I cheated on my bf of almost 6 yrs...here's my story...

January 30, 2009

ramrod,

You are right except for the fact she will probably wait for the ring to actually be on the finger.

January 30, 2009

As long as my next boyfriend doesn't cheat on me with my best friend (who is a guy by the way) or tell me I am too fat to get married to him, then he's good to go.

Lol? Lose some weight then. Its sick that you'd rather cheat on your BF than help your own fat ass to a healthier lifestyle.

January 30, 2009

Lol? Lose some weight then. Its sick that you'd rather cheat on your BF than help your own fat ass to a healthier lifestyle.

Is that the only thing productive you have to say? As I recall, only uneducated losers who hate themselves make rude comments to people like this. I am just glad I am not your girlfriend because I'd grow tired of asking you to sleep on the couch every night. Good luck with the ladies!

January 30, 2009

Is that the only thing productive you have to say? As I recall, only uneducated losers who hate themselves make rude comments to people like this. I am just glad I am not your girlfriend because I'd grow tired of asking you to sleep on the couch every night. Good luck with the ladies!

...And, those with teenie weenies!

January 30, 2009

Ok so I read your story and have been following your responses as well as the responses of others. Before I get started let me just say I am not going to take the moral high ground and pass judgement on you for I am not in a place to do that. I am sure you know that what you did was wrong and your actions were wrong regardless of the situation. Cheating and infidelity is a very explosive topic on here. Many members of this forum have been subjected to what you put your boyfriend through and that possibly may explain the reactions you are getting. Cheating has broken up families and led to a myriad of other life disasters, but I shouldn't have to tell you that you already know. In my opinion, I think you need to really analyze the actual relationship you have with your so called boyfriend. It is not healthy in my opinion. Keeping this secret that you cheated bottled up within you will only hurt you in the long run. Sometimes in life its better to muster up the intestinal fortitude to be honest and tell the truth no matter what the consequences are. I know if i was your boyfriend I would not want to find out way down the line when an engagement ring is present or a child is present in both your lives. You need to tell him. If he chooses to be with you and work it out then thats all well in good. If not, you need to take a deep look within yourself and move on.

January 30, 2009

Is that the only thing productive you have to say? As I recall, only uneducated losers who hate themselves make rude comments to people like this. I am just glad I am not your girlfriend because I'd grow tired of asking you to sleep on the couch every night. Good luck with the ladies!

You act like the BF is the one losing something if his fat girlfriend leaves him. Its unattractive to be overweight. If you'd rather wallow in self-pity and obesity than gain a healthier lifestyle, and turn around and blame your BF for your destroyed relationship then be my guest.

P.S. - My girlfriend prefers my arms around her H-E-A-L-T-H-Y body. I'd say I'm doing pretty well with the ladies, the healthy ones for that matter.

P.P.S. - My "weenie" is far from small.

Summary: Get your overweight ass in the gym and shed some pounds if your BF is unhappy with your weight.

January 30, 2009

You never said if you explicitly caught him in the act of cheating. Did you ever confront him about his supposed cheating? If you didn't, put yourself in his shoes (you've already done the cheating part of it, so it shouldn't be too hard):

-He "cheats" on you but thinks that he got away clean. Maybe he is even on some other message board trying to justify his actions as well, saying that he will never do it again, he's going to focus all his attention on you, etc.

-Lets say that he somehow finds out (it's not a terrible stretch of the mind to envision the 'other' guy coming clean to his girlfriend, who then talks to someone, who talks to someone, etc.) that you have cheated. Maybe he then puts himself where you were with the subconscious "revenge cheating".

-You find out about this, and you find someone else who you "trust" to have revenge sex with as well.

Clearly you can see that this would start a vicious cycle. I'm not saying it will happen, but it very well could (especially if both of you are predisposed to cheating). I know that you don't want to tel him, but you know that it is the right thing to do, and that this will forever haunt you until you come clean.

Do the right thing, please.

January 30, 2009

PS - I'm NOT mad, i'm sarcastic...and since you've never cheated, been cheated on, or have even touched a cheater with a ten foot pole, what makes what you have to say have any weight? NOTHING you can't give me advice because you've never been in those shoes.

Okay, then. From someone whose dad cheated, and who almost became the other woman to an exploitative perv:

You and your boyfriend have been together, what, six years? (Which, by the way, if you're twenty-five, means you got together when you were nineteen. Big difference from sixteen.) It's your first relationship. You were starry-eyed over him in high school.

Even the most devoted high school couples I knew broke up. They grew up. They grew apart. They changed. Commit too young and that's what happens. One year out from graduation, one of my friends was already a divorcée.

Never mind the cheating. Can you honestly say you know yourself well enough to commit to your boyfriend more permanently? If sex with someone else was a revelation, and you found out you're not quite as monogamous as you thought, what else do you need to figure out?

