I cheated on my bf of almost 6 yrs...here's my story...

[samsungxoxo]

Wrong. She is still IN the relationship. And she's NOT telling the BF about her affairs. Wow! Try reading the thread next time.

 

Ok now come to think of it, what type of dummie would be telling their SO's what they did behind their backs, unless you're a ''Nothing but tell the truth so help you god'' person type then lol. But see nowadays you hardly ever hear those that fess up to their deeds, instead it's more likely they will either get caught in the act or their lies. Might as well get used to it, not everyone will have your mentality of how you perceive morality, integrity.

[Ramrod]

I don't have to get used to it. I find like-minded individuals and have relationships with them. People with no moral code or conscience are a dime a dozen these days, if your a everybody is doing it, so I may as well type, that's fine, if that's the way you want to live, so be it. I have a code which I live by, and so do others. I'm not saying I m right your wrong, I'm saying my way is right for me. If this woman thinks she's paving the way for happiness than anything I have to say, regardless of how often or loud I say it should be just static and noise. If what I say bothers you, ask yourself why? Hmm...

[Dexter Morgan]

......I had no idea we had a Professional Reader of Relationship Problems....with years of experience you could have certianly given me better advice than that .......First of all, why don't you stop reading about other peoples' lives and live your own....second, if it bothers you so much DON'T READ IT and don't post me crying about it. I certainly couldn't care less if you would dump my "azz".... what exactly would you be dumping because I'm not familiar with your verbage....silly me, that must be some fancy word you learn over at the college right? "Reading about Peoples' Lives 101"....loser.

 

This kind of response when faced with the truth shows why you are a cheater in the first place.

 

I don't know why it's so hard to get some USEFULL advice, everything is either "break up with him" or "tell him".....black & white.....I really don't know who made up this rule

 

You don't want to hear that advice and shun it as not useful because you simply don't want to do those things. Thats because you are thinking only of yourself, not the person you cheated on.

 

I can tell you that because the truth was kept from me years ago, when I finally found out, I realized that because she got away with it then, she got away with it other times.

 

Not only that, I could have saved myself years off my life and was denied the choice to end it long ago. You are denying him that choice if you don't tell him. I would have been furious with her then, but I highly resent the hell out of her now because of all the years I won't get back.

 

So the reason to tell him or to break up with him is told by people who have more than likely been affected by cowards who didn't fess up.

 

 

I don't have to do either one because they don't fit into my relationship

 

No, they don't fit into your convenient plan of making this easier on you.

 

 

those are general things you tell everyone, they're in no way specific to me or bf or our relationship so i don't feel like i HAVE TO do either one. I will do what feels right for the benefit of my relationship and whether i want to do both or neither it's my decision.

 

Of course it is your decision. People will tell you to tell, people will tell you not to tell. Nobody is holding a gun to your head.

 

But your decision to keep him in the dark is selfish and if he finds out later, watch out. And don't think he won't find out. My X thought so too.

 

 

One more thing......I don't think ANY of you realize that:

 

1 - i'm NOT married

2 - i don't even live with my bf

3 - i have NOT been in touch with the OM

 

 

1 - so?

2 - so what?

3 - while admirable, by not telling him, you got away with it. Congratulations!!!

 

 

....basically, save yourself the energy and don't tell me to break up with my bf or to tell him about what happened.

 

Oh we can save our energy now that we realize you won't do right by him.

 

I feel sorry for this guy.

[Dexter Morgan]

Ok now come to think of it, what type of dummie would be telling their SO's what they did behind their backs

 

The type of person that wants to get away with it unscathed, the type that wants to deny their SO the choice of what to do with their life, the type that won't learn a damn thing from what they did because there are no consequences(especially since she didn't regret it).

 

Basically the selfish kind of person that will keep their SO in the dark until the next time they cheat because they know they can get away with it.

 

I lost 8 years of my life because my X didn't have the guts to come clean. Thats 8 years of my life I'll never get back.

 

not only that, because she never told me, now two precious children were caught in the crossfire and their lives uprooted.

 

 

 

Might as well get used to it, not everyone will have your mentality of how you perceive morality, integrity.

 

oh I think we know that all too well. There are alot of selfish people in the world that will go on being selfish. I feel for the people that they are snowballing.

[samsungxoxo]

The type of person that wants to get away with it unscathed, the type that wants to deny their SO the choice of what to do with their life, the type that won't learn a damn thing from what they did because there are no consequences(especially since she didn't regret it).

 

True it is a good point, then again telling will not necessary guaranteed that they will want to work it out with you. They can send you to hell right away just like they would if they find out and/or catch you on it. In the end it's kinda like the same response as when they find out themselves. So yes, there's always the 50/50 chance of second chance giver v.s. nonforgiver.

 

Oh and sorry to hear about that 8 years wasted, I'm sure there're always nice women for you Dex still out there. So how about if she would have told you herself?? My guess is you would have still file for divorce, so it would not really make much of a difference.

[Dexter Morgan]

True it is a good point, then again telling will not necessary guaranteed that they will want to work it out with you.

 

Thats the whole reason why they should tell. Otherwise they are robbing the other of the choice to decide how to live their life.

 

If someone doesn't tell out of fear they will leave them....then the reason to not tell is selfish and only serves their own interest.

 

 

They can send you to hell right away just like they would if they find out and/or catch you on it.

 

Yes, but how long will that be? In my case, it was 8 years later. 8 years of my life being wasted and a lie. I'm not a big fan of wasting what little years we all have on this planet.

