I cheated on my bf of almost 6 yrs...here's my story...

February 2, 2009

In all my years of reading people who have problems with their relationship, I have never seen someone as arrogant and stubborn as you are. You think you know all it all. You have alot to learn about life miss cheater. You think that hiding about ur secret affair will only help your relationship. Oh Plz, and get real, it will fester and fester in your mind like cancer as long as you hold on to it without doing anything about it. I guess you dont have a problem cheating on your bf. I guess you have a clear conscience. If you are my gf and I found you do this, I will dump your azz immediately without a doubt. Well, whatever you do, I hope he does not find out. See no evil, and hear no evil. lol.

......I had no idea we had a Professional Reader of Relationship Problems....with years of experience you could have certianly given me better advice than that .......First of all, why don't you stop reading about other peoples' lives and live your own....second, if it bothers you so much DON'T READ IT and don't post me crying about it. I certainly couldn't care less if you would dump my "azz".... what exactly would you be dumping because I'm not familiar with your verbage....silly me, that must be some fancy word you learn over at the college right? "Reading about Peoples' Lives 101"....loser.

I don't know why it's so hard to get some USEFULL advice, everything is either "break up with him" or "tell him".....black & white.....I really don't know who made up this rule...I don't have to do either one because they don't fit into my relationship, those are general things you tell everyone, they're in no way specific to me or bf or our relationship so i don't feel like i HAVE TO do either one. I will do what feels right for the benefit of my relationship and whether i want to do both or neither it's my decision.

As for karma.....Karma is something that manifests within, just because i ****ed up doesn't mean i'm doomed to go to hell or that the guilt will be like "cancer" in my mind....I am nothing but positive energy and thinking and i'm all about my future.

One more thing......I don't think ANY of you realize that:

1 - i'm NOT married

2 - i don't even live with my bf

3 - i have NOT been in touch with the OM

....basically, save yourself the energy and don't tell me to break up with my bf or to tell him about what happened.

PS - I love how passionately all of you write here.

February 2, 2009

Ok blacklace. What sort of useful advice would you like? Would you like us to just agree with you and tell you everything is going to be ok. I also like how you call other people losers for reading your story when you are the one posting it. What makes all of us losers, the fact that some cheap s*** posted her life online for everyone to see and we responded. The fact that you can not take one ounce of this in. Good to know there are still little skanks in the world. You are so right!!!! All of your justificiations for letting this other guy bang you like yesterdays trash is right on. Keep telling yourself that he broke up with you because he didn't want anyone to get hurt. Ya ok and he really did care about you. No dumb little girl, he didn't care about you. He just wanted to sleep with you. He picked a good target to. You are so special and all of us are idiots, you are really a classy girl that just made a "mistake" several times, over and over again. You have the entire world figured out, right? That is why you came here and asked all of us losers for advice. To bad you are to stupid to listen to any of it.

By the way Karma doesn't mean you are going to hell, it just means that you will live your life the way you choose. You have chosen to live like a cheating s***.

one more thing you should realize

1- You are not marriage material because you are to selfish.

2- At least you aren't banging the OM in your bf's bed.

3- Oh wow wee you haven't spoken to the OM in 1 month. What do you want a cookie?

February 3, 2009

......I had no idea we had a Professional Reader of Relationship Problems....with years of experience you could have certianly given me better advice than that .......First of all, why don't you stop reading about other peoples' lives and live your own....second, if it bothers you so much DON'T READ IT and don't post me crying about it. I certainly couldn't care less if you would dump my "azz".... what exactly would you be dumping because I'm not familiar with your verbage....silly me, that must be some fancy word you learn over at the college right? "Reading about Peoples' Lives 101"....loser.

I don't know why it's so hard to get some USEFULL advice, everything is either "break up with him" or "tell him".....black & white.....I really don't know who made up this rule...I don't have to do either one because they don't fit into my relationship, those are general things you tell everyone, they're in no way specific to me or bf or our relationship so i don't feel like i HAVE TO do either one. I will do what feels right for the benefit of my relationship and whether i want to do both or neither it's my decision.

As for karma.....Karma is something that manifests within, just because i ****ed up doesn't mean i'm doomed to go to hell or that the guilt will be like "cancer" in my mind....I am nothing but positive energy and thinking and i'm all about my future.

