

[yes]

you could ask on AOL if she wants to go for a walk and arrange for a meeting time/place.

 

you could get some ice-cream from the convenience store and take a walk - just say that you enjoy chatting with her online, and wanted to chat in person as well. If that goes well, you can later make plans to go to the nearest town or city togther, if possible.

 

take it easy and let us know how it goes,

-yes

[Ziggue]

Does she know that it is you are the person that she is talking to on the net?

[ozzyisgreat15]

to clarify, she does know who i am and sees me in school everyday (she has the locker next to mine, and i'm in 5 of her classes)

 

another problem i have is that so many other (more popular) people like her. I think she is going to find out i like her soon because the news has spread quickly that i like her. and during science today my friend (he's very, very good with girls) kept saying her name and then pointing to me and her (implieing for us to get together. He did this a number of times, i drove me nuts. But as usual she was clueless. I found out from her best friend that she knows of three people that like her (theres many more) but it doesn't seem to "bother" her. One of the people that likes her has been talking to her a lot (but he's a dumbass, so i don't think i have to worry about him). but everytime i see him talking to her i get the urge to pound him into the ground. also, her talking to me on AOL is not really a big deal because she talks to everyone.

 

I think I'm going to have to make my move soon, before someone else does. My friend told me not to get to be to good of friends with her, or else she won't date me. I wonder if he's right about that???

 

I appreciate the help,

Ozzy

[Gaz]

It is true that you can get seriously lost in the "friend zone". It's been my experience in the past that the stuff you see in movies - guy and girl hang out together, have lots of fun, end up doing some activity or another where they fall over, end up face to face, the music plays and they kiss - is crap.

 

Okay, if I were in your position, here's what I'd do.

 

First of all - the friend who's good with the ladies? The one who keeps shouting at her and then pointing at you? If he does that again, club him with a baseball bat. That's not helping.

 

Second. You need some self confidence, my young padawan. Women in general are attracted to men who are confident, secure, and in control of things. So what you need to do, is swallow that fear down. Fear itself really is the only thing we have to fear. Lemme put it this way. Let's say you talk to her, and make a complete mess of it. And to be honest, I don't see that happening, since you seem like a cool kid, and she obviously thinks that too, or she wouldn't be talking to you even on AIM. But if that were to happen, then technically you'd be no worse off than you are now - I mean, it's not like you guys are making out, or dating at the moment, right? In fact you would almost be in a better position than you are now, because you'd have "closure" on the situation, and you'd stop obsessing about it. And if you weren't obsessing about it, you would most likely act a lot naturally around her too. Of course better yet is you talking to her, and things going WELL... either way, the outcome would leave you in a better situation than you're in now, right?! So believe me when I tell you that it would be for the best if you talk to her face to face.

 

Okay, you say you have good rapport through your AIM conversations. What do you guys talk about online? Pick the three or four things you talk about the most, and have them in mind when you meet her. Probably the toughest things on a first date is the "awkward silence", and you've already got the tools to beat that. See, you're already way ahead of the game.

 

So far you've realized that you must do what must be done, you've armed yourself with topics of conversation, and things are going well. Is it time for you to make a move? Nope, not yet. Walk before you can run. Hang out, build the confidence that way, and at the end of it, leave her with a wink and a smile. Flirt, but play it cool a little bit. You say that this girl has a bunch of blokes chasing after her, well this will be what sets you apart. If the subject of dating comes up (dating in general... if it's dating between the two of you, then ignore me, you're in!) laugh and say "Yeah, I heard you got a bunch of guys chasing after you!" then make a joke.. "It sucks, because none of the guys chase ME!!" She'd most likely laugh it off, say "Nah, not that many are chasing me" to which you slip in the oul compliment of "Well, they're morons then, because you're smart/funny/beautiful/etc." and then you back off a bit. Two steps forward, one step back.

 

Just remember what I said - real life isn't like the movies, so under no circumstances should you gush forth your feelings to her. Walk her home, and when you get there, if you sense the moment is right, gaze into her eyes for a second - if she smiles and holds eye contact, lean in slowly for a kiss. If she instead says something like "What, do I have crap on my nose?" Just laugh it off, and tell her that you just noticed how nice her eyes were. If no kiss, that's no big deal, tell her you had a lot of fun spending time with her, and you'd like to do it again. If she says yeah, then repeat the date, and chances are you'd get a spot further at the end of date two.

 

Good luck with this, Ozzy, just be confident in yourself, don't push too hard, and I'm totally sure this girl will be yours.

[ozzyisgreat15]

thanx for the great advice. I'm gonna talk to her tomorrow, for sure. I will keep you guys updated on how its going. I also found out she loves blonde jokes (i learned tons of them), she doesn't like guys who swear (i've stopped all together), and it helps if you get an inside joke going with her. I've thought of a good inside joke... me and her were at a dance and danced together, we both aren't excellent dancers (well i'm not anyway) so i'm gonna build off that.