Are you being faithful to yourself?

Best of luck, and I mean that genuinely.

January 30, 2009

^That might be the best post on this thread

January 30, 2009

I came to this forum to see if I could find anyone with an experience related to my own, and I feel pretty sure I have.

I see that you've gotten a lot of harsh comments, and even if I can understand that some of them makes sense, I'm sure you didn't share your story just to be yelled at. I just want to tell you that you have my sympathy.

My story is actually quite different from yours. I'm around twenty and I have been together with my boyfriend for barely a year. But we've been extremely close during that time, living together, and for some time we lived just for each other - surely a quite destructive behaviour, which we both suffered from. So when he left the country for a couple of weeks I was sad at first, but then I suddenly felt a taste of freedom. I went a bit too far with my newfound freedom and had sex with my best friend. His situation is more similar to yours, he's been in a steady relationship for four years, and she is also his first love.

After my boyfriend returned we've had sex twice, but after the first time already we decided we had to stop. Even though I truly love him I don't want a relationship with him. He's my best friend and that's the way both of us want it to be.

The weird part about this is that I, just as you mentioned yourself, don't think too highly of cheaters. Despite that I don't feel guilty. I know it's not fair to lie to my boyfriend, but this hasn't changed my love for him. He's still the one I want to be with =)

I can't give you any advice what to do, since I don't know what to do myself, heh. Though, I don't think that one has to be monogamous to be happy in a relationship - I DO think that there should be trust in a relationship though. That's the part about all this that is bugging me. I would like to tell my boyfriend, but I'm clearly not going to, since that'd make him worry all the time that I might do anything with anyone.

I feel just like you do, that this wouldn't have happened with just anyone. This is my best friend, whom I trust competely. And though I feel I can't promise that it will never happen again with HIM, I could never take such a huge step with anyone else. This was a slow proccess that took a long time to complete. By this I don't mean it "had" to happen, I just say that opposed to every one else I'm only human =)

I'd say that curiosity plays a big part in all this. After all, it did kill the cat =P And humans are curious beings aswell. Having been together with just one person surely can be frustrating, not knowing "what's out there". That's at least what my friend said =) The reasons can be many, and surely a dysfunctional relationship can be one, but that's up to you to discover and think about yourself. I don't know you or anything about your relationship =)

Anyways, regards from someone as lowly (according to all the replies) as you ; )

January 30, 2009

I came to this forum to see if I could find anyone with an experience related to my own, and I feel pretty sure I have.
I see that you've gotten a lot of harsh comments, and even if I can understand that some of them makes sense, I'm sure you didn't share your story just to be yelled at. I just want to tell you that you have my sympathy.
My story is actually quite different from yours. I'm around twenty and I have been together with my boyfriend for barely a year. But we've been extremely close during that time, living together, and for some time we lived just for each other - surely a quite destructive behaviour, which we both suffered from. So when he left the country for a couple of weeks I was sad at first, but then I suddenly felt a taste of freedom. I went a bit too far with my newfound freedom and had sex with my best friend. His situation is more similar to yours, he's been in a steady relationship for four years, and she is also his first love.
After my boyfriend returned we've had sex twice, but after the first time already we decided we had to stop. Even though I truly love him I don't want a relationship with him. He's my best friend and that's the way both of us want it to be.
The weird part about this is that I, just as you mentioned yourself, don't think too highly of cheaters. Despite that I don't feel guilty. I know it's not fair to lie to my boyfriend, but this hasn't changed my love for him. He's still the one I want to be with =)
I can't give you any advice what to do, since I don't know what to do myself, heh. Though, I don't think that one has to be monogamous to be happy in a relationship - I DO think that there should be trust in a relationship though. That's the part about all this that is bugging me. I would like to tell my boyfriend, but I'm clearly not going to, since that'd make him worry all the time that I might do anything with anyone.
I feel just like you do, that this wouldn't have happened with just anyone. This is my best friend, whom I trust competely. And though I feel I can't promise that it will never happen again with HIM, I could never take such a huge step with anyone else. This was a slow proccess that took a long time to complete. By this I don't mean it "had" to happen, I just say that opposed to every one else I'm only human =)
I'd say that curiosity plays a big part in all this. After all, it did kill the cat =P And humans are curious beings aswell. Having been together with just one person surely can be frustrating, not knowing "what's out there". That's at least what my friend said =) The reasons can be many, and surely a dysfunctional relationship can be one, but that's up to you to discover and think about yourself. I don't know you or anything about your relationship =)

Anyways, regards from someone as lowly (according to all the replies) as you ; )

Pretty disgusting behavior, it's sad how to attempt to justify it to yourself. I hope your BF finds out real soon that he can't trust you to faithful. But there will come a day, when you will reap what you sow. Your selfishness is a trait which will define your life, it will mean no real true friends, unless it's other cheaters and people who can't be trusted farther then they can be thrown, or as you are attempting to find now, little tiny pixels in cyberspace to agree and comfort you. Sounds sad, miserable and pathetic to me.