One more thing......I don't think ANY of you realize that:

1 - i'm NOT married
2 - i don't even live with my bf
3 - i have NOT been in touch with the OM

....basically, save yourself the energy and don't tell me to break up with my bf or to tell him about what happened.

PS - I love how passionately all of you write here.

You came to this forum to post your issues/problems with your relationship and asked for help. Am I rite? I give you my honest opinions based on my personal experience with relationhsip. So maybe I give tough love but you didnt like what I say so you call me a loser or whatever. Everyone is going through a tough time with their relationship, and you are not the exception. I dont think you need my opinions, you seem to know what you are doing.

This forum is here to help one and other with relationship problems. I am not here to bash you but to give you advices about your situation so you can improve your relationship. I hope everything work with your relationship. Good luck to you!

February 3, 2009

Thank you for your response Nittanylion....

I appreciate you being so open and to respond the way you did. I do apologize you lashing out but i'm just tired of people categorizing me into something i'm not. I'm not saying i'm special and i'm mother effing teresa.......but if someone shaves their head are they a nazi? if you stole a pack of gum is that the same as stealing a car? Yes their both theives but on different levels and that's the only thing i'm trying to get across and no one seems to understand it. Two steps ahead, don't even try to tell me that the person who stole a pack of gum will eventually move on to bigger things because thats not the case all the time...people learn from their wrong doings and whatever mistakes they made will allow them to grow and realize that it was wrong and won't move on to stealing bigger things. I'm not saying everyone is like that but I know deep down the kind of person I am.

Moving on.....

LKJH - first of all at least i have enough balls to post something so personal, you, my friend, are probably the sorriest of the bunch because all you do is write to other people about their issues and don't have enough courage to post anything real about yourself. Do me a favor, scratch that, do us ALL a favor and stop posting here. I couldn't care less what you think of me. You have nothing better to do than to look down on people that made a mistake and for that, karma is going to serve YOU. You should be ashamed of yourself, you jumped up on that moral high horse and think you have the right to look down at ME? I beg to differ....if anything, I'm classier than you, smarter than you, lord knows i'm PRETTIER than you (assuming your a girl, and if you're not it'll take a lot of convincing to prove that you don't have a vagina between those legs), and not to mention I'd probably be better liked by all of your peers and loved ones. You live a sad sad life and if posting on my thread makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside, then go right ahead, but just realize that you're wasting your time here....my suggestion: find another thread, get obsessed with that one, and prove yet again how much better you are than everyone else.

Thanks LKJH, i now know what it's like to have a stalker, quit posting here.

PS - I believe SOMEONE has a problem with sharing information about themselves in fear of rejection, judgement, and ridicule....sucks to be you LKJH because you must really hate yourself and your meek life.

February 3, 2009

Your anologies is not the same.

If you steal a gum or a car, there are law to fit that punishments. Both acts are considered to be a crime nonetheless.

If you cheat on your significant other, its an emotional issue. It's not a crime but an emotional scar for life.

To have a good healthy relationship, it must have the necessary ingredients like trust, honest, loving, respect, loyal, and commitment.

I dont see you have a healthy relationship. Am I rite?

February 3, 2009

I think she seriously just compared her cheating to stealing a pack of gum in a weird sort of way...Wow. You're a piece of work.

And I honestly think at this point that if anyone should be getting told to stop posting here, it should be you. You come to the forum looking for advice, wait, no, you want us to tell you exactly what you want to hear, but when we dont tell you that you freak out and get mad. If you're not going to use the forum for what it was intended, then there's no reason for you to be here, and no reason for you to continue posting.

I happen to like what LKJH posts, and even if I had a problem and they posted to it in a negative way, that's fine. Because it's an opinion, and afterall, I DID come here looking for advice. You're just being incredibly childish about the whole ordeal. So please, just abandon the thread, because you're not taking advice, you're just posting stupid little high schooler comments. No one here is going to tell you that it's okay for you not to tell your boyfriend, and we all know that's what you're wanting. So get over it.

February 3, 2009

I think we have officially found the smartest girl in the world. Yes you got me I am stalking you and I wish I could be more like you. Please continue to show us how smart you are by ignoring everything and staying on the same path. Thanks for lesson in Karma. You are the best person to teach it. Your boyfriend is so lucky to have a girl like you.

