I cheated on my bf of almost 6 yrs...here's my story...

January 28, 2009

You are a very selfish and unremorseful person. You need to come clean with your bf. Tell him everything about your cheating. I bet my house you will eventually tell him. Why? Cause in due time, you will feel enormous pressure and guilts from the cheating, and spill the black bean out. I say it's better to tell him now than later so you can either salvage or part way the relationship. Its not healthy relationship, if there is mistrusting, cheating, and lying in the relationship that you are currently in one. Tell him now so that you give him a chance to either be with you or move on. No point in draging this relationship.

I dont think you love him at all. If you love him, you wouldnt do this to him whether for revenge or not. JMO!

January 28, 2009

Wow...I've never seen such a large contingency of judgmental, extremely unrealistic and mean individuals lacking even basic sensibility.

Welcome to LoveShack

Who are you people?

I am Ramrod

Cheating is bad. We all know that, so please, stop with all the mean BS...it's beyond unnecessary and so old now.

Why do people continue to do what's bad? What do you suggest we try? Positive reinforcement?

To think, some of you ppl have the audacity to criticize someone else and make disparaging comments about someone else's character...lol.

She has no character!

Wow, it's quite comical actually.

Yeah, we're funny, but she's sad and pathetic, and your obviously an enabler.

January 28, 2009

Wow...I've never seen such a large contingency of judgmental, extremely unrealistic and mean individuals lacking even basic sensibility. Who are you people?

Cheating is bad. We all know that, so please, stop with all the mean BS...it's beyond unnecessary and so old now. To think, some of you ppl have the audacity to criticize someone else and make disparaging comments about someone else's character...lol. Wow, it's quite comical actually.

Moving on...

You did a terrible thing. In my opinion, you could very well love him, but not in the way that would result in a successful and happy marriage. You are "comfortable" with him...and it is because you are comfortable and familiar with him that you even stick around today. BUT, complacency should NEVER be a reason to stay in a relationship. You are cheating yourself and it's obvious that you are unfulfilled and want more...even if that “more” consists solely of “seeing what else is out there” right now. With him being all you’ve known, it’s completely understandable and ok. Don’t beat yourself up about feeling this way…just the manner in which you’ve dealt with it.

You should break it off with him. It doesn’t make sense that you force yourself into a losing situation. Whatever drove you to cheat and whatever reasons you fed yourself to justify it in your mind, all still exist. They’re not going to magically disappear and you need to deal with them. It’s unfair to him how you’ve chosen to deal with them thus far and certainly unfair to you to keep going along with the relationship when you remain curious. Show that you really do care about him and do the honorable thing and walk away.

Good luck in the future.

Sounds to me like someone else is a cheater in this thread. Stone her! Rofl nah just kidding, but let's be for real here, cheating is disgusting and it deserves every bit of judgement and lack of respect it can get.

January 28, 2009

unnecessarily harsh and unrealistic...that's all I'm saying.

What exactly was unrealistic? The part where we look down on cheating or the part where he told not to marry this poor guy if she can't be honest with him?

January 28, 2009

Ok, here's my take on it.

If you love your bf and feel that you two have a future then marry him and don't cheat on him again. Do only that, don't do anything else, don't do this, that or another. You made a mistake, don't do it again and don't do things that will make the mistake bigger than it is.

good luck - That's all.

January 28, 2009

hi black lace:

i hope you're still reading this and all the harsh/judgmental posts haven't driven you away... i didn't really read the whole thread so i don't know if this has already been said but here's my $.02:

1. you're fixated on the fact that this guy was your first true love. you need to get over that, girl. everyone has a first true love. trust me, as you accept the fact that he might not be the one you will begin to narrow down your criteria and you WILL find someone who fulfills you in EVERY way you want to be. take it from me, i'm pretty much a serial dater always in a long term relationship. i know how hard it is to let go but if you're feeling like you are right now... he's a great guy but you need to live... then it really would be best to let him go... at least for now... which brings me to my next point...

2. why don't you just ask him for a break? given that this guy is the only partner you've ever had (besides cheater boy), and you are considering MARRYING him (at least entertaining the fact that he will be the only person you EVER sleep with), then it really sounds like you need to live... your attitude in your posts just gives off that vibe... you're like a caged bird that needs to be free... if its meant to work out with your bf then it will.. i'm a firm believer in that.... i think asking him for a break is the best and most honest choice for you, without having to admit that you cheated

i don't think you're a bad person at all.... there are a lot of bitter people on here who've been cheated on and see the issue as very black and white... i see things as all sorts of shades of gray

good luck!