January 31, 2009

B.but i feel like i've never been independent, i've never dated guys, experienced different things, it's just been the same thing since i was 16. I don't want to lose him but i don't know if i can live like this forever....and ever.......till death do us apart...a tad overwhelming. =(

Before you can ever be happy with this man you must experience life on your own.

You are trying to sabatoge the relationship you have with your boyfriend because you are afraid of missing out on all life has to offer. How can you really know if he is "the one" if you have never even experienced life on your own.

If he is the man you are supposed to be with, he will understand. Do not tell him about the cheating. Unless you feel you are justified in this since he cheated on you. It may scare you but if he loves you he will let you go. And once you feel like you dont want to run you two can be happy.

January 31, 2009

Acilea,

How can you say that you love your bf and yet you do this to him? I mean you have cheated on him and treat him like a fool. Don't you feel bad when all of you are hanging out? Do you not see why people think behavior like this is horrible? Hopefully one day you will get a taste of your own medicine, just so you know what it feels like.

January 31, 2009

You act like the BF is the one losing something if his fat girlfriend leaves him. Its unattractive to be overweight. If you'd rather wallow in self-pity and obesity than gain a healthier lifestyle, and turn around and blame your BF for your destroyed relationship then be my guest.

P.S. - My girlfriend prefers my arms around her H-E-A-L-T-H-Y body. I'd say I'm doing pretty well with the ladies, the healthy ones for that matter.

P.P.S. - My "weenie" is far from small.

Summary: Get your overweight ass in the gym and shed some pounds if your BF is unhappy with your weight.

Are you not feeling very good about yourself today, Mr. Dream Merchant? That's too bad that you try and validate yourself by giving unsolicited advice to other people. You should try and work on those issues. Not many people want to be friends with someone who is openly prejudice.

I wonder what your girlfriend would think of what you said to me if you copied exactly what you wrote to me and sent it to her in an email. I bet she would be impressed that you treat other women this way. You sound like a keeper. What a lucky girl.

Oh, and in case you were reading this paragraph hoping I was going to justify myself to you, don't get your hopes up. I like myself and don't need to prove anything to you.

January 31, 2009

just popped in ( w/my "big girl panties" on ) to give you~~~~a BIG Hawaiian HUG !

may God Bless you and yours...always.

January 31, 2009

cheating is cheating .....you cheat, he cheats....is a circle that keeps going....example; your still in touch with your lover....

January 31, 2009

WOW!! Thanks to everyone for posting....just wanted to apologize about how mean my last posts were...but you know it's really frustrating when people only see black & white and don't want to be a little understanding...

Now i'd like to personally thank Acilea for sharing her story with me. I really appreciated it and it made me feel like i wasn't the only person in the world who felt this way. thank you thank you THANK YOU!!!

Okay many of you have been asking if i'm still in touch with the OM......drum roll please.........................NOPE!!! I don't know if i made it unclear but we haven't been in touch for a good two-three months and i haven't seen him for about 6 months...=)......does he cross my mind? yes...i am only human you guys.....as if none of you think about your exs or people you crushed on, no big deal. And it's not even all the time, it's like once in a while i'll just wonder what he's up to or how he's doing. Not in a "i wish i could get with him" sort of way AT ALL.

Again, I know you all want me to turn into Mother Teresa and confess but it's not going to happen. Like i've been saying, i trusted the OM and thats the ONLY reason this happened, i trusted him and he trusted me and we both had this unbelievable attraction to each other that was still there after 3 years....he would NEVER confess to his gf so nothing is going to come out until it comes out of my mouth.

A lot of you have been asking me if i caught my bf red handed....well to answer that, no, i didn't catch him in the middle of screwing another girl....he had been in touch with his ex which he later told me they kissed...this wasn't a big deal because she is very manipulative and he knew that if he didn't tell me, she would go around bragging and i would eventually find out....which...i did find out before he even told me anything. The co-worker that i caught him talking to was that i found racey emails and text messages of her asking him to "stay" and other stuff i'm just not going to bring up but you get it. Now the whole internet solicitation thing was that i caught him online with an account of something like adult friend finder and he had nude photos, and he was soliciting women. I pretended to be a woman interested and we talked online...the whole time him thinking i was another woman....then when i asked for his number he gave me his real cell number and that just about did it for me. If it wasn't me who did that and put an end to it, he'd have some strange woman calling him and they'd eventually meet and who knows what else....dont you think a random internet woman has a lot more risks than someone i've known for a long time and have been friends with? I'm not trying to justify it, i'm not seeking revenge, i'm just trying to give you guys a little insight into my situation.