February 3, 2009

Blacklace, I was thinking that you are right. We are the pathetic loser, because after all You posted needing advice and we gave it. When you got really childish and tried discrediting the advice by calling all of us loser and what not we got mean. I'm sorry to tell you this but using your half a** analogies, you have already stolen bigger things. You have let another man INSIDE OF YOU. In the world of cheating it doesn't get bigger than this. It isn't like you get some kind of do over.

The reason none of us believe you is simple. Although you tell yourself that this guy was special, he wasn't. You randomly ran into him after 3 years and then started the cheating. It wasn't like you knew the guy for 30 years. Even though you are really smart in all I will let you in on a little secret that the rest of the world knows; guys will say a lot of things to hook up with a girl and then we will use some bs excuse to get rid of her. Does that sound familiar? Ask yourself this, if you really ment something to him then why hasn't he contacted you? All of your contact was sexual(texting,talking dirty, or the actual deed). Once that ended he had no purpose for you.

February 3, 2009

I'm no slut, i don't sleep around, my relationship was on the rocks and i found someone who made me feel right at that moment.

Right there shows that you are not capable of a committed relationship. Because relationships will always have their ups and downs. And if your mindset is that of, "someone made me feel right at that moment"....well guess what...those moments will come up again and you'll be looking for someone to make you feel "right"....whatever the hell that means.

I do feel bad for what i have done but i do not regret it.

then if you don't regret it, then break up with your boyfriend. And if you don't think so, tell your bf you cheated and that you did not regret it. See what his perspective is on your non-regret for spreading the legs for another guy.

Again, thanks everyone for giving me your two cents. I really appreciate it all.....even the nasty comments.

None of the comments here, even what I said, come close to being as "nasty" as what you have done.

February 3, 2009

That's OK, you won't regret it the next time either.

Thats what I was thinking too.

February 3, 2009

Wow...I've never seen such a large contingency of judgmental, extremely unrealistic and mean individuals lacking even basic sensibility. Who are you people?

Cheating is bad. We all know that

Funny, because she doesn't regret it:o

February 3, 2009

I guess two wrongs do make a right!

I'm pondering why you want feed back, but can't handle it? I can understand if someone is throwing in religion or making assumptions, but to tell someone to keep negative comments to their self because they don't know the whole story! Yea, duhh we only know what you have told us.

But I say stay in the relationship and both of you two cheat! But make sure its not with just anyone.

February 3, 2009

Okay...those of you on your moral high horse have my permission to step down.

Has nothing to do with morality. It has to do with your attitude and your non-regret.

I've been very graceful in my responses

LOL, far from it.

and have thanked all of you for your input but you have no right telling me i'm a bad person.

We have every right if we so choose.

Yeah, what i did was wrong

But you have no regrets:o

but you people have no idea the kind of person I am

To cheat and have no regrets about it, that gives us a pretty good idea about the type of person you are.

for all you know I could be your best friend/cousin/neighbor

And if I found out how you are with regards to cheating, I'd do my best to avoid you at all costs after that. There is a guy here at work that I go out of my way to avoid now that I found out what he did to his wife. He was fine with me before that, but after the revelation, he is a turd to me.

Here's what I'm going to do....

#1 - Never come in contact with "cheater boy"
#2 - Never tell my bf about this

Of course you aren't going to tell your bf about this. We expect nothing more from you. We don't expect you to give him the power to decide what to do with his life.

#3 - Focus my energy/love/devotion on my bf

:lmao: You cheat and don't regret it. There is no love here for your bf.

Now....if I read another post telling me to either dump my bf or tell him, I'm going to....well i'm not going to do anything because i'm a big girl i've got my "big girl pants" on today.

And with an attitude like yours, another guy will be getting into those "big girl pants" in no time. And you won't regret it then either.

I'm just tired of the same thing being repeated by people who have no real advise, just one or the other.

You might have gotten some real advice if you didn't have the no regret attitude. You even lost some of the support after making that known.

You guys talk to me as if i have only two options, why can't i just put behind me what i've done and focus on pleasing my bf?