January 29, 2009

The only people that make any sense.

Yes i'm still reading the posts...and I find it HILARIOUS that people out there who don't know me call me all sorts of names. Now theres the kind of mature advice i was looking for.

Thank you Miss Ting, Serialgf & ReeWoo for the most REAL advice I've read here lately...and I say lately because a lot of you wrote some stuff that really hit a core and I appreciate that soooo much.

I know deep down that a lot of you (excluding the sane ones) have been either cheated on, never envolved in such a deep relationship, or you just have the kind of cold hearted character that looks down on EVERYONE because they don't think like you....You, my friends, live in a sad world. Now those that have been cheated on, i can understand your anger towards me because you're going to take it out on the easy target here...I guess i set myself up to be the scapegoat.

I'd like one of you to write to me who has been in the circumstance that i am in....dating someone since you were 16, being the only person you've been with...first bf, first everything and 6 years into the relationship your eyes wander. I don't think ANY of you have been in my shoes so how dare you look down on me without know the circumstance. Like you've never ****ed something up in your life. I'm glad to see that all the LoveShack writers are saints....thanks....

Also, if you're just going to write and tell me to tell my bf....save yourself the energy cause it's not going to happen.

Lastly...I forgot to mention one group of people who are probably the majority of writers here....you know...the ones that never had a gf...or i'm sorry you did but you had to sign in on a messaging service to talk to "her".....you live in your parents basement where occassionally your mom will fix you a bologna sandwich to give you energy for the marathon of Star Trek that you've been training for....and by training i mean sitting on your ass and eating doritos....you my friends will never know the touch of a woman...so keep dreaming...aim high...and one of these days, you'll be the proud owner of many, many cats....stacks of newspaper, and japanese anime porn.

-----this is probably my angriest post because some of you are so down right ignorant that you deserve this.

Thanks again to Miss Ting, Serialgf, ReeWoo, and all the logical thinkers out there. As for the rest of you......may the force be with you!

January 29, 2009

you know...the ones that never had a gf...or i'm sorry you did but you had to sign in on a messaging service to talk to "her".....you live in your parents basement where occassionally your mom will fix you a bologna sandwich to give you energy for the marathon of Star Trek that you've been training for....and by training i mean sitting on your ass and eating doritos....you my friends will never know the touch of a woman...so keep dreaming...aim high...and one of these days, you'll be the proud owner of many, many cats....stacks of newspaper, and japanese anime porn.

I swear I'm not agreeing with this or anything, but that vivid description of some of my old high school friends made me spit my drink across the room lmao!! HA!!!!

January 29, 2009

Yup you rock on that angry post alright, I would have gone mad too if names were called on me. I guess they reason some were attacking you is because you stated you had no regret about ti and well see most people want to hear about those who cheated and felt sorry afterwards. But I agree, if they were going to call you names, why bother posting, waste of human energy anyways, not needed. Have fun and well if it doesn't work out with your not so perfect boyfriend, you can always go into open relationships.

January 29, 2009

Yup you rock on that angry post alright, I would have gone mad too if names were called on me. I guess they reason some were attacking you is because you stated you had no regret about ti and well see most people want to hear about those who cheated and felt sorry afterwards. But I agree, if they were going to call you names, why bother posting, waste of human energy anyways, not needed. Have fun and well if it doesn't work out with your not so perfect boyfriend, you can always go into open relationships.

Thanks!....you're one of the sane ones!!....I've been meaning to thank you for your posts as well.

PS...great post, wanna do it?.......TOTALLY KIDDING...if any of you seriously bad mouth me about that one then....you're lame, and your mom dresses you funny.

January 29, 2009

<<Lastly...I forgot to mention one group of people who are probably the majority of writers here....you know...the ones that never had a gf...or i'm sorry you did but you had to sign in on a messaging service to talk to "her".....you live in your parents basement where occassionally your mom will fix you a bologna sandwich to give you energy for the marathon of Star Trek that you've been training for....and by training i mean sitting on your ass and eating doritos....you my friends will never know the touch of a woman...so keep dreaming...aim high...and one of these days, you'll be the proud owner of many, many cats....stacks of newspaper, and japanese anime porn.>>

We are not cheaters, liars, cowards or accomplices and if and when you develop a conscience, you'll feel bad about this paragraph, and not just because it makes you foolish.