 

 

Oh and sorry to hear about that 8 years wasted, I'm sure there're always nice women for you Dex still out there.

 

I'm sure there is too, but I'm not concerned with whether I land someone or not. I'm enjoying my time with my children and reconnecting with buddies and doing what i want, when I want.

 

 

So how about if she would have told you herself?? My guess is you would have still file for divorce

 

Well when she could have told me, we wouldn't have been married, I'd have cancelled the wedding and told her to move out.

 

so it would not really make much of a difference.

 

It would have made all the difference in the world. wasted years, 2 children now whose lives she is screwing up...etc.

[Squirtal]

Spot on Dexter.

it is all about choice and having that taken away is horrible.

Plus when you find something out like that yourself, without being told you start questioning whether the whole relationship was a farce for the whole time.

And 90% of the time people who have cheated are found out..intuition, male and female is an amazing thing.

And hey at least your kids have you Dexter, and from all I've read, you seem a pretty sorted person and your kids are very lucky to have you.

[Dexter Morgan]

And hey at least your kids have you Dexter, and from all I've read, you seem a pretty sorted person and your kids are very lucky to have you.

 

thats the only thing keeping me going, knowing that they have a great loving home to come to if they realize in the future their mother isn't doing right by them.

[Spectre]

No, there is no rule that says you have to bang a bunch of people. However, I would not get married to the first person I have slept with or dated. That is just naive. It is good to experience different people on many different levels. I also believe in non-exclusive dating until something becomes serious. So many people settle for being in long term relationships with people who are not right for them.

 

So, Blacklace, get out there and enjoy the world! Date lots of people and learn from your mistakes. You are not a bad person!

 

It's equally naive to assume a large list of sexual partners translates into some sort life experience or some BS like that. It's one thing to be weary of settling down with someone, it's another thing to sort of blame your cheating on the fact that you haven't been with many other people. If you're truly happy and in love, you don't need to experience other people. In other words, no reason to ruin a good relationship because you feel you haven't banged enough strangers, it's cliche. If you wanna live life, go bungee jumping or something.

 

Also, if this chick is going around cheating on her bf, flat out saying she doesn't feel bad about it, and refusing to tell him? She IS a bad person. Sure, she's no Lex Luthor, but nice honest people don't act the way she is.

 

To be perfectly blunt: She comes off like a whore who doesn't care who she hurts, as long as she gets her way.

[lkjh]

So what's wrong with not being a virgin in marriage. Frankly I careless about the whole wait till marriage issue. Fact when I was a virgin, I didn't care about waiting either. If you end up losing it to a loser, well there're still good apples.

 

So you assume that those that marry virgin, will always be the ones with happily everafter story endings??? Now that's sooo naive....

 

Don't change what I said. I never said you have to wait till marriage. I was replying to the poster claiming that first loves can never work.

[dsuhiti]

You are horrible! After 6 years and this?? You dont love him

[helenV38]

This is my first time here. I have a lot of shocking stories that i need to share also.If you wanna be someone do not cheat on them. no matter what, it's better for you to leave him or her before you do anything.because if you cheat on the person you're with, you will never be happy and you are miserable and everything what you did your blaming on that person you're with because of your guilt. the person who cheats, they are not happy with theirself, low self-esteem, no respect and lost. one thing you need to know what comes around goes around a lot of people don't wanna believe this but it happen to me. KARMA is just right there in the corner. my boyfriend asks me why all this things happening to me. I'm laughing inside and i told him ask that to your self. I have more i need to share that you would not believe.

[helenV38]

I agree with you SPECTRE.that what nice she needs to wake up and do not marry the person that you cheating with because in the long run you just make the person miserable. because of what you did he deserves better than her she needs to respect her self girl you know you have a boyfriend and he have a girlfriend. what are you trying to do to prove to your self. I promise you you are the one who's gonna get hurt. unless if you only care about the bottom. YOU HAVE YOU STOP NOW!!! AND KEEP YOUR LEG CLOSE.

[helenV38]

This is my first time here. I have a lot of shocking stories that i need to share also.If you wanna be someone do not cheat on them. no matter what, it's better for you to leave him or her before you do anything.because if you cheat on the person you're with, you will never be happy and you are miserable and everything what you did your blaming on that person you're with because of your guilt. the person who cheats, they are not happy with theirself, low self-esteem, no respect and lost. one thing you need to know what comes around goes around a lot of people don't wanna believe this but it happen to me. KARMA is just right there in the corner. my boyfriend asks me why all this things happening to me. I'm laughing inside and i told him ask that to your self. I have more i need to share that you would not believe.

[smoky]

My story is similar to the OP's... I've been with my bf for more than 5 years, my bf has cheated on me multiple times as well and I have been on an emotional roller coaster ever since I found out years ago.. I too, never thought I would ever cheat, inflict that kind of pain on someone... He too, was my first and only... I too, have a friend who had been great to me, he has a long-term gf as well, and I first kissed him thinking it might be alright seeing as how we are both in relationships and were not willing to give up or SO, just having fun with each other..

 

My problem is that I started developing deep feelings for my friend, and attempted to end things with my bf before things got too far. But my bf became violent and I'm afraid that if I confess to him now that I've cheated on him, he will try to hurt himself (as he has, on previous occassions). And finding out that you've been cheated on leaves this massive void in you, a person is never ever the same, and I don't wish that upon him....

 

Also, I don't expect much between my friend and I, I realize he has a gf, I just don't think my relationship with my bf should be dragged out any longer