Because with your attitude, coupled with no consequences to your actions, you will be a repeat cheat. Don't say you won't either. Your attitude says otherwise.

People mess up ALL the time...don't try to act like you're better than me because you've never been in a state of confusion/lust. In fact, shame on you for thinking your better than anyone because guess what douchebags YOU'RE NOT!!

Keep it up. You are only showing us why you are a cheater in the first place.

None of you are any better than me (or anyone else) because you haven't cheated

Keep telling yourself that.

you're not better than me (or anyone else) because you've done things in your past/present that you're not proud of. Am i bragging about what i've done? NO! I'm simply looking for a place to vent and hopefully get some real insight.

What insight? You already knew what you were going to do before your first post. You were going to keep quiet out of cowardice and try to get away with what you have done. What insight would you need if you already knew what you were going to do?

This thread has taken a life of it's own and if you guys just want to bash me, i just won't allow that because...here's the shocker....contrary to popular belief...i AM human.

Jeffrey Dahmer was human too.

I shared something very intimate with all of you and for you to take advantage of it just to get a few nasty words out and make yourself feel better is even more sad than my situation.

is that what you think it is about? How about giving you a much needed slap in the face because of your attitude. And for you to get all defensive only validates what we knew about you and why you are a cheater with no regrets in the first place.

At least i have enough balls to pour my heart out here, become vulnerable, and take your verbal abuse. Yes, i know, i should have been pouring my heart out to my bf but you know what, (still wearing those big girl pants) i'm NOT going to and nor am i going to break up with him.

So basically if breaking up with him is the best thing for him, and it would be letting him move on, you wouldn't do it? its all about you, thats another point people are making here you just don't get.

....you may proceed to that horse of yours now, and I'll start sowing that "A" on all my outfits.

I think a big "C" would be better...and no, I'm not talking about the c word that ends with a T either.

February 3, 2009

I just caught up........

All of the negative advice is coming because of the way you took the constructive advice. You really need to sit back and re-read some if this. I think right now you know what you want and you are looking for a way to get. This is very natural and normal, but it is not always possible. Its seems like you want your bf and you want all of this to go away. This will never go away. If you plan on marrying your bf you need to tell him. Can you really spend the rest of your life lying to him? Letting him believe that he is your one and only? A relationship is about two people. If you really love your boyfriend then you need to tell him.

February 3, 2009

Im just wondering if by your rules sleeping with another man several times is equal to a pack of gum, then what is equal to stealing a car?

February 3, 2009

i just caught up........

All of the negative advice is coming because of the way you took the constructive advice.

exactly!!!!!!!

February 5, 2009

I've never been on a forum like this one before, and it's interesting to see the brute honesty and outright dirt throwing which is concealed and unspoken irl.

Acilea,
You know what you did is wrong and you know that not telling him is wrong. You still have the OM in your life and that is really disrespectful towards your bf. Im sure you agree with this. I know doing the right thing is hard and if you are incapable of doing this, why don't you split with your bf. If you really love him you should give him a chance of finding someone who wouldn't do this to him. Why don't you really think about this because right now you have put him third in your life behind yourself and your "best friend". You may not see it this way but this is how it really is. Why don't you give him a chance to find someone else?

lkjh -

I know the real problem is with me and my incapability of handling my relationship well, and that it will never be fine until I tell my bf everything - then our relationship will end or I/we will solve my/our problems through it. I definetely don't deserve him. I am immature and probably not ready for a steady relationship - otherwise I would have focused on making our relationship work as I wanted it instead of ignoring it and turning to someone else.

I know this is a fragile bubble and it will eventually burst - though a part of me wishes that somehow everything will be fine, I know that's unrealistic. I guess I'm just selfish enough to enjoy it while it lasts. I love them both too much to leave them. When it bursts, my fall will probably be hard, but hopefully I will learn the hard way to be more mature and satisfied with what I've got. Since I still see a life with my boyfriend I will be chrushed to pieces when it happens, it's basically inevitable now that I've chosen to continue the other relationship - as opposed to telling him and beg for his forgiveness for a single screw-up.

I will deserve it all when it hits me. I am thoroughly wrong to be doing this, and I feel bad about it - yet I'm not doing anything to change the situation.

I guess some just have to learn from life the hard way.