Anyways...please don't assume anything about me...if you want to know something just ask, that way we can avoid miscommunication and me lashing out because some of you decide to label me as a "serial cheater". whatever.

I don't think i need to come clean, i just need to do the right thing from this point forth, whether i decide to break up with him to give both of us our space, or to move along in our life together as one.

January 31, 2009

just popped in ( w/my "big girl panties" on ) to give you~~~~a BIG Hawaiian HUG !

may God Bless you and yours...always.

Thank you!!!! & yours as well!

January 31, 2009

I asked questions straight up. No answers black lace?

January 31, 2009

You never caught the BF redhanded and your pretty content being a cheating GF. Sounds good. Why did you post here? To brag about being a rat?

February 1, 2009

In all my years of reading people who have problems with their relationship, I have never seen someone as arrogant and stubborn as you are. You think you know all it all. You have alot to learn about life miss cheater. You think that hiding about ur secret affair will only help your relationship. Oh Plz, and get real, it will fester and fester in your mind like cancer as long as you hold on to it without doing anything about it. I guess you dont have a problem cheating on your bf. I guess you have a clear conscience. If you are my gf and I found you do this, I will dump your azz immediately without a doubt. Well, whatever you do, I hope he does not find out. See no evil, and hear no evil. lol.

February 1, 2009

In all my years of reading people who have problems with their relationship, I have never seen someone as arrogant and stubborn as you are. You think you know all it all. You have alot to learn about life miss cheater. You think that hiding about ur secret affair will only help your relationship. Oh Plz, and get real, it will fester and fester in your mind like cancer as long as you hold on to it without doing anything about it. I guess you dont have a problem cheating on your bf. I guess you have a clear conscience. If you are my gf and I found you do this, I will dump your azz immediately without a doubt. Well, whatever you do, I hope he does not find out. See no evil, and hear no evil. lol.

Hey Nittany, she's got her big girl panties on, so be careful. Yeah, the funny thing about karma, which many ignorant people don't know, is that it's not some god with mystical powers, or a law of nature, it's more like voodoo you do to yourself, you create it for yourself much the same as one creates their own luck, only it's bad luck. Positive energy goes out, positive energy comes back to you, negative energy out, negative energy comes back, it's not because I say so, it's just the way it is my dear.

February 1, 2009

Some people are just low class.

February 1, 2009

Pretty disgusting behavior, it's sad how to attempt to justify it to yourself. I hope your BF finds out real soon that he can't trust you to faithful. But there will come a day, when you will reap what you sow. Your selfishness is a trait which will define your life, it will mean no real true friends, unless it's other cheaters and people who can't be trusted farther then they can be thrown, or as you are attempting to find now, little tiny pixels in cyberspace to agree and comfort you. Sounds sad, miserable and pathetic to me.

I agree with you. It is disgusting of me to lie to my bf. I would rather not do it, and there is no way to justify it. I just consider the consequences to be worse.

Though I must say, you know nothing about my life nor my selfishness. It is selfish to lie to my boyfriend, but that has nothing to do with the rest of my life, and my friends. Now that I've cheated suddenly all my friends become unreal and untrue? =P

And as for coming here, it was, as I said, because my previous feelings about this matter didn't match up with my present ones. And sure I wanted to share my experience, since humans like to feel the comfort of not being alone, and frankly, are REALLY bad with keeping secrets to themselves =)

I am quite satisfied with my life, thank you, and I don't have a need to spend my time in cyberspace telling people how pathetic they are =)

February 1, 2009

I agree with you. It is disgusting of me to lie to my bf. I would rather not do it, and there is no way to justify it. I just consider the consequences to be worse.
Though I must say, you know nothing about my life nor my selfishness. It is selfish to lie to my boyfriend, but that has nothing to do with the rest of my life, and my friends. Now that I've cheated suddenly all my friends become unreal and untrue? =P
And as for coming here, it was, as I said, because my previous feelings about this matter didn't match up with my present ones. And sure I wanted to share my experience, since humans like to feel the comfort of not being alone, and frankly, are REALLY bad with keeping secrets to themselves =)
I am quite satisfied with my life, thank you, and I don't have a need to spend my time in cyberspace telling people how pathetic they are =)

Acilea,

You know what you did is wrong and you know that not telling him is wrong. You still have the OM in your life and that is really disrespectful towards your bf. Im sure you agree with this. I know doing the right thing is hard and if you are incapable of doing this, why don't you split with your bf. If you really love him you should give him a chance of finding someone who wouldn't do this to him. Why don't you really think about this because right now you have put him third in your life behind yourself and your "best friend". You may not see it this way but this is how it really is. Why don't you give him a chance to find someone else?

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I cheated on my bf of almost 6 yrs...here's my story...

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