 

thanx again,

ozzy

[ozzyisgreat15]

i think i've run into a entirely new set of problems (which may be the root problem). When ever i try to talk to her i seem to freeze up, physically unable to talk to her almost. I know that i should, and would be better off, but i just can't do it. for instance, today i had two GREAT opportunities to talk to her, but i wussed out.

 

I need some ideas on how to fix this problem. PLEASE HELP

 

thanx

ozzy

[Gaz]

It's human nature, man, you're scared because there's a chance she'll say no, and nobody likes rejection. You just gotta convince yourself that the risk is worth it, and give it a shot. You've already proven that you can act in her presence, as was proven by the fact that you danced with her. So all that remains at this point is to suck it up solidier, and just do it.

 

Hell, if that doesn't work, gimme her AIM name, and I'll talk to her myself!!

[yes]

if you freeze up and can't talk - that's fine - talking is overrated. you could just walk alongside her, for e.g. or just smile. it's ok if she sees that you're not very comfortable around her - chances are, she'll know it's a sign of you liking her.

 

good luck,

-yes

[gocubsgo]

hey kiddo-

want a girl's point of view?

 

fyi: we are just as scared as you are about dating and all that stuff!

 

i've been out of high school for quite some time (ok not that long!)

but i will tell you. this girl sounds like a hot prospect for a number of

guys. and if you don't jump at the chance and talk to her, you just might lose

her for good.

if i knew a guy liked me (and trust me, she already knows) and he never even got

up the courage to speak to me, i wouldn't waste my time on him.

i know it's scary, but you just have to get over it.

 

don't wait until you get invited to her wedding for crying out loud!

 

and your friend is just embarrassing you so tell him to shut up.

 

if she was utterly opposed to you asking her out, she would have found a way to get

that info to you! (via your mutual friends)

at least if i was in high school that's what i would do.

 

so, if you haven't heard otherwise, you're pretty much in the clear.

green light, buddy.

just talk to her! you don't have to ask her out on a date just yet!

good luck

[ocean size]

exactly. dont start freaking out about stuff before it happens (i should take my own advice, heh)

 

just concentrate on having a cool conversation with her and forget about the whole date thing. hey, if you're lucky *she* might ask you on one!

[Behrman]

Ok, this exact, I mean EXACT same thing happened to me last year.

 

Let me tell you through expierence, getting to know her on AIM was your first mistake. I'll tell you how I ended up because of it- a very big pansy, who hasn't talked to her (even online) since 6 months ago. I currently have a girlfriend though- and I fixed my mistakes from before. I first talked to her online, but only AFTER I talked to her in real life. You have to get to know her, if you don't, she'll never actually be comfortable around you in real life. It's normal for people our age to act a bit differently and more open online. You have to realize this; just because she likes you online doesn't necessairly mean she likes you in real life. Some may beg to differ, but trust me, I know this from expierence, and I don't want anybody else to have to go through the same crap I did. Theres always that chance that she may like you offline, but she would of attempted to talk to you if she did, most likely. The only way your really going to win her over is ditching AIM and talking to her in person. It's your only real choice, unless she wants to date your AIM personality, but I doubt she would because computers are bad kissers

 

AIM is fine AFTER you get to know her in real life, just to expand your relationship, but you need to make that intial effort to get to know her in real life first, or there will be nothing to expand upon. You need to understand, that just because somebody likes you online, doesnt mean they like, or even acknowledge you, in real life. Now, currently, I have a girlfriend. I talked to her first at a high school football game- that opened up communication between us and formed a basic frame for our relationship. Afterwards, yes, I did talk to her on AIM. BUT, we knew each other in real life as well, which made our conversations even better. We weren't afraid to hang out with each other at school, or on the weekends, because we knew each other in person AND online. If I were to of just talked to her online, I would of been goofy and stupid, just like I was before to the girl that I missed out on. I am goofy and stupid every now and again, but I can also be serious around when need be, because I know how she'd react to it. Your scared of how she'll react to you; you'll never know until you try.

 

Internet is useful, but only in building upon already formed relationships, not starting brand new ones. You can never have a serious talk on a beach at night with a girl on the internet, you can never see a girl smile on the internet, you can never hear her when shes hurt, happy, or angry. The internet takes away from many human emotions- that's why it's so easy to talk over it. You don't need to worry about how she'll react, because if she doesn't want to talk, she'll just say "BRB" and not reply. No worries. If you get to know her in real life though, she will be forced to do SOMETHING if you try and talk to her. Chances are she will open up eventually, you'll become friends, and then form a relationship. If she doesn't however, ditch her and find someone else, theres plenty more in your high school

 

Good luck, and remember- make your move NOW. If you don't, she will not know the real you, and you will never have any chance with her. I know how it feels, and I know it sucks that you can't say anything to her face. You have to though, and remember to use the internet as a relationship builder, not a starter.