February 5, 2009

I've never been on a forum like this one before, and it's interesting to see the brute honesty and outright dirt throwing which is concealed and unspoken irl.

lkjh -
I know the real problem is with me and my incapability of handling my relationship well, and that it will never be fine until I tell my bf everything - then our relationship will end or I/we will solve my/our problems through it. I definetely don't deserve him. I am immature and probably not ready for a steady relationship - otherwise I would have focused on making our relationship work as I wanted it instead of ignoring it and turning to someone else.
I know this is a fragile bubble and it will eventually burst - though a part of me wishes that somehow everything will be fine, I know that's unrealistic. I guess I'm just selfish enough to enjoy it while it lasts. I love them both too much to leave them. When it bursts, my fall will probably be hard, but hopefully I will learn the hard way to be more mature and satisfied with what I've got. Since I still see a life with my boyfriend I will be chrushed to pieces when it happens, it's basically inevitable now that I've chosen to continue the other relationship - as opposed to telling him and beg for his forgiveness for a single screw-up.
I will deserve it all when it hits me. I am thoroughly wrong to be doing this, and I feel bad about it - yet I'm not doing anything to change the situation.
I guess some just have to learn from life the hard way.

I see what you are saying but it really isn't a matter of learning. Its a matter of right and wrong. You are literally using your bf as a tool. If you have to, just write everything down and hand it to him. Leave and let him read it. The point is, you are actually treating him like he doesn't matter. I know you realize what you are doing is wrong but that only matters if you act on it. Give him the chance to make discussions involving his life. What happens if you get use to holding this in? If one day you marry him? Can you really go the rest of your life lying to him? If you can, do you consider that right or fair?

February 6, 2009

......I had no idea we had a Professional Reader of Relationship Problems....with years of experience you could have certianly given me better advice than that .......First of all, why don't you stop reading about other peoples' lives and live your own....second, if it bothers you so much DON'T READ IT and don't post me crying about it. I certainly couldn't care less if you would dump my "azz".... what exactly would you be dumping because I'm not familiar with your verbage....silly me, that must be some fancy word you learn over at the college right? "Reading about Peoples' Lives 101"....loser.

I don't know why it's so hard to get some USEFULL advice, everything is either "break up with him" or "tell him".....black & white.....I really don't know who made up this rule...I don't have to do either one because they don't fit into my relationship, those are general things you tell everyone, they're in no way specific to me or bf or our relationship so i don't feel like i HAVE TO do either one. I will do what feels right for the benefit of my relationship and whether i want to do both or neither it's my decision.

As for karma.....Karma is something that manifests within, just because i ****ed up doesn't mean i'm doomed to go to hell or that the guilt will be like "cancer" in my mind....I am nothing but positive energy and thinking and i'm all about my future.

One more thing......I don't think ANY of you realize that:

1 - i'm NOT married
2 - i don't even live with my bf
3 - i have NOT been in touch with the OM

....basically, save yourself the energy and don't tell me to break up with my bf or to tell him about what happened.

PS - I love how passionately all of you write here.

Darkzen, is that you??

You never did answer my question as to whether you were a lawyer or not.

February 6, 2009

Why did you keep bringing up stuff like "well he's been my only bf" and "we've been together since I was 16" as to some sort of excuse as to why you cheated.

I mean, is there some rule that says a person hasn't lived life until they've banged a bunch of people?

Anyways, there really isn't any advice I can give you, since you've said you aren't going to tell him. I mean, if you want to stay in a fake relationship, that is your business. It isn't very fair to your bf, but oh well. You've both cheated on each other, so it's quite obvious you do not actually love each other. You might as well just end it, you don't need to tell him, but the relationship isn't going to end well, so get out while you can.

February 6, 2009

Spectre, She has NO proof of her BF cheating, which accounts for the guilty conscience, and will cast a shadow over their relationship for as long as it lasts.

I could never imagine keeping a secret like that one. Boy, it would eat me up inside like a cancer. I would have to play all sorts of mind games with myself. Everytime my partner looked at me and smiled, inside my head I would be thinking, I'm a low-life. Think about, birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, everytime they said I love you, I trust you, I'm gald you have been my one only true love, everytime they comment about having been my only one, etc. etc. etc..