There is a harvest coming your way...it's called karma.

January 29, 2009

Ok some people are being way too harsh here. While I don't agree with cheating, I am on your side Blacklace!

I was in a similar situation a while ago. I had been dating someone since high school and he was my first. He started to treat me poorly and led me on about marriage. He basically strung me along and bashed my self-esteem to bits. Eventually I found myself in the arms of another man. Was it right? No. But I don't regret anything that I did.

I can understand your situation for many reasons:

- You are young and haven't experienced a lot yet

- Your boyfriend cheated on you and you resent it most likely

- You have only known one man since you were 16 which is very young

These are the lessons that we learn as we are growing up. It doesn't always mean that we make the right decisions. I don't think that people should talk down to you the way they have been in this thread.

My suggestion is that you should break it off with your boyfriend for sure and start dating people. Experience life to the fullest!

January 29, 2009

Ok some people are being way too harsh here. While I don't agree with cheating, I am on your side Blacklace!

I was in a similar situation a while ago. I had been dating someone since high school and he was my first. He started to treat me poorly and led me on about marriage. He basically strung me along and bashed my self-esteem to bits. Eventually I found myself in the arms of another man. Was it right? No. But I don't regret anything that I did.

I can understand your situation for many reasons:
- You are young and haven't experienced a lot yet
- Your boyfriend cheated on you and you resent it most likely
- You have only known one man since you were 16 which is very young

These are the lessons that we learn as we are growing up. It doesn't always mean that we make the right decisions. I don't think that people should talk down to you the way they have been in this thread.

My suggestion is that you should break it off with your boyfriend for sure and start dating people. Experience life to the fullest!

Tell your next boyfriend this. He will be happy to know that if he ever messes up you will just cheat and not regret it.

January 29, 2009

Blacklace, good to know that the only sane ones here are the ones that agree with cheating. You have a lot of growing up to do.

January 29, 2009

Come to think of it, I'm kinda in a boring position with rather uncomminicative long distance relationship boyfriend. Like the poster he was my first as well but now it's like I would careless if some guy were to start talking to me. In fact since he hasn't called my new phone number (been like 3 months already since I given him my number and no calls, oh well screw him) nor do I find him online no more than I have to assume we are broken up and move on already I guess. I don't care that much about him no more, it's his fault so maybe the poster is juts mad at what she had to put up with.

January 29, 2009

I just love how you justify what you've done with the fact that those who disagree with you are nerds in their mothers basement. You, my dear, need to grow up, grow a conscience, and put your big girl pants on because as of right now you're nothing but a little girl who wants to attack everyone that disagrees with her.

Now just because you've been with this guy since you were 16, been with him 6 years and he's the only guy you've been with does NOT make it alright to go explore other areas. If you wanted that, have the honesty to break up with him first. Now before you go off spouting your nonsense about how I have no idea about anything you're going through, take a step back. I've been in the same situation before. I'm your age, I dated a guy for YEARS, and then developed feelings for someone else. Only I had more sense than a box of rocks and ended it with my boyfriend because I knew that if I was feeling something for someone else, that meant I didnt love my current boyfriend as much as what I thought. And the simple fact that you're such a coward to hide what you've done from your boyfriend makes you even less of that good person you claim to be. You found out he cheated on you, now why can't he know you did the same? You hold yourself too high up on that pedestal and someone needs to knock you off of it. But we all know that it's not going to be anyone on this website because we're all a bunch of nerds that live in our moms basement.

Well, my dear, at least WE don't go to bed every night knowing that what we've done is something as low as pond scum.

January 29, 2009

Sounds to me like someone else is a cheater in this thread. Stone her! Rofl nah just kidding, but let's be for real here, cheating is disgusting and it deserves every bit of judgement and lack of respect it can get.

LOL. Nope, not a cheater by far and I don't condone it, hence me saying she didn't deal with her feelings in a decent way. I have been cheated on, but still, I would never do it. I tend not to do to anyone what I wouldn't want for myself...that's just me though. I very much believe in karma.