[ozzyisgreat15]

Damn, this is a lot to think about. I did talk to her (I realized it was like jumping into a swimming pool and that you can't think about it). I agree with the not talking to her on the internet, thats a mistake(besides i like talking to her in real life better anyway). My best friend is starting to talk to her all the time, and likes her. I think this is a bunch of bull****. I'm gonna try to talk to her as much as i can, without being annoying. I'll post a reply the next time something good happens (or bad )

 

thanx for the advice,

Ozzy

[subtitled]

hey dude, i'm also at school and i would say that most people our age find it very nerve racking to take the plunge and get to know someone we like. I sure do, and i think if you remember that the girl is probably also quite nervous in specific situations then you'll feel better. She may not be nervous around you right now (although she might just be able to hide it well), but that doesn't mean there isn't potential for her to get to know you better and start feeling something more.

 

I don't think there is any one strategy for getting yourself to have some confidence other than using what impulse you have in the situation and just killing that little voice in your head that anticipates everything before it happens. Just say what you want and get it out - it will feel very liberating, even if it doesn't go perfectly, at least you embraced the opportunity. You never know if you don't try.

 

Also, some people have a rule of 'mates before dates' and, if your friendships are being destroyed by the pursuit of this girl, i would think more about the long term, and consider the friendships you don't want to lose over what is only a short term possibility. Not to say that it might have long term potential

 

Take a gulp of air and go for it - as we get older and we start having success in these matters i'm sure it will become a whole lot easier.

And remember -

don't be too hard on yourself, either if it goes wrong, or if you're finding it hard to 'compete' against these other boys. You are your own person and there is no need to define yourself by a girl.

 

Good luck! and keep us updated!

[Anonymous]

first of all, i read all the comments.. and i agree with most except for the online talking bit..

past experience proved to myself that talking to a girl you like online opens up the door to talk to her more comfortably in person.. if you're anything like me, you get hella nervous talking to this girl in person.. but once you do, it's downhill from there because it will just be easier and it's reaaal good to joke around with her, but not to the annoying point.

I like this girl right now as a matter of fact, i'm 21.., she's 19 but that doesn't matter.. i've known her since grade 10. She was one of my good buddies gf's at the time, I didn't think about liking her at the time because she was my homies gf..right? lol but awhile passed.. and they broke up. awhile passed again, we're still friends, didn't talk to her very much but if i saw her again it would still be on good terms, she soon started hanging around with my friends and i was starting to fall for her.. but so was my OTHER friend.. so we liked her at the same time, and i made the mistake of not gettin' my feelings to her in time before my other friend.. and they got together. It was a little sad, but no hard feelings.. they went out for like 2 or 3 years, but she knew i liked her and we flirted even while she was with my friend.. we were at my friends house (the friend that dated her first when i first met her) it was a party celebrating my birthday and her birthday cuz her b-day is a couple days later than mine.. so it was a combined party.. she was stressing out for some reason so i asked her if she wanted to take a walk.. we were drunk.. we walked n talked.. coming back to the party i told her i had a present for her.

we stopped walking and turned to each other.. and i closed-kissed her on the lips.. i dont remember her reaction or what she said right after but we walked a little bit more and she stopped and asked if we could do it again.. i was like.. yes! lol and we ended up frenching for a minute (i know.. baaaaad)

we talked on MSN and she would sometimes tell me that she wished she chose me instead of my friend.. which is always good news to hear that.

Some time later, they break up.. and now it's my turn to step up to the plate and hit a grand slam. But i got something you don't, i know she wants me..

im a good-looking guy i have to say, girls like me what can i say? So we are now makin' out but now that i know im so close to this girl, it makes me nervous, scared you could say.. of what? im not sure i wish i knew. My best friend is a girl.. and her best friend is the same girl so we hang out alot.. we sleep together, we smoke weed together, we drink we do lots of stuff together.. we had sex a couple weeks ago, wasn't the best on my part but im not gonna get into that.. i'm facing a problem. She thinks that i don't show her i like her as much as i say i do, and won't go out with me until i show it.. i gotta show affection or some ****, i thought i was.. but i guess not enough. But i still find it hard because i'm getting nervous now that it's close..

 

So, I can give good advice about my own problem.: be a man. conquer my fears, and go ahead and just do it! don't sit there and think.. "what happens if i do something and doesn't go the way i want?" i got this girl right where i want her.. and i need to close in for the kill.

 

Ozzy, this may or may not have helped you.. but im seriously feeling like you right now.. quite similar, just talk to her.. your heart might be beating like CRAAZY or you might be breakin out in sweats but you gotta do what you gotta do, and what you gotta do.. is GET THAT GIRL.

 

Thx for listening,

Anonymous

[stewy]

well i to had the same problem and when i got the strenght to ask her ot it was to late if i were u i'd play with wat u got for it pal good luck