Must suck to be somebody who would live their life in the shadow of their betrayal. And don't get me started about heartlessness, omg, to have to get even for only suspecting they cheated, woowee your mean.

February 6, 2009

Why did you keep bringing up stuff like "well he's been my only bf" and "we've been together since I was 16" as to some sort of excuse as to why you cheated.

I mean, is there some rule that says a person hasn't lived life until they've banged a bunch of people?

To be perfectly honest, cheating is something that is bound to happen in this situation. I am really not surprised that it did. I don't judge Blacklace at all for doing it. It is part of learning. I must say that it is good that she made her way out of this relationship (even if it meant doing something morally wrong). So many people marry their high school sweethearts and are unhappy later in life. I know I will get some serious flack for this comment, but there is some truth to what I say.

No, there is no rule that says you have to bang a bunch of people. However, I would not get married to the first person I have slept with or dated. That is just naive. It is good to experience different people on many different levels. I also believe in non-exclusive dating until something becomes serious. So many people settle for being in long term relationships with people who are not right for them.

So, Blacklace, get out there and enjoy the world! Date lots of people and learn from your mistakes. You are not a bad person!

February 6, 2009

To be perfectly honest, cheating is something that is bound to happen in this situation. I am really not surprised that it did. I don't judge Blacklace at all for doing it. It is part of learning. I must say that it is good that she made her way out of this relationship (even if it meant doing something morally wrong). So many people marry their high school sweethearts and are unhappy later in life. I know I will get some serious flack for this comment, but there is some truth to what I say.

No, there is no rule that says you have to bang a bunch of people. However, I would not get married to the first person I have slept with or dated. That is just naive. It is good to experience different people on many different levels. I also believe in non-exclusive dating until something becomes serious. So many people settle for being in long term relationships with people who are not right for them.

So, Blacklace, get out there and enjoy the world! Date lots of people and learn from your mistakes. You are not a bad person!

Sounds good!

Wrong. She is still IN the relationship. And she's NOT telling the BF about her affairs. Wow! Try reading the thread next time.

February 6, 2009

To be perfectly honest, cheating is something that is bound to happen in this situation. I am really not surprised that it did. I don't judge Blacklace at all for doing it. It is part of learning. I must say that it is good that she made her way out of this relationship (even if it meant doing something morally wrong). So many people marry their high school sweethearts and are unhappy later in life. I know I will get some serious flack for this comment, but there is some truth to what I say.

No, there is no rule that says you have to bang a bunch of people. However, I would not get married to the first person I have slept with or dated. That is just naive. It is good to experience different people on many different levels. I also believe in non-exclusive dating until something becomes serious. So many people settle for being in long term relationships with people who are not right for them.

So, Blacklace, get out there and enjoy the world! Date lots of people and learn from your mistakes. You are not a bad person!

Did you even read the thread? She is still in her relationship. Also, how is staying a virgin till marriage or marrying your first gf/bf naive? Im not saying I did this but come on. This works in plenty of places around the world and it worked in the western world for a while until recently. Did you ever notice that since people have had this mentally change, bad things have been happening. Now that people think sex is just a experience; our divorce rate has jumped up to 50%, infidelity is on the rise, the family structure has been dying, and social crime is rising. Yes there are many reason for each of these but the disememberment of the family structure is really contributing to all of this.

Before you give her advice to "enjoy the world", read her thread. She is still with the guy she cheated on. It was the OM that dumped her.

February 6, 2009

Also, how is staying a virgin till marriage or marrying your first gf/bf naive? Im not saying I did this but come on. This works in plenty of places around the world and it worked in the western world for a while until recently. Did you ever notice that since people have had this mentally change, bad things have been happening. Now that people think sex is just a experience; our divorce rate has jumped up to 50%, infidelity is on the rise, the family structure has been dying, and social crime is rising. Yes there are many reason for each of these but the disememberment of the family structure is really contributing to all of this.

So what's wrong with not being a virgin in marriage. Frankly I careless about the whole wait till marriage issue. Fact when I was a virgin, I didn't care about waiting either. If you end up losing it to a loser, well there're still good apples.

So you assume that those that marry virgin, will always be the ones with happily everafter story endings??? Now that's sooo naive....

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I cheated on my bf of almost 6 yrs...here's my story...

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