January 29, 2009

I don't think the OP is as cold or as heartless as some make her out to be. I think she is young, inexperienced, and thinks that "revenge" cheating is an appropriate way to deal with being hurt. He hurt her, so she'll hurt back - rather than becoming independent from him and doing things that bring positive energy into her life. The older and mature she gets (and if karma hits her like a brick wall), the closer she will be to dealing with dynamics in a relationship.

OP, when a woman is disrespected in a relationship, she gets positive, sticks with girlfriend support, and makes steps towards her independent freedom (aka DUMP him). By remaining in a relationship and revenge cheating, you expose yourself to more pain rather than to healing.

I'm a few years older than you and I've felt that pain (although I did not cheat), and learning to deal with pain in a proper way helps prevent it in the future.

January 29, 2009

Regardless of how young she is, she still knows the difference between right and wrong. Being young doesn't make it alright. I'm the same age, and I'd walk through fire before I'd do what she's done. She just thinks it's alright because "she knows and trusts" this other guy. Well whoopty freakin doo, I know and trust lots of guys but I'm not rushing out to bang their brains out because I'm feeling neglected in my relationship. You just dont do that to someone, regardless if they've done it to you or not. If you get cheated on, you leave. If you stay thats your business, but revenge cheating isn't going to make it better!

January 29, 2009

As I was saying (my bad, got distracted for a min and went away...got back and realized my damn message posted before I could even finish it!)....

But unlike alot of ppl, I'm not going to place myself on a moral high horse and tear someone down for doing a very human thing...unfavorable, yes, but still very human. It's actually pathetic...say it's wrong, and move on...give her advice (if you have anything sensible to say that is), since that's all she asked for, and be a big person and leave out the personal attacks....that's if you can be a bigger person. When someone comes seeking counsel, especially for something they and the rest of society will probably deem deplorable, you should try your best to leave out your personal feelings and just offer that adivce. If it so gravely offends you that you cannot even muster up a single word of direction, then don't say anything at all. It's not an opportunity for you to show the world that "you are better then them" (in your mind). Like I said, I don't do to others, what I wouldn't want ppl to do to me...it's just that simple!

January 29, 2009

Yeah, we're funny, but she's sad and pathetic, and your obviously an enabler.

I'm an enabler? How exactly did you come to that conclusion now? I never said what she did was right...please reread what I wrote (slowly, if you need time to process it correctly because clearly, you missed something the first time).

January 29, 2009

I think the bone of conttention in this post is the fact she is a remorseless cheater who simply refuses to break-up with her fiance'. If she would choose to do "the right thing" I think people would have a little more compassion and sympathy for her.

January 29, 2009

I know I would! But we all know that's not going to happen.

January 29, 2009

Look at a lot of the other confrontational threads. A lot of them the cheater starts out asking for advice. Gets it, doesn't like it. and then defends her/himself. Then there is some confrontation. Then comes a softening of their position by representing the wronged loved ones point of view. Then conviction, confession and then contrition. Inevitably the cheater comes back after confessing to their spouse, sorry for what they have done. With a new commitment to work on their marriage. Is their marriage perfect? No. Which one is. But they agree to work on it. And isn't that what relationships are all about. Working at it. When there is cheating the individuals are not communicating. They try to fulfill their own needs but end up hollow. THAT'S WHY THEY'RE HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE. TO FIND OUT HOW TO FIX WHAT THEY SCREWED UP. Oh and Tink. I would wager the judgmental posters here accomplish ten times more then ones like you. No offense.

January 29, 2009

There are way too many nonconstructive attacks with no real advice on this thread. No wonder she finally lashed back.

Do not marry this guy. You have absolutely no respect for him and he deserves better.

Why is everyone taking up for the BF so strongly? She says she caught him three times and even though she didn't mention it, it seems like there is a decent possibility that there were other times and he may even still be...

They're both wrong in what they did. And I think I understand her when she says she's just confused. I don't know exactly what to tell her but I do think she needs to make a basic decision first of all, do you want to stay with your fiance? If so you have to make the last time you stepped out on him the last time ever. I know you said you weren't going to tell him but it will be worse if he finds out on his own. Maybe you could intro it like remember when you slept with those three (atleast) girls while we were together? Well...

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I cheated on my bf of almost 6 yrs...here's my story...

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